Sour Hearts

chapter nine, no rest for the wicked

I pulled away from her after a long moments kiss. Her hands loosened, as she slowly opened her eyes. I felt my cheeks get warm. "Why did you.." I whispered in shock. "I need you." Akai blurted out, with a look of determination and excitement in her eyes. It felt great to hear but.. sickening at the same time. "..oh!" I struggled to respond. Her smile fell as I stuttered. "I don't know how t..." My voice lowered faster and faster, she pulled away from me completely. "You lied to me, didn't you?" Her voice was quiet, and distrusting. I paused. My heart was beating out of my chest, I could feel my eyes sting, my ears rung like I had the worst case of tinnitus imaginable. It felt like the world had just been ripped from my hands and shattered before me. I didn't know how to respond.. I didn't even now how I felt. Did I lie to her? I felt so strongly before, I knew I loved her, like she was my purpose, but now.. it was as if that flame was doused in water, and all that was left where a few small hot orange ashes, awaiting their turn to die out. "I-I..." I what? I couldn't finish, I shouldn't. "I didn't lie.. I.." but what if I did? What if I did lie but I didn't realize it at the time? It was too late to leave her, I've worked so hard. She looked at me, with a sigh of relief, "I'm so glad.. I love you, Yukki!" She hugged me tight as she grinned. How could she believe me so easily? She doesn't question it, she just smiles and hugs me..? It makes no sense.

"I'm.. I'm gonna go get some food, I'll be back." I anxiously stepped out of the room. "Okay! Don't take too long! I love you!" She said in a bubbly tone. "..yeah.." I mumbled as I shut the door. I sighed. I made my way to the kitchen for food, even though I had no feelings of hunger. Didn't want to lie to Akai again.. my chest felt tight. I opened the empty cabinets, and stared for a minute. What am I supposed to do now? She's crazy.. I knew that when we revived her. I don't know how to feel anymore. I'm starting to think.. maybe we should've left her dead. I was so madly in love yet I knew her for such a short amount of time. I clung too fast.. and now.. I'm paying for it.

I looked down from the cabinet and at my wrist, I lightly ran my fingers over the deep thick scar on my wrist. My stomach twisted as I started to think.. maybe I should've stayed dead. I wish I had. I need to stop blaming my issues on others.. it's my fault we're in this mess in the first place. I would attempt this again, but.. Neru would just revive me again. I sighed as I grabbed a small pack of fruit gummies and brought them upstairs back to my room. I opened the door and tossed the fruit gummies in Akai's direction, she jumped slightly, then grinned as she looked up at me.

I'm so tired.