Sour Hearts

Chapter 4, Molding.

(TW: Suicide, Mentions of Self harm, smoking, and dead bodies.)

I walked towards the car, I just wanted to see her again, thats all. I need to see her. If only to show my respect. I opened the trunk, a faint scent of rot wafted into my nostrils. It wasn't strong enough to effect me yet it hasn't been long enough. I turned on my phone flashlight, and climbed in. I closed the trunk from the inside so that no one would see. I looked down to her, she was pale, almost tinted purple. Her eyes stared into nothingness, and her mouth hung open. I held her hand, it was cold. I caressed her cheek. My eyes stung as they filled with tears. I gently sobbed as I held her cold, limp hand to my cheek, just like when she died in my arms. Till death do we part, right? Although, we weren't married. It felt that way though.
Is it weird to feel so strongly about a corpse? Not in a gross way, of course.. just.. grief? I don't know.. I gave her a small peck on the cheek before leaving the car. I quickly closed the trunk so that no one would see.. or so I thought.

"Hello?" A quiet voice called behind me. I jumped, I could've sworn it was just us at the hotel tonight.. I turned to face a girl with neon pink hair, shocked, I began to stutter uncontrollably. "U-uhm hello" I thought for a moment "do y-you need something?"
"No.. I was just curious what you where doing in the trunk of your car so late." She questioned, leaning over to try and look through the window. "O-oh, nothing, just uh.. cleaning." I lied, anxiously. "Cleaning? At 1:00 AM?"
"well, not exactly cleaning, just., uhm.. mhm."
"Just what? Mhm? What does that mean?"
"It.. uh.. no hablo..?" I said, in the worst possible Spanish accent I could manage. "Just a second ago you where speaking fully in english. You don't even have an accent." She said, crossing her arms and lifting her eyebrow "you smuggling drugs?" She accused, quickly. "No! I'm.. uh.. I'm.." I panicked. I couldn't make up a lame excuse this time, I already panicked enough to look suspicious. I decided to flirt my way through the situation, she had pink hair, so it would be easy enough to at least try to seem genuine. "Sorry, I was just putting some stuff in my trunk, they where small so I needed to climb in to tie them up and keep em from moving during tomorrow's drive." I cleared my throat slightly, and took a step forward. "Sorry if I seemed panicked a minute ago.. it's just.. you're so beautiful." I looked into her eyes with a smile. Her eyes grew wide, as she looked me up and down. "Uh.."
"Hush," I placed my finger on her lips "there's no need for response. I doubt I will ever see you again.. I'm sorry for that." I paused, searching for the right words. "Your shocked stare tells me you don't share the same feelings.. let me stop and leave before I ruin the moment anymore." I turned away from her dramatically, "farewell." I walked inside, stuffing down the urge to turn back and see her face. I felt gross.

I took a step into the cold hotel room. The sound of water beating down on tile rung from the bathroom, and Neru sat on her bed, watching a baking show. "Hey." I said, sitting on the edge of my bed, pulling off my boots. "Oh hi Yu.. oh my god! Are you okay?" She shouted, concerned, standing up immediately and leaped towards me. "What do you mean? Is there something on me?" I went to smack off any bug that could be on my tank top when I realized.. my cuts where gushing blood. "What are these from? Did something happen outside? These weren't here before!" She immediately pulled my wrist into her grasp and hovered her hand over it, emmitting a slight glow from her palm. "I- uh.. yeah. I was getting something from the car, and scratched my arm on a piece of glass. It must've flown into the car from the debre of the fight." I hated lying this much. After a moment or so of the glow, my cuts turned to faint scars, with a bit of dried blood staining my skin. "Thank you, Neru.. uhm.. I'm gonna go to bed, I'm exhausted." I returned my arm to my side and collapsed onto my bed. I pulled the cushy blanket over my head and scrolled online, repeating my usual routine. I wasn't even tired, to be honest. I just needed an excuse not to socialize. I listened in on what happened around me, curious as to what they did while they thought I was unconscious.

A few minutes in, I heard the shower knob squeak, and the water came to a quick end. Clips of people's conversations and monologues played with static in between each as Neru flipped through the channels. Ryuketsu opened the door to the bathroom, and walked out. Allowing the area around the bathroom to become humid from steam. The scent of Shea butter wafted through the room. Neru and Ryuketsu didn't speak, they just continued doing whatever. I waited for them to speak.
Suddenly Ryu spoke in a low, quiet whisper. "Are they asleep?" She asked Neru. "Hm.. not sure. I can still hear their phone." Neru replied with a whispered tone. I wanted to turn off my phone, but I knew it would be suspicious if I did so right after they said that. I waited a few minutes. Eventually I turned off my phone, and shuffled as if moving to sleep more comfortably. Ten minutes later, they began to speak again.

"I'm worried, Ryu. Yukki's acting odd."
"I'm sure they're fine. They're probably just coping from the battle."
"Yes.. but when they came back inside.. they had cuts on their arm."
"Of course. We get into scuffles and battles. What do you expect?"
"Yes, but they where deep cuts.. and they came up with some half baked excuse.."
They paused for a moment. Ryu broke the silence. "What was the excuse?"
"Something about accidentally getting cut by some debre in the car."
"Odd.."

                                                                  .                             .                       .

I waited a few hours for them to fall asleep. I lifted my covers, and peaked over to make sure. I pulled out a pen and paper from my bag. I wrote.

Dear friends,

  The time I've spent with you both has been the best time of my life. When you guys found me, alone, afraid, and abandoned, you saved me from what I'm about to do. You two managed to delay the inevitable for 10 years. That's a big achievement, and I thank you for that. But my entire life, I knew it would end like this. I just knew. I hope as you read this, you know that you've done the best you could, and that there was no keeping me from doing this in the end. You've been an amazing family for me. I love you both. I know we all argued about miniscule things, like how people should die, or how disgusting Ryu's killing practices are.. but I love y'all. So this is the end. Goodbye.

Love, Yukki.

I finished writing. I taped the note to my chest so they'd find it quickly. I entered the bathroom and pulled out my knife. I shut the door so that they wouldn't be woken by any sounds of pain. My stomach turned as I looked down to my wrists, contemplating what I was really about to do. What I was going to end. How they would feel. How it would effect the world.  Surely it would be a positive effect.. right? I wasn't a good person. Ive killed at least 20 people.. souly because I was getting paid. I took the life of someone I loved because she threatened mine. I'm a killer, I'm a liar, I'm useless. The only reason they kept me was because they felt bad. I was just dead weight, holding them down. They're better off without me.. right?

I pressed my knife down hard onto my wrist, and sliced slowly. The knife passed through my skin, ripping into my flesh, and sliced through my artery like butter. I felt my stomach acid flood into my esophagus. I pulled the knife away after cutting. The blood poured. Not like it did before where I had to press down.. it was like a river. I repeated the same to my other wrist. I set the knife down, watching the blood pour from my wrists onto the floor. I eventually ended up standing in a puddle of my own blood, my socks where soaked with it. I began to feel light headed, and passed out. This is it. That's it. It's done. Goodbye world.

But it wasn't. I woke up lying on my bed, dizzy, and sick. I looked to my side, and Neru sat, staring.. as if she was waiting for me to wake up. "Neru..?" I muttered, struggling to speak. She perked up, "Yukki! You're alive, oh thank god!" She rushed towards me and got on her knees next to the bed and held my hand. "I was so worried." She cried. I looked to my wrist.. all I managed was a scar.. suddenly the weight I thought was lifted when I almost died crushed down on me like an elephant. "You almost died, Yukki.. you tried to.. take your own life. Is this really how you felt the whole time we've known you..?" She sobbed, red faced and snot nosed. "Neru.. I.." I didn't know how to respond. I've never seen her like this before.
"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You have nothing to apologize for.. I knew something was wrong and I.." she paused, trying not to cry more, "I didnt do anything."
"Please don't blame your self.. I.." I fell asleep before I could respond. I guess trying to kill yourself takes alot out of you... Or maybe it was the massive amount of blood loss.