Baby of the Family

Chapter 17 : Nighttime

Chapter 17

The next day...    

Riker POV

So everyone was going to a party tonight and I was so annoyed because maybe if I hadn't been freaking out and having panic attacks and cutting, dad might've let me go to this party. But he doesn't want me leaving the house yet.

So I don't get to go.

Honestly, I was almost too tired to care. But I feel left out.

I didn't have any panic attacks today. It was kind of just a chill day. I helped mom do some dishes earlier and watched some tv. But that was kind of it.

I decided to head to bed early. It wasn't even that early. It was about 11:00.

I got changed for bed and then laid down. But being in here alone just made me feel uneasy.

I tossed and turned for a while. I finally looked at the clock when I heard dad leave to go pick my siblings up from the party. It was nearly midnight.

I got out of bed and went to mom and dad's room. Mom was in bed, reading.

"Riker, I thought you were sleeping," she said, putting her book down.

"I'm too anxious. I'm sorry," I said, quietly.

"It's ok, honey. Come here."

She lifted the covers and let me get in bed.

"What are you anxious about, Riker?" She asked, pulling me into a hug.

"I don't like being alone at night. And I'm sad I couldn't go to the party."

"Ross should be back home soon. Why don't you lay down and see if you can get some sleep?"

"Ok..."

I laid down on my side, facing away from mom, and she rubbed my back for a while. I felt a lot safer now that I wasn't alone. And I ended up falling asleep before dad and my siblings got back.

Later...

Riker POV

"What was he anxious about?"

"Being in his bedroom alone at night."

"I'm not surprised. He got anxious last night too. Night seems to be one of his triggers. I don't know if it's because Rocky and Ryland did things to him at night or if he's just naturally scared of nighttime, but that's definitely one of them."

"But how do you explain his panic attacks at the interviews?"

"I don't know. There's still a lot we need to figure out."

"Mark, you woke him up," mom said, annoyed.

I opened my eyes. I was cuddled into mom's side and dad was back now.

Ross walked in, looking for me.

"I'm back. Do you want to go back to our room?" Ross asked.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I'm really tired.

"Come on," Ross said, holding his hand out to me.

I took his hand and he took me back to our room.

"What happened? Why weren't you in our room when I got back?" Ross asked.

I pulled him over to my bed and made him get in next to me.

"Because I couldn't sleep. I didn't like being alone."

"Ok, well I'm here now, so you don't have to worry."

"Ross?"

"What?"

"If one of my triggers is nighttime..."

"Yeah?"

"Well... Like how do I fix that?"

"I'm not sure what dad will want you to do, but remember when you were scared of scary movies?"

"I still am scared of scary movies."

"Ok, well remember when I suggested we could watch scary movies during the day? So you could practice?"

"Yeah."

"Well maybe you could practice being alone at night."

"No."

"Riker, the more you practice, the less scary it'll be."

"Ok, well what if something happens while I'm alone?"

"It won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because nothing is going to happen, Riker. What do you think is going to happen?"

"Well the power could go out."

"If it does, I'll be right in the other room. What else are you scared of happening?"

"I don't know! I'm just afraid of the dark! I don't like it! I can't see what's hiding!"

"Riker, there's no such thing as monsters, if that's what this is about."

"But what if there's like someone hiding under my bed? Or in the closet?"

"Riker, that just wouldn't happen."

I sighed.

"Look, I know it's scary. We can talk to dad about it tomorrow and see what he thinks."

"But I don't want him to just make me do something scary when I'm alone, and then I have a panic attack because of it and nobody knows because I'm all alone."

"We can make it so that doesn't happen. We could do something like, you practice being in our room alone at night, but if you start panicking, you can call for us and someone will come until you calm down again. We're not just going to make you do scary things and have panic attacks alone, ok? We can make it so that you can get help if you can't handle it."

"Ok."

I laid down.

"Did you have a panic attack tonight?" Ross asked.

"No. I just got anxious and I couldn't sleep."

"Ok, that's good."

"But I don't understand why I had panic attacks at the interviews though. Like I know I'm scared of the dark, so obviously it's not a surprise that I'm anxious at night. But I never used to get anxious about interviews and playing shows and stuff."

"Yeah, that's weird. But we can just take it one step at a time."

"Promise you won't make me do anything too scary?"

"I promise, Riker. I'll make sure you're ok with whatever we do to try to help you get over your fears."

"Thanks."