Seven years in two months.
Time is indeed just flying. No mercy, no regard for other things. It just continues.
The world will never stop spinning no matter what. No mercy, no regard for other things. It just continues.
Dealing with time is tiring. Doing worldly duties is exhausting. I can't blame him for ending his life but it is just painful, even if I am just a fan. He is my bias, he got me hooked with their group.
He got me with his ring-ding-dong.
That was fifteen years ago.
Incredible talent. Expressive voice. Deep soul. They are all evident in his works and he's been so generous to share a piece of him, maybe almost every piece of him to the world, to us. But instead of being rewarded and fulfilled, maybe he felt crucified, punished, or even imprisoned.
It was not the kind of life he wanted for himself.
Maybe he felt that it was too late to change it. To walk away, to leave. That he can't bear to hurt so many people with that decision. So he just chose to leave...permanently.
Sometimes, we forget that we are just human. The same as them, they are just human. Aching to express and be accepted for who they really are. Aching to be loved by the genuine expression of self, not by mere pretension. That we are broken once in a while and need healing every now and then.
I had a few attempts myself. There are some mornings of gratefulness to be awake, alive and well. There are some mornings of wonder to be awake, alive and well.
Why am I still granted another day to live? Some days, it feels like an elusive privilege, a miracle. Some days, it feels like a never ending torture, a suffering. Every day is truly different but kind of still the same as well.
Dearest Jjong, you did beyond well, you did great. You didn't just work hard, you gave your heart and soul to your work. I know you have finally accepted that fact by now. You will always be an inspiration, both your life and death. The pain of that decision of yours reminds me to just try another day, try to live one more day until there's no need to try anymore. Until the days are much better.
To die a hero is far-fetched but an aspiration of a sweet death is maybe worth trying.
To keep on trying not to resort to death just to desperately escape the suffering of living.
Sweet death, the thing that everyone who decided to end their own life was deprived of. Or maybe not, maybe it was bittersweet. For death finally meant freedom and liberation from all the pain and suffering.
Dearest Jjong, you did beyond well, you did great. You are a hero for some people, including me. Thank you for your life, for reminding me that life is still worth a try. I hope you are now enjoying the bliss.
