Eloise Featherington: Bridgerton

12| One step ahead

We have been here in France for a week now and we have visited almost all peculiar places. I made sure to take her to every place. I spend days smitten by her charm and nights in feeling her presence. My days have illuminated by the pageantry. My new friend desire often whisper bad things to me that I shudder quickly.

I often get surprised by her how neglectful she is from the world happening around her. How dissolved she is in her interests just the same as always. Maybe adolescent had not hit her yet. Flood that I contain in myself where should I vent it? I think she has forgiven me and she rants to me like she used to now. I wonder! While we walk by the pavement late dark in night. I cannot force her to go back as she is so happy in the presence of blue foreign moon and street lights.

"I feel so at liberty!" She exclaimed. As she walk next to me with her hair open. Nowadays she is dressing like French ladies and I cannot conclude whether she looks better in this look or native one. Nevertheless I am an admirer in both cases.

As we walk by we heard weird noises. A girl shouting "stop". Before I could do anything she quickly ran towards that place to our surprise in a tight backstreet in dark a man was in an appropriate state with a lady and they were half naked. He was forcefully kissing her neck and holding her hair violently while inserting himself in her with the lady pushed against wall. I looked at Eloise who was not moving and standing still. I quickly held her hand and lead her back. From the carriage to the palace. She said nothing.

"It was inappropriate right? How indecent of them." I asked to check her. She stayed silent.

After a while she asked me avoiding eye contact for the first time. "Is this what you say desires are? Do you want us to be like this? To do such things to me?"

With multiple pauses she completed her sentence. "No not like that. They were really violent and the place was not right." I quickly tried to explain.

"So in a room then and little gently but do this?" Her face was flushed. She was a bit embarrassed.

"Everybody has a liking. I never forced you. You do not have to worry. You can trust me." I did not know what to say.

"I often catch you staring at my lips and my neck. Do you want to do what that man was doing there?"

I could not admit. I could see she was scared. After getting no response. She said again "I can understand now what a man and woman thing is. Can I sleep alone today I beg you." She asked. She was sitting as far as she can from me in the carriage.

"Eloise you do not need to ask me. You can do what you want I offered you liberty when we get married remember." I tried to calm her.

Then I saw her ran away and locked herself in the room as soon as we reach home. For next few days she avoided going out and even she ate in the room. She made excuse that she was sick. I cannot count how many times I have peak in her room from the window. She was analysing things and she was comparing me with that man and I hated it. It was time to travel to Germany now.

Everything was silent. No matter how many times I tried to explain things to her I could not. I am not a good talker. Last few days that I spend with her in her bed sometimes in her arms feels like a distant dream now. In our journey. She sat close to the wall of carriage holding a book. She was uncomfortable I could see and not once she looked at me or said anything.

We finally reached Germany today. After a long journey we were exhausted. Like usual she locked herself in the room. I could not help but get drunk.