23| Drifting away

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He was dragged by Benedict back home. His clothes filled with dust and his face looked weary. He could not imagine what just happened. Leaving Benedict behind he ran towards his room and locked it quickly.

It still had aura of Eloise. He could detect her presence in here. Some of her stuff lying outside was questioning him about their owner. Soon his feet started trembling and eventually he lost his balance and fell. His heart was aching and his face turned red.

"How could you do this? Pen to your own Eloise? She did this for you. She is dragged somewhere dark just because of you. You should have stopped it. You should have stopped publishing it. The only thing that made you feel a little better stole your everything from you.
Oh Eloise! She just said she loved me she must hates me now. She should hate a man like me. I could not keep my promise. " he shouted.

With the anger shadowing his heart. He started punching on the floor. Stuff of her kept asking him questions, tormenting him. Eventually he started hearing voices. Soon he started losing his conscious and eventually fainting on the floor.

———

Benedict who hardly dragged Pen back was quickly bombarded by Portia Featherington. Her son was just back but at what cost? She could see he was miserable. She could not even hug his son to check if it was actually real. Weary face of Benedict was enough indicator that things did not went well.

She asked him to come inside. Quickly she handed him tea. Without resisting much he took a sip and breath deeply. Taking a seat herself after a minute she asked "What happened? Where is Eloise?"

"Queen imprisoned her in return of restoring everything. She offended her." He shed a tear.

"For how long?" Frowning.

"Maybe forever. But the title is safe. He can continue publishing even." In a sad voice.

"I think we should quickly announce then that it was a misunderstanding and Eloise is visiting her cousin in suburbs. Meanwhile we will try to find a way.But first we should silent these scandals."Thoughtfully.

"I need some rest. Bye." He said wearily and went away with heavy feet. He just lost her sister in front of his eyes.

——-
Two days later

He found himself lying on bed. His head burning and his eyes swollen from all the crying. He rubbed his eyes. Room was in a messy state her stuff lying here and there still waiting for its owner. He did not knew what day it was all he knew was that sun was still out.

He hardly moved his body. He was still wearing cell uniform but it was stinking now. In a messy state he stood up but eventually fell on floor creating a loud sound.He lost lot of weight in last week.

Without waiting after knocking at the door. Miss Portia eventually came inside only to find him conscious now but lying on floor lost in thought and silently weeping like a baby. Quickly she sat down checking him out with worried eyes.

"Pen dear are you okay?" In a soft voice.

"Pen?" "Pen?" "Everything is okay. We will find Eloise she will be back."

"Pen hold yourself. You need to be okay to save her. What can you do in this state? We manage all of this we will eventually find a way to take her back too."

"Pen!" "Pen!" "Keep staying in this state then. You will save her like this."

She eventually lost her patience and angrily left him after scolding him.

———-

Benedict pov:

As I saw Miss Featherington leaving his room in anger. I stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. I knew that it was not going well. Pen was doing really bad and all this chaos was due to me. Only if they would have announced my name nothing would have happened.

I could not help but to blame myself. But it was no time to drool in regret valleys I had to do something to make it okay again. For someone with help of Miss Featherington we already announced that Eloise left for Europe trip. About rest of the business it was simply normal but yet unattended.

It was still middle of the new season and absence of Lady Whistledown disturbed people. It was definitely not a common thing. This was the time of the year when she was most active. Although image of Bridgertons and Featheringtons was still unaffected.

For a moment I prepared myself and then slowly entered his room. It was all messy and uncleaned. I saw Pen lying on floor his clothes dirty. His overgrown beard,red swollen eyes and tears escaping his eyes one by one continuously. I could see he also befriended guilt like me.

Standing at a distance from him I addressed him and preach him my pep talk that I curated carefully in last few days.

"Pen! You need to get hold of yourself. I have a good news for you. In last few days I tried my means best to find a way to communicate with her although we are not allowed to meet her but you can send letters to her and she can reply you back. Also I was told that she is not being tortured and is isolated in some place.

Pen I cannot do it alone. You need to help me too. Do you want to do something about the situation or just lie down there and keep crying? Do you think it will help her?"

My speech met with his silence. I did not knew what to say next. For a moment I looked at him helplessly. Eventually I decided to turn around and was about to leave when I heard his heavy shivering voice.

"It's all over. I could not save her. I should have stopped. How can I send her a letter? She must hates me now. She deserved a better person. In my proposal I offered her freedom and look what I actually gave her prison? I am ashamed at myself. I can never forgive myself." He sobbed.

"Did you not heard her? She loves you. She did all that to save you. She wanted you to write she knew you loved it. Do you want to waste it? If you offered her freedom then help me. We need to get her back."

He was silent again. I did not know what to say anymore. I left him there. Eventually next day I saw him in the Bridgerton hall. He groomed himself a bit. But I could see pain in his eyes. I asked everyone to leave us alone.

Although nobody knew about anything. He stood in the halls with dreamy eyes he looked at me and spoke. "I proposed her here. She was so surprised."

"Oh yes." I did not knew what to say.

"Let's do what we can."

————-
Pen pov:

In anger I started punching on floor eventually I opened my hidden box that I buried under floor. To my surprise I saw a letter in it. I recognised handwriting it was none other than Eloise's writing. Quickly I opened it.

"Pen! I do not know what is going to happen today but I promise I will never let anything happen to you. I want to tell you that my heart aches and I often cant breathe properly. I don't know when I first fell for you.

You love Lady Whistledown Pen I still remember when you told me that it was the only thing you loved. I do not want you to lose it. I want you to keep writing. I want to know all juicy scandals. I want to read it.

I miss your arms around me already. I miss your voice. I want to hold you. I wish it will be okay again. I will never let you go again. I will hold you tightly. I will be like the ladies of ton. My whole existence revolves around you now. I wish I could say it to your face but maybe I will not find the courage to do that. No matter what I want you to be happy and smile. Can you do that for me? Can you love me forever?"

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