I understand that you are being brave, but I do see it through the cracks. I see the pain and the struggle below the smiles and laughter. It is perfectly okay not to be okay.
Hiding your pain seems like it is probably the easiest thing right now, but really, it's making things worse. You do not need to take the burden yourself.
I know the feeling of wanting to give up, come on, you have traveled so far. It shows that you have been able to overcome such things through good and happy times.
Lower your guard for once. It is okay to ask for help. It's okay not to be perfect.
You're not alone in this battle, and I am here for you, luv.
