I looked up to you.
I relied on you,
I trusted you.
You ignored and punished without reason.
You dismissed me out of hand.
Looked over a shift in behaviour.
Everything was my fault,
You made everything my fault.
I remember what I can,
I forget what will harm.
You recognise your fault but not the extent.
You let me suffer while you were treading water.
I try to reach others,
A desperate call for help.
They tell me it's just for attention.
That your outside face couldn't act vicious towards me.
When I don't talk to you they ask me why.
They say I wasn't trying hard enough.
I tried to mend what we had,
But we never had anything in the first place.
I didn't know anything was wrong,
It was all I knew, and I just got through it.
I am cut and broken with not a scar to show for it.
I am the same as now as I was back then, and you still question it.
You think you know me,
You think I was fine.
You think that you did very little wrong.
I am sad to bring up what you did,
I don't want to make you hurt,
I want to make you realise how bad it was.
I looked up to you,
Relied on you for everything.
You broke, and ignored, and left me to drown.
I learned to swim without you,
Learned to grow years after the fact.
You did your best,
It just wasn't enough.
I'm sorry.
