MADMAN'S DEMISE

22

Wednesday, August 27th

Beverly Frazier

Trundling through the hallways back at the institution the morning after, the ravenous anxiousness was slowly devouring all that was left of me. Although we had not yet reached the end of the trial, or even the closing arguments, me, as well as Brandon, was certain enough that it was now a lost cause because of the evidence that was presented by Leo Myer.

Truly I didn't know what was worse. The disappointment, or the extreme compassion I felt for Brandon, knowing this was all in vain and that there was no hope left in him to ever gather. It wasn't the right time for me to cry, but as hard as I had to focus not to let the burning tears behind my eyes blast out in flames, I was afraid I might not live up to what I should and shouldn't do. Not on one ground did I want this to appear as my concern, although Brandon already knew this was tough for me as well.

Albeit I would never lie to him, I wanted to appear strong and still show as little emotion as I possibly could in front of Brandon. He was already dealing with everything as tough as it was, so the last thing I wanted to cause him was even more inconvenience. Yet I had promised Dorothy to get him through this, all the way to the end.

I dried off my humid palms on my dress, dragging them up and down my hips a couple of times as I reminded myself to act as the nurse I was. Standing outside room 292, I inhaled deeply one last time before stepping inside and meeting with the yet again defeated young man. He instantly locked eyes with me, the mysteriousness in his brown irises keeping every sign of emotion within.

"I... I'm so sorry Brandon." With a trembling bottom lip, the words escaped my mouth sounding more like a whisper than a proper sentence. I felt my eyes were now glistening, disappointing me since crying was the only thing I tried keeping myself from doing at this moment. But Brandon didn't falter at my words, nor my obvious upsetment, instead his mouth slightly twitched, a dimple digging into his left cheek. Per usual it was hard figuring out what was going on inside him, therefore all I could do was wait for his response.

With gaze still fixed at my being standing by the door, Brandon rose from where he sat on the broad window sill, and slowly plod the few steps it took to approach me. Towering over me, he kept the same look on his face as he took my face into his big hands.

"It's okay." His calm voice assured me, still I couldn't possibly understand why he would say such thing. Our future together was lost. At least the one outside this goddamn building. I shook my head, my big eyes concerned and wondering.

"No... no it's not." I quavered, Brandon's hands still holding my cheeks and making me warm. He hushed me, his eyes trying to comfort me and hypnotize me into changing my mind.

"Beverly." The calmness in him still disturbed me. Why was he not as upset as me? Why was he not furious with Leo Myer?

"Don't you understand what happened yesterday? Don't you understand what it means for us, for the future we wanted? Don't-"

"Listen to me, baby." Brandon interrupted me, his words leaving me breathless.

His thumb gently stroked the skin of my left cheek, making me blink slowly, and causing a tear to fall at last. Once again I was conquered by my weakness, and even worse, it was in front of Brandon. I looked down in shame, not able to keep eyes connected with him as I was so disappointed with myself. Instead, I waited for him to start talking, curious about what he wanted me to listen to.

"Look at me." He tried tilting my face upward, but with all my power, I refused to let my eyes move along.

"I can't." I snuffled. Brandon had seen me cry numerous times before, still, I couldn't bear dealing with this moment. Not only because of the disappointment I felt with myself but because of what had happened yesterday. I knew I shouldn't be this torn apart, since I already knew - stepping into this - how small of a chance it was to succeed. I was the one who told Brandon it was worth a chance. This shouldn't change my mind about that. But getting to know the truth, sitting there watching it all and realizing it was actually over brought me into pain. I couldn't help the heartache, no matter how much I wanted to avoid it and try to think logically. It was just the way I felt. It was just the way my body reacted.

"Look at me, Beverly!" This time he sounded a lot more determined, his tone darker but his voice still calm. In an instant, I glanced up at him again, meeting his eyes, not daring to disobey him any longer. A knot placed my stomach, making me swallow hard as I looked into those dark, piercing eyes staring down at me.

Moving slowly, Brandon started tracing forward, forcing my body to move backwards with him all the way until my back hit the cold wall right beside the door of his room. The chills traced down my spine, the wall cool and hard even through the fabric of my attire. My breaths increased in pace, my lungs feeling as enclosed as I was standing between Brandon and the wall. Why didn't he just start talking already? I was already drained enough from yesterday's unfortunate occasion, there was no energy left for play.

All I wanted was comfort - to comfort - and lay in Brandon's arms for the rest of this day. I wanted to be here for him, show him the support he needed simply by just being, as he did the same to me, with or without being aware of it himself.