In the cutthroat world of tabloid journalism, it takes a village to raise a scandal. But in my case, it just takes one smokin' hot, genius-level, Pulitzer-worthy (any day now) reporter to change the game. That's right, I'm talking about yours truly – Gail Hailstorm.
First and foremost, I'd like to thank myself for having the courage, tenacity, and killer instincts to write this masterpiece. Gail, you've outdone yourself this time, girl! Your dedication to truth (or at least, a more interesting version of it) is an inspiration to vapid, wannabe journalists everywhere.
A standing ovation to my perfectly manicured hands, which tirelessly typed out these pages while simultaneously dialing up sources and applying my signature coral lipstick. You go, girls!
To my legs, which have run faster than O.J.'s white Bronco to get me to crime scenes before the yellow tape goes up – you're the real MVPs. And let's not forget my eyes, which have an eagle-like ability to spot a grieving widow from a mile away. Congrats on another job well done!
I must also acknowledge my finely tuned BS detector, which has only steered me wrong 60% of the time. That's a solid D-, and in this business, that's practically a Harvard degree!
A moment of silence for all the assistants I've gone through while writing this book. Your sacrifices (sometimes literal) have not been in vain. Well, they have, but they made for some killer anecdotes, so there's that.
Lastly, I'd like to thank the countless criminals, corrupt officials, and morally bankrupt celebrities who've provided me with endless material. Without your depravity, I'd be nothing more than a pretty face with a knack for making up stories... oh wait, I still am!
In all seriousness (as if!), this book is dedicated to the one person who truly understands the depth of my talent and the breadth of my ambition – me. Gail, you're a star, baby!
Now, let's go make some headlines!
XOXO,
Gail Hailstorm
(Your future Pulitzer Prize winner and/or defendant in numerous libel suits)
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You're Dead, I'm Rich: A Shamelessly Exploitative Guide to Tabloid Journalism
ComédieIn "You're Dead, I'm Rich," notorious tabloid terror Gail Hailstorm spills her secrets on how to turn tragedy into cold, hard cash. This no-holds-barred guide to gutter journalism will teach you how to: Outrun cops in six-inch heels Hide in morgues...
