The rambling of a writer

The trauma train! Choo choo!

"She had so much trauma in her life she was crying practically every day in her room with her head in the pillow. Why me?"

"I- I'm not sure how to tell you... I've had some past experiences..."

"They got immediate flashbacks to that moment. The complete shock overruled them and brought them to a panic attack. Huffing and puffing on their knees they made it outside of the classroom."

↢_______.-._____.~*☾*~._____.-._______↣

Trauma is a great motive for a story. It can drive a character, or hold it back.

It can develop a character, give them depth or shows the reader how to the character deals with them.

BUT *puts on her granny glasses* 
NEWSFLASH!
Every human being has some sort of trauma in their life. So why make it such an issue!
Note: I'm not telling trauma's aren't serious >.> Keep reeding please.

There's something in starting writers where drama apparently only can be there because of severe trauma their main has had.

The clichés:
- Bad parents... The classic alcoholoic, abusive parents. Mostly described as Oh so spontanious and out of nowhere angry. Throwing stuff around at their kids and do things on a whim.
... Bad parenting is often a lot more under the radar as children learn that that's their reality. They won't think: "Oh, my dad is so abusive." 
No, they think: "Oh, dad is angry. Probably forgot to do the dishes again."

- The harsh ex.
Either abusive or stalking.
They are amazing to write, but more often than not they are described as only agressive, while abuse entails so much more. We can all see the red flags, but your char should remain oblivious, until something changes. (And that is more than often the prince on his white horse, which is like... a whole other red flag!)

- Near death or death of a relative.
Preferably both parents who died at a young age which makes the protagonist in need to grow up fast...
I mean.... Childcare service? Laws? Something?!
And why let the parents die only because it's more  'convenient' so they have no ties holding them down?
When you're an adult, you don't have to be that close with your parents! They can excist and you still can go travel the world without them asking you to stay?

These are just to name a few.
What's even more annoying is the NEED to write that they have trauma.
Dude! NOONE goes out there proclaiming they have "Such bad trauma!" and if people do; you often steer away from those dramakings and queens!
Because someone flaunting their trauma's, is often not someone actively WORKING on them.

Also:
There's a difference between TRAUMATIC EVENTS and GETTING TRAUMATIZED by them!
If you are a healty, sane person, there will be traumatic events and you will learn how to cope/deal with it.

Trauma is when you can't handle that traumatic event and get held back by it in daily life.
(In which case: Get help... get therapy... learn to do something with it.)

Yes, the trauma's can form your character. It gives them flavor and motivates them to do or don't do things in life, but please: Refrain from flatout telling the readers!

Sidenote tantrum: Most writers here are either in puberty or adolescents... Not that much adults.
Fun thing about teenagers: Their brain is litterly wired to OVERDRAMATIZE everything. Why? Because their hormone levels are unbalancened and make them feel too much or too little all at once, without the capabilities to give their emotions a name. 
(The teenager brain is fascinating)
Young adults, often students, go through learning phases of who they are and how to function in a society. They often see everything as one big drama, because they haven't developed the set of skills in need to function in said society. They are also still learning and often at the beginning stages of detecting their own traumatic events from the past. (And living in some as well... Live happens)

So, are you guys excused? Nope... Get better, don't dramatize, and don't feel special you snowflake! There's always someone who had a harder time than you, so instead of whining; learn from it and overcome!
*again, writer me isn't saying your trauma isn't legit... just telling you to that life's hard.*

↢_______.-._____.~*☾*~._____.-._______↣

So, how to write better trauma?
- Don't...
Well, don't call it 'trauma' but use the good ol: Show, don't tell, rule in writing!
Let the audience piece together what kind of trauma someone had. Don't spell it out for them.
- If you do spell it out; Don't let your character show it to the outside world!
Okay, so they have been SA'd and we, the reader, know. You don't go prancing that around, would you? So instead of telling their love interest they had an SA happened to them; Show it by letting them flinch slightly at certain touches. Letting them evade intimate moments. Let the love interest frown when they kiss, but they have the feeling the other is only doing is half absentmindedly. Give them bits and pieces, not the whole trauma dump!
- Normalize certain trauma, because it is not.
Every person on earth has been bullied a little. That's not trauma, that's learning your behavior sometimes doesn't fit the setting you're in.
Yes, you're a victim, but also; you inflicted this on yourself with your unawareness.
Observe, learn how people react to certain social cues and then decide if you either adapt and fit in or go against and accept that people won't like you. Both are fine, as long as you have a savezone somewhere.
(Yeah, you! You young, innocent teenager! Midde- and highschool suck, but wait till you meet adults! They can be even harder! They just won't flatout tell you you should shower or dress differently. They will gossip behind your back and succeeding in keeping it under the radar!)
- Don't describe trauma only: Show them in small ways how the protagonist deals with it. Either small therapist sessions, them reading a good self help book, letting them learn something about themselves that seems like a trapquality. Let them grow!
- Most trauma is numb.
People won't go in panic mode that easily. There has to be severe trauma or a really big trigger to let it happen. More than often, the people who stay silent, keep smiling, ignore or dismiss are the ones with the biggest trauma's.
Because in nature: the first thing the body does when dealing with trauma is... SURVIVING! Adapt and go on! There's no time to progress... You need to go on!
Let them not flinch once when they see someone get angry. Let them bite their inner cheeks instead of letting them cry all the time. Make them smile weakly when someone witness something. It is THEIR normal and NORMAL shows trauma.

↢_______.-._____.~*☾*~._____.-._______↣

Writer's confessions:

Most cliché trauma's have been used in my stories. Yep, said it!
I looooove writing exes. The hardest part is making them do no abusive shit physically, but mentaly. 
How to achieve that?
WELL! CRINGEFEST!
I think back to all the shitty interactions I've had in my past or which I've seen others have.
So yeah, things like dismissing someones emotions? Been there, done that. Not proud of it, but great inspiration!
Not to say that every ex I've written has something I did myself>.> But I'm well aware I'm not a saint either. Wish I could be that, but no... I've been a shitty human to people as well and won't frown when someone tells me I've been their traumatic event.