Old & Knew

TWELVE

AVA

The meeting went nothing like I imagined. Mason was cooperative, humble and open to my ideas. According to him, SDG's new goals included working with nonprofits and  ReGenesis's mission fit the bill. Though great news, I held on to my trepidations because with men like Mason, their spots rarely change. In the meantime and with business in mind, we made a deal and with a few digital signatures, my organization climbed into bed with SDG.

"Congrats sis. I told you to work those connections."

"Thanks, Reggie. It feels good to have associates I can count on. I guess my time in the industry wasn't wasted after all. "

"Let's celebrate tonight, just you and me; kick back and chill at the spot like we used to."

My internal alarms screamed, nah, we're good.

"Stop pressing those big ass lip together, staring at me with judgy eyes. You deserve to toot your own horn. And if you don't, tonight I damn sure will."

Despite my reaction, I knew he was right. Before ReGenesis, did we ever chill. Tugging at my moo moo, my stomach burned slightly as memories of bottomless rounds of liquor riled up my gut.

Never without a purpose, I would often question Reggie's choices, but forever respect his hustle.  Like our father, his service disabilities never hindered his ambition. When he first mentioned his purchase of an abandoned building on the edge of town ten years ago, I was filled with concern that another binge would cost half my salary in the effort to  reverse the consequences of his poor judgement.

"I have kids, sis and they don't give a damn I can't hold down a job.  They gotta eat, and it's my duty to make sure they do."

A few hundred thousand dollars and nearly as many antacids later, Prevail  jazz club opened it's doors, thriving ever since.  Did I want to go out? Nope. No bra, no panties and my blanket were my new favorite things. But my brother was right. I needed to chill.

"I'll meet you at ten."

"That's what the fuck I'm talking about." Reggie's exuberance made the acceptance of his invite worthwhile.

If nothing else, my baby brother would always be my best friend and the only person who could pull me out of a funk and my house, especially after the sun set.  His enthusiasm remained long after he left to make sure I would have the time of my life.  Neither of us could foresee how double sided that sword would be. And if I had, my moo moo would have remained on and thoughts of my future, off.

JL

Bry's new man wasn't my concern. She and JJ seemed happy, so what was a nigga to do?

Back home, I focused on my show, counseling and getting my mind right to be the father my kids deserved.  As far as Ava,  we had barely communicated outside of emails and text. I missed her, our conversations, but with guidance from my therapist began to understand why she needed space which was fine. But, I had to confess, if I would've known my life would end up like this,  Bry would've waited a lot longer on the other side of that door.

The rainy day outside, matched my drab emotions. Forcing myself out of bed, I entered the living room to see Chad giddy ass on my couch with a beer in his hand.

"When the fuck did you get here?"

"A little while ago." He answered without removing his eyes from the tv.

"Chad."

The bass in my voice caught his attention. Spilling his beer, he jumped, then sat up to face me.

"Your key is for emergencies, not for busting into my place like you pay muthafucking bills."

He wiped his arm after setting down his bottle.

"Relax, damn. You knew I had a tournament this weekend. This was your idea, remember."

"If I did, would I be ready to kick your ass out right now?"

Shaking his head, he scoffed while biting his lip.  After a deep sigh, he replied.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

"Nothing, I just don't wanna be in my house with my nuts out and a nigga sprawled out on my couch."

"First of all, fuck your nuts. Second, you're mad at the wrong nigga."

Pulling on a pair of sweats from the back of a dining room chair, I asked. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what the hell I mean, Jay. Ever since you saw Bry with someone else, you've been pissy."

"We're damn near divorced. And you think I actually give a fuck about what she does?"

Looking me up and down, he answered.

"If you didn't,  you wouldn't be all bent out of shape about simple shit, like me accepting your invitation to hang out while I'm in town."

Easing closer to the couch, I responded. "It sounds like you're calling me a bitch in my own house."

"I'm not calling you anything. What you're acting like is an entirely different story."

"Fuck you."

"Jay, back off. I'm not here to fight."

"That's exactly where this is headed."

Chad stood. Staring me in the eyes, he declared with conviction.

"You need some wet pussy and a stiff drink. I'm going to practice a few rounds, then handle some business. When I get back, we're going out. I got the drinks, you find your own pussy and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to talk to the real JL."

While strolling towards the front door, he mumbled. "Nigga all in my face like he wanna fight."

As the door closed behind him, I turned towards the dreary skyline. Fuck Chad. I grabbed my phone from the kitchen island, scrolling to Ava's name. The fabric of my sweats tightened as thoughts of her and I on the sofa flooded my mind. My thumb hovered, but I couldn't bring myself to connect the call. Why did I just allow her to push me away when we wanted more than we both lied to ourselves about?

"Fuck."

I tossed the phone onto the counter. Shit, was Chad right? Where was the JL who gave zero fucks, the one who could fuck a few bitches at the same time and boot they ass as soon as he nutted. Where was the Legacy who owned his shit with pride instead of cowering in his penthouse weighed down by shit he couldn't control. The image reflected in the double ovens couldn't have been my own.  I had to find myself again. And tonight would be the time for it to all begin.