Echoes of the Rain

suffocating emptiness

I open my eyes slowly, blinking against the bright, sterile lights above me. The room feels cold, too clean, too white. I look around, my mind foggy, struggling to piece together where I am. A hospital ward… but why?

"No… this must be a dream," I whisper to myself, my voice hoarse. "It has to be a dream."

I press the call button, and a nurse comes in, her face soft with concern. "Can I have my phone?" I ask, feeling a slight panic rising in my chest. She hesitates, her expression unreadable, and then without saying a word, she leaves the room.

Moments later, yoonsoo steps in. His face is drawn, eyes red as if he hasn't slept for days.

"Yuri," he says gently, "how are you feeling?"

"Yoonsoo… why are you here? Shouldn’t you be…" I frown, confusion clouding my thoughts. "Wait… why am I in the hospital?"

He swallows, glancing away for a moment. "Yuri… you don’t remember?"

"Remember what?" I ask, irritation mixing with the fear in my chest. "Where is Yohan? Please call him. He must be angry with me."

Yoonsoo's face twists slightly, like he’s trying to keep something inside, something painful. "Yuri… Yohan… he’s waiting for you," he says, his voice strangely calm, almost too calm. "Let’s go. He must be tired of waiting for you."

A sense of confusion ripples through me. "Waiting? For me?" I stand up, swaying slightly, but yoonsoo reaches out to steady me. His hands feel cold, even through the fabric of my gown.

We leave the room together. I glance around, hoping to see Yohan’s familiar face, to hear his voice calling out my name. My heart races, and the hallway seems to stretch endlessly, every step we take echoing in the silence.

"Where are we going?" I ask yoonsoo, my voice small and uncertain.

He just looks ahead, his grip on my arm tightening a little. "You’ll see," he murmurs. His tone sends a shiver down my spine.

As we turn a corner, I see a crowd of people gathered, their faces solemn, their eyes downcast. My heartbeat quickens. "Yoonsoo, where is Yohan? Why is everyone…"

Yoonsoo stops, turning to face me. There’s a sadness in his eyes, a deep well of pain I’ve never seen before. "Yuri… he’s there," he whispers, nodding toward the end of the hall.

I look past him and my breath catches in my throat. At the end of the corridor, through the large windows, I see the entrance to a room draped in white curtains. A single gurney sits inside, covered with a white sheet. The world tilts on its axis, and suddenly, I know… I know this isn’t a dream. This is reality.

I feel my legs weaken, the strength leaving my body. "No… no… it can’t be," I whisper, shaking my head. "Yoonsoo… please, tell me… tell me it’s not true."

Yoonsoo's grip tightens, tears streaming down his face. "Yuri… I’m so sorry," he chokes out, his voice breaking.

My knees buckle, and I feel myself sinking to the floor, the weight of the truth crashing over me like a tidal wave. The world spins, and my heart shatters into a million pieces, unable to comprehend a life without Yohan.

Slap.

The sharp sound reverberates through the room, but I barely feel it. My cheek stings, but it’s nothing compared to the pain clawing at my heart.

Yohan’s mother stands over me, her face twisted with rage, tears streaming down her face. "It’s all because of you, you wretched girl!" she screams, her voice venomous. "You ruined him! You ate him alive with your selfishness. If it weren’t for you, he would still be here, alive!"

Her words slice through the air like knives, but they don't cut me. Not anymore. My mind feels numb, my body hollow, like I’m not even here. Her curses wash over me—"You cursed his life! You’re a plague, a worthless creature! You took my son from me, and now you’ll rot in your misery."

People gather around, some pulling her away, others trying to console her. But her grief has turned into hate, and all that hate is directed at me. "I knew you’d bring him nothing but destruction," she spits. "You’re nothing but poison. He would have been better off without you, without your misery dragging him down!"

I don’t respond. I don’t even flinch. My senses feel deadened, as if my soul has already left my body, as if there’s nothing left to feel. I sit there, lifeless, like a shell of a person who used to be me. The tears that once flowed freely have dried up, leaving my eyes hollow, empty.

Around me, people whisper, their murmurs blending into the background. They offer condolences to his mother, words of sympathy, of shared grief. Some glance at me with pity, others with blame, but I’m just a shadow in the corner, unnoticed, insignificant.

I stare blankly ahead, the weight of the world crushing me, but I can’t even summon the strength to cry anymore. I feel like I’ve been drained of everything—my love, my sorrow, my hope. There’s nothing left but this suffocating emptiness.

Yoonsoo’s voice feels distant, muffled, as if he’s speaking from another world. He’s right beside me, I can feel his hand gently shaking me, trying to pull me back to the present, but my mind is far away. Somewhere deep inside, I know he’s trying to help, but his words don’t reach me. All I can think about is Yohan. The way he smiled, the way he played the piano, the way he looked at me—everything about him is swirling in my mind, replaying endlessly like a broken record.

"Yuri, let’s go to the hospital," yoonsoo says again, his voice strained with concern.

I don’t respond. My legs won’t move, my lips won’t form words. All I can do is stare ahead as they begin to move Yohan’s coffin. I watch as it slowly inches away from me, further and further. The realization that I’ll never see him again in this life hits me, but I’m frozen in place. I can’t even bring myself to chase after it.

Yoonsoo calls my name again, shaking me harder this time, but I feel like I’m sinking into a bottomless pit. My mind is clouded, lost in the darkness of grief, and no matter how much he tries, he can’t reach me. I barely feel his presence anymore.

The coffin disappears from the room, leaving behind an empty space where Yohan should have been. The room feels colder, quieter. The echo of footsteps fades, and before I know it, the room is completely empty.

I close my eyes, hoping that when I open them again, everything will be different. That this will all just be a nightmare I can wake up from. But deep down, I know it won’t. Yohan is gone, and there’s no waking up from this.

I open my eyes, and again, it's the hospital. The sterile smell hits me first, then the soft beeping of machines in the distance. The room is dimly lit, and I see yoonsoo slouched on the sofa, fast asleep. His chest rises and falls steadily, but I can tell from his face that the exhaustion isn’t just physical. He’s been worrying about me.

I quietly slip out of the bed, my feet touching the cold floor. I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to leave. The hospital feels suffocating, like a constant reminder of the emptiness that now clings to my heart. I find my way outside and flag down a taxi. The driver doesn’t say much, just glances at me through the rearview mirror and drives. I don't even remember telling him my destination, but somehow we end up at my apartment.

The gate creaks as I push it open. The familiar scent of home rushes at me, but it feels different now, colder. I step inside, and the sight that greets me stops me in my tracks. Everything is exactly as we left it. Balloons, flowers, the colorful decorations that Yohan had so carefully put up for my birthday—they’re still there, untouched. But now they look so out of place, like a cruel joke in a world that’s lost its light.

I stand there, frozen, for what feels like an eternity. My legs, heavy with grief and exhaustion, finally give way, and I collapse to the floor. The weight of everything crashes down on me all at once. The silence in the room is deafening, broken only by the faint rustling of the decorations that sway with the wind coming through the cracked window.

The room, once filled with laughter and love, feels hollow now. My heart aches as I sit there, surrounded by everything Yohan left behind. His presence lingers in every corner, but he’s not here. Tears that have long dried up seem to start again, but no sound escapes my lips. There’s only the quiet, and the crushing reality that nothing will ever be the same again.