My Year in Chicago - Carl Gallagher

About the other day...

The next few days felt like I was floating through life, but with this weird, heavy feeling in the back of my mind. All I could think about was Carl and that kiss. It had been so intense, so unexpected, and now I didn't know what to do with all these feelings swirling around inside me.

At home, everything seemed normal. My dad was still busy with work, and my brother was always either studying or hanging out with his friends. But for me, nothing felt normal. I'd be eating dinner or doing homework, and then suddenly, I'd remember the way Carl kissed me. The way his lips felt, the warmth of his hand on my back... I'd have to shake myself out of the daydream and pretend nothing was different.

I found myself writing in my diary a lot more, trying to make sense of everything.

*Dear Diary,*

*So, Carl kissed me. Or maybe I kissed him? I don't even know. It just... happened. And now, I can't stop thinking about it. But here's the thing—he hasn't brought it up since. I mean, we've texted, but it's like nothing happened. I don't get it. Should I bring it up? Or just wait until we hang out again?*

*I'm supposed to tutor him tomorrow, and I'm nervous. What if it's awkward? What if he regrets it? I don't want things to change, but at the same time, I can't pretend like that kiss didn't mean something to me. I just wish I knew what he was thinking...*

I sighed and closed the diary, feeling even more confused. Maybe talking to Tori would help. I grabbed my phone and sent her a quick text:

*Hey, got time to talk?*

A few minutes later, my phone buzzed with her reply:

*Always. What's up?*

I took a deep breath and typed back:

*Carl kissed me. Well, we kissed. But now he's acting like nothing happened, and I'm freaking out a little.*

Tori's response came in almost instantly.

*WHAT?! OMG! Tell me everything, right now!*

I couldn't help but smile. Tori always knew how to make me feel better, even when I was a nervous wreck. I quickly typed out the story, telling her about how we'd hung out, how the kiss had just kind of... happened, and how Carl hadn't mentioned it since.

*Okay, so maybe he's just being awkward,* Tori texted back. *You know how guys are. They're not great at talking about their feelings. Just wait until your next tutoring session and see how he acts in person.*

She had a point. Carl wasn't exactly the kind of guy to pour his heart out. But still, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his head. Was he avoiding the topic on purpose? Did he regret it? Or was he just... being Carl?

The next day, I went to school with a knot in my stomach, counting down the hours until our tutoring session. I tried to focus on my classes, but my mind kept drifting back to Carl. Every time I thought about seeing him, my heart started racing.

When the final bell rang, I practically ran to the library, feeling a mix of excitement and dread. I sat down at our usual table, my fingers tapping nervously on my notebook. A few minutes later, Carl walked in, looking as laid-back as ever. But there was something in the way he walked, the way he glanced at me, that seemed... off.

"Hey," he said, dropping into the chair next to me.

"Hey," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

We jumped right into the lesson, like nothing had changed, but I could feel the tension between us. Every time I tried to catch his eye, Carl seemed to avoid my gaze. He was quieter than usual, like he was purposely keeping the conversation focused on French and nothing else.

After about twenty minutes of this, I couldn't take it anymore. I put down my pen and turned to him. "So... about the other day," I started, my heart racing.

Carl tensed up immediately. He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes. "Yeah, uh... about that..."

There was an awkward pause. He looked uncomfortable, like he really didn't want to talk about it.

I bit my lip, feeling my stomach twist. "I mean... was that just a one-time thing? Or—"

Carl cut me off, his voice a little too casual. "Yeah, I mean... it was cool and all, but... let's just focus on the tutoring, okay?"

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart sank. "Oh. Yeah. Sure."

I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I wasn't expecting some grand declaration of feelings, but I also didn't expect him to brush it off like it meant nothing. I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded and picked up my pen, pretending to be focused on the worksheet in front of me.

The rest of the session felt like it dragged on forever. Carl was back to his usual self, cracking jokes and messing around, but I could tell he was avoiding anything that wasn't about French or school. I tried to play along, but it was hard to shake the disappointment I felt.

When the session finally ended, Carl packed up his stuff and gave me a quick smile. "Thanks for the help, as always," he said, standing up.

"No problem," I replied, forcing a smile.

As he walked away, I couldn't help but wonder what was really going on in his head. Was he just scared of what that kiss meant? Or did he genuinely not care?

Either way, I knew one thing: I wasn't going to push it. If Carl wanted to pretend nothing happened, then maybe I'd have to do the same..