Caught in Haze

Chapter Two

My dad dying sucked for a lot of reasons. The first one being, no adults in my life looked at me the same. I used to be, "Up and coming soccer star, Charlie Walker!" Suddenly, I was, "Charlie Walker, the kid with the dead dad."

I got no say in how people saw me.

Another reason my dad dying sucked is because it affected the most important thing to me. Soccer. My chance to write our name in history.

The U.S. soccer federation left my name off of the list for the U-17 World Cup because they thought my fathers death would affect my performance. His death caused a setback in my future that he himself had worked so hard to help me build. That World Cup could have put me on the map if I performed well. When I found out the reason I was left off the roster was because the one man who was just as dedicated to seeing me succeed as I was had died? Well, kick me while I'm already down, why don't you?

The third reason my dad dying sucked: I lost my mom too. Not in the same way, no. But in a way that was almost worse.

She was just a shell.

She went to and from work and made sure to check in with me when I got home from school. Then, after dinner each night she would retire to her bedroom where she would quietly try to hide her sobs so I wouldn't hear. I heard it all, and I knew how much pain she was in. For the first four months after his death, this was her routine. I knew, but I didn't know how to make it stop.

Slowly, the sobbing stopped and the quietness ensued. Four more months of silence began after dinner every night. Sometimes I think it was worse than the crying. At least then I knew she was feeling something, instead of being some kind of living ghost.

Funny enough, after almost a year of my mom being basically checked out of life, an old song from a fan edit I was watching on my phone brought her out of her stupor.

"That was your dad's favorite song." She said, catching me off guard. I'd looked up and saw her watching me with more life in her eyes than I'd seen in months. Then she'd tucked back into herself and completed her nightly scheduled silence.

The change began after that; I started seeing more flashes of life in her eyes. At first it was only once or twice a month, but it started gradually increasing as time went on. That light that made my mom who she was started staying around progressively longer the more flashes she had. And then one day, the light just stayed on.

I have my mom back now. But by the time I got her, it had already been two years of living without her.

In every way that wasn't financial, I supported myself.

And that's why I threw myself completely into dad's plan. Soccer.

I worked hard. I practiced and worked out for hours every day. I earned my spot back on the U.S. youth team. I made myself one of the best female high school players in the country. I had offers from more than 20 top schools, begging me to come play for them.

I have set myself up for success and all I really have to do is reach out and grab it.

There is nothing in the world that will stop me from making dad proud.