Ardor

Chapter 2

Trigger Warning: Panic Attack

***

As they left the house, things came crashing down on me.

I didn't even realise I had tears streaking down my cheeks.

An emotional storm suddenly hit me. Whatever I was feeling numb to came on to me heavily.

My hands trembled as I grabbed the nearest object, my heart pounding in my ears. Before I could think, I hurled it across the room. It hit the wall with a satisfying crash, shards scattering like the pieces of myself I'd been trying to hold together for too long.

It started slowly, almost like a faint buzzing in the back of my mind. My chest felt tight, as though someone was wrapping an invisible band around it and pulling tighter with each breath. I told myself to calm down, that it was nothing, but my heart didn't listen. It's pounding, hammering in my chest so loudly I can hear it in my ears.

I tried to breathe, but the air felt thick as if my lungs had forgotten how to expand. Each inhale was shallow, too quick, like I was gasping for something I couldn't catch. My fingers started tingling, then my hands, and soon my whole body felt light, disconnected as if I might float away—or collapse.

I couldn't focus. My vision blurred at the edges, dark spots dancing across my eyes. Everything around me felt too bright, too loud. The room tilted for a second, or maybe it was me, and I reached out, desperate to hold onto something solid. But my hand were shaking too much to grasp anything.

The fear tightened its grip. I didn't know what I was afraid of, but it was everywhere. My thoughts were racing, spinning out of control. Was I dying? Was I going to pass out? My chest felt like it was caving in. I was going to suffocate, I was sure of it. My throat closed up, and I swallowed, trying to force it open, but it felt like I was choking on nothing.

"Diya. Diya!"

I could hear someone—maybe myself—telling me it was going to be okay, that it was just in my head, but it didn't matter. The fear was real. It's in my body now, surging through my veins, turning my muscles to jelly.

Seconds stretch into minutes, each one longer than the last. It felt like I'm trapped, no way out, nowhere to hide from this wave of terror that's crashing over me. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't—

And then, just as suddenly as it started, it began to ebb. My heart slowed down, the pressure in my chest loosened, and air flowed back into my lungs, though it felt like I was breathing through broken glass. I'm still trembling, but the storm is passing, leaving me drained, exhausted, and hollow.

As my vision started to clear, I saw the person whose voice i was hearing. It was my sister, Disha. She was looking at me with alarm and concern.

"You're okay, Diya. You're okay. I'm here." She reassured me.

I then begin sobbing, overwhelmed. I wrap my arms around her neck, hugging her tightly.

I felt weak.

I felt scared.

I was feeling everything.

Everything at once.

It's so strange because one minute you are as calm as the sea on a windless day and the next minute, you are raging as the sea during a storm.

Wild and untamable.

***