Just Sh*t: A New York City Story

Chapter 39: The Loafer Funeral

Jamie had recently splurged on a new pair of shoes—Sketchers loafers that were so incredibly ugly, they seemed to defy all fashion sense. While the rest of the boys sported stylish kicks, from Nike Dunks to sleek Jordans like Jackson's, Jamie's footwear was an eyesore in comparison. It didn't take long for the others to decide that they couldn't let Jamie commit fashion suicide like this.

The following day, as Jamie returned home, he was greeted by an unexpected scene. In one corner of the apartment, as Jamie came in, the boys stood, each dressed in black suits as if attending a funeral, holding a massive sign that read, "The Shoes Need to Go. It's for Your Own Good." Jamie stopped in his tracks, a mix of amusement and confusion washing over him.

"What the hell is this?" he laughed, raising an eyebrow.

One by one, the boys stepped forward, ready to present their case. Ryan was the first to speak, gesturing dramatically at the shoes. "Jamie, they're like walking fashion disasters! You're better than this! You can't just go around looking like a middle-aged dad on vacation!"

Judah chimed in, nodding seriously. "They have no support! You're going to end up with bad knees or something. Plus, think of the social ramifications. You'll be ridiculed!"

Jackson, arms crossed and smirking, added, "And come on, you know you'll never get a girl in those things. Women want someone who takes care of themselves, and those shoes are a cry for help!"

Jamie listened, trying to justify his choice. "But they're comfortable! And they have great arch support! Plus, they're unique! Who wants to be just another guy in Nikes?"

The boys exchanged glances, unimpressed. "Jamie, comfort doesn't trump style here. We care about you, man!" Alex said, his tone earnest.

After much back-and-forth, it was decided that Jamie's shoes would face a more permanent fate. They organized a small ceremony in Central Park, where the group had prepared a fire pit. As they stood around it, the boys dramatically tossed Jamie's shoes into the flames, watching as they burned to a crisp.

"Rest in peace, you ugly loafers," Judah said solemnly, raising an imaginary glass in toast. They all chuckled, the mood lightening as they found humor in the ridiculousness of the situation.

Once the shoes were reduced to ashes, the boys suggested they grab a bite to eat. But Jamie lingered by the fire, holding a single flower he had picked up nearby. With a small, contemplative smile, he let it drop onto the smoldering shoes, a mock tribute.

Suddenly, a police officer approached, eyeing Jamie curiously. "What are you doing there?"

Caught off guard, Jamie panicked and bolted away, yelling, "Nothing! Just... uh, a fashion statement!"

As he sprinted to catch up with the others, they all burst into laughter, the earlier absurdity fading into the background as they headed off for a much-needed meal together.