Rocket Queen

chapter eleven -- stacy

Axl and I sit side by side on the beach, gazing out at the ocean and the night sky studded with the pinprick light of the stars. His arms around me feel so warm and comforting, and I can almost feel myself drifting into sleep. We spent the last hour or so walking up and down the shore hand in hand, straining our eyes as we searched for colorful shards of glass softened by the salt water of the waves. We didn't find anything – it's too dark and we're too wasted – but it was still fun, and it felt good to lose myself in the activity. There are some things that always make me feel like a kid again, things that bring me joy in a way that I often think is impossible.

Our shoes are discarded, lying abandoned next to us, and our toes are covered in sand. The wind is still blowing around us but it doesn't feel cold at all. Florida in March is just as warm as Wisconsin in July as it turns out. I laugh a little at the thought.

"What's so funny?" Axl asks, turning to look at me with a small smirk on his face.

"I was just thinking about how cold it would be if we were in the Midwest right now," I giggle. "I bet Eau Claire still has snow."

He chuckles a little, holding me closer to him in the dark. "Yeah, I'm sure it's still pretty chilly in Indiana, too."

I gaze up at him, studying his face. Holy fuck he's handsome. "Do you ever think about it?" I ask, my voice low. "Home, I mean?"

He takes a breath before answering. "Sometimes," he replies, his eyes glued to the horizon. "But I left for a reason. And I know you did too."

His stunning green eyes meet mine again, and I know what he means. I can't stop the tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks, blinking hard to keep them at bay. "I know," my voice is shaky as I speak. "And I'll never go back. But I miss it sometimes...the good things, that is."

Axl leans in, pressing a kiss to my cheek. "Tell me about the good things," he whispers, his lips brushing against my face.

I smile, my heart melting a little at his affection. "I miss the snow...I miss singing in church on Sunday...I miss my mom...I miss seeing the wildflowers bloom in spring...I miss the leaves changing...I miss swimming in the lake in the summer..."

"Those all sound lovely," Axl says, holding me close. "I'm sorry you had to leave all that behind."

I shrug, trying not to let the wave of sadness washing through me pull me under. "It's ok," I say. "I found new things to love. Like dancing, and going to shows and parties, and touring. I really love touring."

Axl grins. "Yeah I like you touring with us too," he says. "These past few months have been...the best days of my life, I think. Don't tell the guys I said that, I don't want them thinking I'm getting soft."

I giggle, thinking how funny that is. Axl is honestly one of the sweetest people I've ever met – all the guys are, really – but you'd never know it. All of the boys hide behind tough exteriors, acting like nothing affects them and that they're hard-as-nails, heavy-metal rockers through and through, but the truth is that they're all sweethearts. Even as he says this, Axl is holding me close with his face nestled in my neck, his lips pressing tiny, featherlight kisses onto my skin.

"Part of me doesn't want it to end," he admits.

"What do you mean?" I say, a smile tugging at my lips. "You wanna keep sleeping on top of Izzy in the back of the van and living off of Jack Daniels?"

Axl laughs. "No, I mean," he pauses for a second, staring out at the ocean. "I love performing and I love getting to play our music, and what if this tour is the end of it? What if nothing else good happens?"

"Ax, baby, you just got signed by Geffen fucking Records," I remind him. "This is only the beginning."

He shakes his head, his jaw clenching ever so slightly. "Nothing's in writing yet, and in this industry nothing is ever certain."