COTE: The Best Version of Me

Chapter 4 - Relationships

The walls were immaculate, completely white, without the slightest imperfection. There were no colors, only a cold, sterile light that spread throughout the room, making the place almost clinical. I was just a cog that would serve only as a future statistic. I had already understood the weight of that silence, the absence of any human warmth. I sat at a long table, next to other children, all with expressionless expressions. No one spoke; no one even moved without purpose. Everything there had a purpose. Every breath, every look. There was no room for weakness, for hesitation. I knew that. Here, emotions were a luxury we could not afford.

My hands were folded on the table, my posture rigid. Even at such a young age, my gaze was blank, almost sharp. There was no doubt or confusion. There was only the present, and it was pure calculation. The instructor's words echoed in the room without any vibration of emotion. Everything was cold, methodical, functional.

"Variables must be eliminated. Uncertainties are not tolerable. Everything is measurable."

I listened, but not because I wanted to learn. I listened because it was expected. In that place, in the White Room, we were tools in the making. Our minds were shaped like machines, calibrated to be efficient, precise, devoid of any emotional bias.

I remember looking around at the others. Children like me, all with the same blank eyes. Some were trembling, silent. Others were still trying to cling to fragments of humanity, but they knew, as I did, that doing so would make them targets of weakness. And weakness was not forgiven here.

One day, I saw a girl next to me hesitate. Her hands trembled slightly as she tried to answer a question the instructor had asked. Her lips parted, but the answer did not come. I watched her coldly, without a trace of empathy. She was failing, and in that environment, failure was unacceptable. The instructor watched her for a second too long, and that second was enough for her to break down. Tears began to well up in her eyes, silently, and the only thing that occurred to me was how useless it was. Tears would not solve the problem. Emotions had no place here.

The memory faded as quickly as it had come, and suddenly I was back in the classroom, with the sun shining softly through the windows and the murmur of conversation all around me. The difference between the two environments struck me with unexpected force. Here, there was color. There was natural light, not this cold, calculated lighting. The voices, the soft laughter, the sound of chairs scraping together, everything seemed to vibrate with a life I had not known for so long. "Why did this memory appear in my mind?"

Well, to think that I would be in a completely different place like this... no matter how much time passes, it's always comforting to open your eyes and your first sight isn't pure white.

I couldn't help but smile when I saw the new environment I'm in now.

The gentle breeze coming through the window beside me was almost mesmerizing. It gently caressed my face, while the wind carried with it the fresh scent of the morning. My eyelids closed for a moment, savoring that simple but deeply pleasant sensation. The view outside, a panorama of the school's perfectly manicured gardens, offered a rest for my eyes after all the hustle and bustle of the presentations.

The class continued, the teacher's words blending with the soft sound of the wind and the distant chirping of the birds. But in that moment, all of that became just a distant background sound, as if time were slowing down around me. I could feel the tranquility enveloping me, a silent contrast to the hustle and bustle that had taken over the class earlier.