COTE: The Best Version of Me

Chapter 14 - Distorted Facades

The room was quiet, but there was a slight tension in the air, as if each word spoken by a student resonated more deeply than usual. The discussion about the reflective report continued, with more and more students talking a little about themselves, and those who didn't talk much only asking for a few tips on what to do tomorrow. I was playing the role of observer and letting the others take the lead in the conversation. Now the conversation flowed naturally among the students, with each one talking about themselves in a sincere way.

"I wrote in my report that I consider myself to be a very cheerful and somewhat noisy person, but I also wrote about the lack of a specific strength or skill and that I am generally a very average student. I also think that I am seen that way, so I wrote that too."

This time it was Satou who commented. I personally agree with her description and I can see that, despite her nervousness before, she managed to be quite honest and also had no problem communicating openly. I could see some positive nods towards her, as if most people also shared the same thoughts.

As they exchanged words, raising their hands one after the other, I remained silent, listening intently. But with each comment, my mind sank deeper into the idea of ​​self-evaluation. 

The concept of expressing oneself honestly and, above all, recognizing oneself, was not something simple. Recognizing oneself was an infinitely more complex task than most people imagined. 

Often, people believe they know themselves but this is only a superficial layer of understanding. The true depth of who we are is buried under layers of illusions, fears and expectations that society, our friends and even ourselves place on us.

I thought about how the reflective test touched on this very point.

It wasn't just about describing our characteristics or abilities, but about questioning ourselves. Questions like "Who am I really?" or "What do others think I am?" are questions that could shake the psyche of anyone who is mentally unprepared. The answers could align, or they could clash drastically, revealing a chasm between self-image and external perception.

But I also couldn't help but think how contradictory this is.

But to what extent did this really reflect who someone was? To what extent were these masks part of the person, and to what extent were they armor that people put on to deal with others?

I couldn't help but look at Kushida once more as that thought circled my mind. It was her turn to speak.

"W-Well, I put it that I consider myself a very sociable person and I'm always willing to help the people around me. I really enjoy meeting new people and I consider myself someone who can easily adapt to the environment. But I also recognize that always trying to remain imparcial and never taking a more active attitude can be seen as a weakness."

Kushida, on the surface, seemed like exactly the kind of person anyone would want to be or be around. Her personality was like a web, skillfully woven to attract and envelop, so that everyone around him would fall under the spell of her friendliness. Yet, despite all this vibrant and friendly image, I knew that beneath it was a much more complex, perhaps even disturbing, reality. And that is precisely what made her self-examination so interesting to me.

In the reflective test, the question was supposedly about recognizing ourselves, evaluating who we are and how we present ourselves to others. But how would someone like Kushida, who wore such an elaborate mask, deal with this? Is what she wrote in her report really valid? And more importantly, to what extent does her self-assessment match reality?