𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒

𝐈𝐕. the guilt of the damned

From the time he had been taken in by Tamara ever since that faithful day, having connections here in the world Jujutsu was very important if you want to stay alive. He understood that the day Tamara told her everything the big three households in the Jujutsu society; The Kamo, The Zen'in and the family where the annoyance known as Shinobu had come from, The Gojo. As far as he knows about Tamara, she is a first-grade sorcerer meaning she is pretty strong and pretty well-known.

However, despite that she is still being looked down upon there are only a few female sorcerers that survived this society without constantly getting mansplained and everything else that has a sprinkle of misogyny in it. She was offered an arrange marriage within the Zen'in family and Tamara accepts it without hesitation, the decision made Y/n frown but he can't do anything about it. From what he heard during the time he was in that household when Tamara was summoned there, she's going to marry some Zen'in family member that was anything but special.

Honestly, he was glad that she got a miracle of a man from that damned household.

"Do I really have to be here?" Y/n asked from where he was sitting. "You know how I feel about this family, Miss Tamara. I don't like these assholes."

Tamara sighs, she was wearing a kimono that most women in the Zen'in family commonly wears. "I know, kiddo but you have to be here, my wedding's going to be in a few weeks and soon, we're going to live here now whether we like it or not."

Y/n frowned. "Well, at least they let you marry one of the better ones than the assholes."

Tamara laughs at that. "Yeah, you're right about that."

A comfortable silence engulfed between the two of them. It had only been a few years since he had been with Tamara but Y/n felt that she was already family to him. She isn't exactly a maternal figure as one would say but she had done more than enough to prove that she is a person that one can rely on.

"Hey, Miss Tamara." Y/n calls to her.

Tamara answered with a hum. "Yeah?"

"How did you know my dad?" Y/n asked and Tamara stiffened upon hearing that. "I-If that is okay with you..." he added to at least release some pressure on her end.

"Your dad..." Tamara repeated, her eyes suddenly went downcast and in them, he could see that there was a sense of guilt and longing. He waited for a few moments patiently until she released a shaky breath from her lips. "After I tell you everything, you can tell me if you want to leave all of this behind and forget about it, okay?"

Y/n tentatively nodded. "Okay..."

Tamara sighed. "Your dad, Jin, he was... a lot like you. Not as temperamental or moody like you but... he was a good man. He hardly ever told anyone off and was the nicest person you'll ever met."

Y/n listened to her story, interested. "Me and Jin go way back, we were practically inseperable." Tamara smiled as a fleeting memory flashed through her head. "We would do things together as if we can't do it without each other. I was always there for him just as he did for me but..." her eyes then went down to her lap.

Y/n didn't speak, his eyebrows furrowed in worry and curiosity as he patiently waited for her to continue. "One day, we had a fight and all of a sudden, we grew apart so fast." She mumbles. "As if we had never known that we existed to begin with and I will always blame myself because of it."

As the memories from before flashed inside her head. "I always thought if maybe... I had just apologized... No, if I had just understood him back then... He would probably still be here." She looked at her palm as a memory of where it was covered in blood, His blood, flashed in her mind. "And maybe, things would have stayed the same as it was... we would have been fine."

Y/n looked at her with sadness. "If I had just let go of everything back then... he wouldn't got himself in that situation..." A memory of her hugging his dead body crossed her mind. "If I had just arrived a minute early that day... I could have prevented everything but at the end of the day, I was the one who brought his death to him... If I just have done things differently perhaps, I could sleep a little better at night." A memory of her standing in front of his dead body in the morgue was the last thing that crossed her mind.

"Miss Tamara..." Y/n softly calls her name.

Tamara looks at him and smiled sadly. "I know calling myself the cause of your dad's death is too much but... if I had just let go of my damn pride and selfishness." Tamara grips her lap of her kimono, tightly. "Jin would have been alive... If I was there, he wouldn't be with that bitch." She seethed.

"You mean mom?" Y/n asked.

"Yeah." Tamara answered. "He wouldn't be in that twisted game of that bitch... I could have prevented everything." That faithful night had replayed itself inside her head.

"Any last words, you fucker?" A younger version of Tamara demanded as she grasped the woman's neck with her cursed technique, Golden Puppet.

The woman with short black hair laughs in amusement as if her anger was nothing but a mere clown's show to her. "Even if you had successfully killed me, it would never change anything." She told Tamara. "You've already lost everything though it's quite interesting... you broke his heart yet his soul still yearns for you earnestly even if I was there for him. He still ached and longed for your presence; his heart sealed off just for you. Truly, an amusing sight to watch him cry for your name every night he was with me."

Y/n gulped and hesitantly asked. "Did you also have killed my mom?"

"Yeah." Tamara answered. "At least, I hoped I have killed her."

Y/n nodded. "Miss Tamara, I am my mother's child as I am my father's..." he mumbled, "Don't you hate me because of it?"

"I did hate you." Tamara replied, "I despise your existence as well as Yuji's. It was a constant reminder of the regret that I will have to bear for the rest of my life; a regret that will forever haunt me no matter where I go."

Y/n's eyes widened when he heard her next words. "But I couldn't have myself to forever despise you and Yuji's existence... How can I hate you two when you just look exactly like him... Everything that you two do constantly reminded me of him and... I thought that maybe if I look after you two then I could perhaps slowly forgive myself..." she told him. "I know it's selfish of me to use you just to make myself feel better but do I have any other choice?"

"Miss Tamara," Y/n gently grabbed her hand, "I may not know anything about my father just like you do but I know that he had long have forgiven you."

Tamara looked at him with guilt. "Y/n, I'm so sorry that you and Yuji lost your father because of me."

"Please, don't apologize, Miss Tamara." Y/n assured her. "Dad will never blame you for everything that happened."

"Miss Tamara." A servant called from outside of their room. "Master, requests your presence in regards of your wedding."

"Alright, tell him I will be there." Tamara answered as she stood up and look at Y/n. "I'll be right back, kiddo." She told him as she made her way to the door.

"Okay." Y/n replied. "Take care, mom."

Tamara froze when she heard him call her 'mom'. Her heart clenched as she steeled herself from spilling the tears. She took a deep breath and left the room as Y/n watched her leave, he sat back down on the floor and repeats everything what Tamara had told him about his father.

(a/n: this ain't a jjk fic if there is no one dying or someone's love of their life being dead or dying in which case that is Jin Itadori being Tamara's love of her life dying in front of her and in her arms)