SKELETOON REVIEW [CLOSE]

STILL YOU

Hi, CalysLee; this is Skeletoon again. I would like to kindly remind you that while I have a sincere passion for reading, I must acknowledge that I am not professionally trained or exceptionally gifted in writing. However, I am committed to offering my honest opinions and insights. It is important to note that my suggestions are based solely on my perspective and understanding. I recognize that I may overlook certain flaws or fail to meet your expectations. Ultimately, the decision to heed my advice rests entirely with you.

TITLE
I'll admit, your title isn't flashy or over-the-top-it's pretty straightforward like it's saying, 'What you see is what you get.' It might not be the kind that grabs attention or makes you go, 'Wow,' but weirdly enough, it still hits me in a personal way. It's like those peaceful misty mornings when the clouds settle quietly on the ground-not trying to impress, but still beautiful in their own way. I don't know, maybe it's because it reminds me of the simple titles from the old books I loved as a kid, back when things didn't need to be flashy to feel special. And that's a compliment.

BLURB
You have a knack for making things simple. Your story indeed provides that a reader needs to look forward to your story, but it was too simple that somehow it shows no impact or effect at all. Yes, there is already a hint of their [Eira and Radd] narrative, but as both your reader and your critic, I find the construction of the blurb falls short. I will dissect it a little bit. Here are some issues that I noticed.

1. Lack of Originality.
The premise of a celebrity disrupting the protagonist's life is a well-worn trope in romance fiction. As it stands, the blurb doesn't offer much that sets it apart, making it feel predictable. To stand out, it could use a more distinctive hook. For example, grounding the story in a vivid, specific setting could provide a stronger sense of place and atmosphere. Additionally, the relationship dynamic between the protagonist and Radd needs more complexity-straying from the familiar trope of a straightforward celebrity romance would help.

2. Vague Conflict.
While the blurb hints at a past with Radd Cordova, it doesn't present the stakes or conflict that would hold the reader's attention. What makes their relationship impossible? What are the real obstacles keeping them apart? The lack of specificity dilutes the tension. Consider subtly highlighting a more defined conflict-perhaps their past relationship ended painfully, and the core of the story is whether they can reignite something that was always doomed. This would give the blurb more emotional depth and intrigue.

3. Flat Emotion.
The emotional stakes feel underdeveloped. Phrases like "turned my world upside down" and "rekindle an old flame" are overused and fail to evoke any real emotional impact. Stronger, more specific language would add emotional weight to the characters' relationship, making their connection feel more significant and layered.

4. Inconsistent Tone.
The tone of the blurb wavers between fate-driven inevitability ("fate had other plans") and resigned detachment ("it would be impossible for us to be together"). This inconsistency weakens the overall impact. Is this a story about fighting against fate or accepting tragic inevitability? A more cohesive tone, focusing on the tension between past wounds and unresolved feelings, would add intensity without swinging between extremes.

5. Overly Passive Protagonist.
The protagonist comes across as more reactive than proactive. Phrases like "prepared to avoid him" and "fate had other plans" suggest a lack of agency, which can make her feel less compelling. To create a more dynamic character, consider showcasing her inner conflict more clearly. Rather than passively avoiding him, she could be actively grappling with unresolved emotions, making her struggle more relatable and engaging.

SUGGESTED BLURB [This is optional]

I thought my life was simple, predictable even, until Radd Cordova, the nation's biggest star, arrived in the quiet hills of Baguio and turned everything upside down. His fame was a whirlwind, but his unexpected presence felt deeply personal, stirring memories I'd buried long ago. I swore to keep my distance, yet destiny, it seemed, had other ideas. Our paths kept crossing, rekindling a flame neither of us believed could burn again. But with fame and secrets pulling us in different directions, can we truly defy the odds-or is our love destined to remain out of reach?"

PLOT AND SETTINGS
The story of Eira and Radd carries a nostalgic heaviness, particularly in its exploration of Eira's struggle with her father's expectations and the resulting depression, and Radd's attempt to adapt to a foreign life while caring for his sick mother. Their eventual separation and the end of their relationship hit the emotional mark. However, I found the moment when Eira breaks up with Radd to be forced and rushed. The transition feels abrupt-Eira running away from home due to her father, coincidentally bumping into Radd, and then immediately deciding to end their relationship. While her emotions and the pressure from her father were clear, the breakup lacked the depth and buildup needed for such a pivotal moment.

Similarly, the cliché misunderstanding where Eira overhears, 'I came back for revenge,' felt out of place. Eira's sudden shift to happiness and her willingness to be with Radd again was fine, but their reconciliation, which consumed much of the story, loses its impact with the sudden and somewhat contrived, misunderstanding. Though Radd's POV, reflecting on his pain, suffering, and desire for revenge, was a nice touch, it felt expected rather than surprising.

I also want to highlight a few moments: Radd's decision to follow Sagada made sense, and Caleb's protectiveness toward Eira was beautifully executed. Yet, the scene where Eira drunkenly confesses her love, mistaking Radd for a dream, felt off. Their final reconciliation at Marlboro Hills, while visually poignant, was weakened by the rushed and dramatic conclusion. The story starts with strength but ends on a dramatically weaker note. It has the potential to be much more impactful with smoother transitions and more careful pacing

WRITING STYLE & TECHNICALITIES
I commend the start of the narrative. You've improved. The writing style of this story was way better than the So, It's You. However, So, It's You transitions are smoother and better than this book. Regarding the technicalities, there were a few errors, but it was tolerable.

STRENGTH AND WEAKNESS
The main weaknesses of your story lie in its plot development and transitions. While the beginning was strong and engaging, the shifts in the narrative, especially between different scenes or timeframes, felt abrupt and could benefit from a smoother flow. The emotional rollercoaster you intended was there, but the execution felt uneven, with certain cuts and transitions lacking cohesion. Additionally, the resolution of the conflicts seemed rushed, making it feel somewhat forced rather than organically developed.

That said, I want to emphasize that despite these shortcomings, your writing style is exceptional. It was the strength of your prose that kept me engaged throughout the book. Your voice has a captivating quality, and it's a pleasure to read. With some improvements in structure and pacing, this story has the potential to be even more compelling.

Skeletoon note:
Dear CalysLee, thank you for patiently waiting. I hope this feedback will reach you with an open mind and great manner and I hope this will also help you improve your writing. I apologise too for the delay. I read the entire chapter not only the first five chapters that's why it took me sometime.