My Dearest Darling

Chapter 61

"Do you think we should have warned them? Maybe called or sent a telegram?" Harold asked nervously, without turning to look at either of them.

Cora had not moved in a while, had only kept staring out into the distance just like he was, waiting for the cars to appear, and she was beginning to feel the chill in her bones and joints.

Her voice came out flat and so very quiet that the cloud of breath coming from her mouth in the winter chill caught Robert's attention more than her words did when she replied: "No, it would not have changed a thing if we had. And now they are almost here, so there is no point in dwelling on it."

Her husband did not say anything to that, he was rather at a loss for words anyway. The past few days, he had felt trapped in an awful daze he could not seem to shake out of, no matter how hard he tried. It was as if he were sleepwalking everywhere, day in and day out, locked inside his own body and mind, unable to snap awake. He wanted to interact with the others, wanted to talk to them. Desperately. But he rarely got any words out at all. The one thought ricocheting in his mind was Why now?

"There!" Harold's arm shot up, pointing to something Robert could barely make out even through squinted eyes at the far end of the drive. But slowly, the cars that Harold had seen slipped into focus for him as well. The looming sense of dread that had been following him already only increased and he shifted his weight from one leg to the other and back again.

Until her hand grabbed his.

She was cold, colder than he thought she would be. They had not been standing outside for too long given the constant fall of sleet and the sometimes quite harsh winds, certainly not long enough for her hands to get this cold. But the sudden frigid sensation when his skin came into contact with hers called him back to reality. Slowly, Robert turned to look at her standing next to him just when she had turned her head to him as well.

Fear. Dread. Despair. It was all there in her eyes. And then he knew that she had not only taken his hand to stop his shifting and shuffling on the spot, but to calm herself as well. The storm raging in him had not spared her, either. He should have known, he should have thought of that. Of course, this would be no different for her than it was for him; or actually even worse. But he had been too focused on himself this entire time while she had needed him. It was always the same and he never learnt from his mistakes, it seemed.

He tried his best to encourage her by giving her hand a gentle squeeze and granting her a small smile. Those had become increasingly rare ever since they had arrived a fortnight ago. She closed her eyes and heaved a deep breath, only to stand more upright once more and look out ahead. It still amazed him how quickly she always managed to compose and steel herself again; he admired her for it, he always had.

And then the cars came to a halt a few feet away from them, the doors opening almost instantly as people started to disembark. It was all a flurry of coats and hats and calling out names and checking whether everyone had arrived. A truly confusing muddle, but eventually they seemed to have made it.

"Uncle Harold! Mama, Papa!" Mary exclaimed, the first of the big bunch to climb the few steps leading up to the house and going in to greet their small welcoming committee one by one. The others quickly followed suit, first Edith and Bertie and then Tom and Lucy, followed by their grandchildren. Robert had been looking forward to seeing them all again, and soon at that. He had missed them more than he'd care to admit and had been looking forward to showing them more of the place their grandmother came from. But given the current circumstances, he would have preferred had they stayed at home. This was not what he had wanted. Not at all. And Cora felt the same, she had said as much the night before they went to bed.

"How is everyone?" Bertie asked, his usual quite cheerful self, right as Robert was greeting Sybbie with a hug, who had patiently waited for all her younger cousins to greet him first.