𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚞𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 📸

The morning after...

A/N sorry it's been a while since I've posted I've had a lot of school and home stuff on and just haven't had time to write 💀 my friend kept asking for a new chapter so here you go lmao, I'll try post a bit more regularly! - jam :)

⚠️ TW! Mentions of eating disorders, drug use and anxiety in this chapter. ⚠️

—ASTRAS POV—
(Aged 18, the next morning)

It's the next morning and I am woken up early by the blinding beams of sunlight bleeding through my curtains. 'Jesus Christ' I think as my head begins to pound. 'What the fuck happened yesterday...?' While practically crawling out of my bed I noticed I'm still in the same clothes as yesterday, the first thing that comes to mind is the possibility me and ivy went out drinking or something after school, but after looking in the mirror I was proven very wrong, "damnnnnn" i loudly gasped upon seeing myself, my once perfect makeup was now smudged all over my face, my lips smeared and mascara standing out and running down my pale cheeks in a familiar streaky pattern, it's obvious I had been crying.

'Welp there goes my reputation' at least yesterday was only the introduction day, i have this morning to redeem myself. It's currently 6:30am so i don't need to leave for over an hour, plenty of time to get ready. I force myself to rip my gaze away from the fragile figure in the mirror so i can go get ready. tiredly, i walk over to the bathroom and start wiping off my makeup the moment i get near the tap, As finish up and begin brushing my teeth the constant thought of what the fuck actually happened yesterday clogs my mind, but there's no time to dwell on the past, even if you don't know what happened in the past. I soon find myself in the same situation as yesterday, 'what the hell do i wear?!' I get thats not the most important thing in the world to be deciding but for my first ACTUAL day of uni, I need to look good.

Seven shirts and four pair of jeans later and i finally chose the perfect outfit, wanting to be both stylish but yet cozy i went with a plain white button down shirt, topped with a blue and green striped sweater and my new navy jeans. It's still quite nice out so i decided not to grab a coat, probably not the best idea knowing the Tennessee weather but oh well. To finish up the outfit I of course grabbed my headphones along with some simple sliver Jewellery and my favourite doc martens.

After the long process of getting ready I still had enough time to get breakfast and relax a bit before leaving to meet Ivy. It's early so My grandma isn't up yet, leaving just me and my thoughts alone. I sat down at the island counter with a peanut butter bagel and some orange juice, as I began to eat thoughts started to flood my mind, but when i tried to push them away the just got louder, and louder and louder until it became unbearable, 'what if you dont like your Major?what if nobody talks to you? What if your friends leave you again? What if you end up all alone again?' . Anxiety creeped up my spin, leaving a cold chill in its path, the once flavourful food in my mouth quickly lost its flavour and was replaced by the feeling of sickness. 'I cant do this...'

not even a minute later I find myself on the bathroom floor, bent over the toilet being sick. Stress has taken a hold of my body, forcing the contents of my stomach out into the bowl below, leaving me with bitter taste of bile and a trembling frame. After what seemed like an eternity of pain I finally stopped, not because i felt better but because there was physically nothing left to get rid of. I look round the room to see if there's anything to get rid of the constant feeling of nausea when my eyes catch a glimpse of the brightly coloured bottle balanced on the corner of the sink. My anxiety meds. I haven't needed them for a while, no unless i get... flashbacks, but the weekly prescription i have makes them consistently available.

Without a second thought i grab the bottle and instantly swallow an unknown amount of the ashy white pills, i know they aren't good for me, but the temporary feeling of euphoria and numbness is all worth the risk. In the matter of a few minutes I'm left with that addictive feeling, I'm left as a shell of a human on the bathroom floor. My fraudulent feeling of nothingness are interrupted by my stupid fucking phone alarm, its loud buzzing bringing me swiftly back to reality. Turns out I've been sat on the cold bathroom floor for 20 minutes, so i have about 10 minutes until I'm meant to meet Ivy. I haul myself up using the sink as support, all that vomiting left me pretty fatigued. On my way out the door i grab the lunch my grandma made me and shoved it in my bag along with my laptops and some note books, after all I actually have to work today, effort.

The walk to school was the same as always, I went down the familiar route through the local park, taking in the autumn setting as i walked. But today something felt...different? Like i was being watched. I tried to brush off the feeling by putting on my headphones, but as i kept walking the feeling didn't go away, it felt as if someone's gaze was being burned into the back of my head... I'm already on edge from the mornings events so not wanting another situation i picked up an pace. With each shaky step i took, the feeling got stronger.

It's a windy day so the atmosphere was already eerie with the decaying trees swaying in the wind, 'hell no am i doing this, not today.' I thought as i made the split second decision to confronting whatever was watching me, but as i turned around i realised there was nobody there, the whole park was empty with not a soul to be seen, it was just me. 'Am i going crazy or... am i just high. Probably just my meds...' after putting my mind a little bit at ease I continued my walk. A couple miles later i saw ivy, she was stood in-front of the small corner shop we usually meet at, in her hands she held a very large coffee and a few bags of sweets, 'I swear this girl cant go a day without visiting the sweets isle' . Ivy's a very... confident person, she will hold her own no matter what so it was no surprise that she was positioned directly in the walk way, forcing people to go around her, as she waited her eyes we're constantly darting around as if she was looking for something, soon her eyes beaming blue eyes locked onto mine she began practically running over to me, I guess that something she was looking for was me.

"Heyyyyy ivy" I said in a seemingly happy tone to try distract her from the anxious painting my face. "What happened, why are you so pale? You look like a bloody ghost." She hastily replied. 'Well, plan failed, time to mess with her' I was the first thing that came to mind while i was trying to think of a response. "Morning astra, how are you today? Im good ivy what about you..." I say in a mocking tone. She instantly shot me a fierce scowl, safe to say she didn't find my humour very funny- "come on astra you can tell me anything..." she began but i cut her off with a simple "I promise I'm fine" and a soft, very fake smile.

I think she took that as a "i don't want to talk about it and instead of responding just responded with a slight nod and a smile. As we walked there wasn't much conversation to be had, occasionally Ivy would mention her new boyfriend and how excited she was for school but i didn't really have much to say in response, i don't know if it was me or the meds but i just didn't feel like talking. Well that was until a thought popped into my head, "hey ivy... what happened yesterday?" I hesitantly asked while still walking. After a few moments of silence I looked up to see ivy a few meters behind me, frozen in place with a concerned look plastered on her face. "Y-you seriously don't remember-?" She managed to stutter out before stooping again, i slowly shake my head in response. Upon seeing this her expression shifts to a look of...empathy? 'Shit.'

"Listen, I'll tell you but you have to promise not to freak out or worry about it, okay?" Ivy states as she begins to start walking again. "Alright..." I cautiously agree. "So erm... long story short, do you remember when we first met you told me about the... you know... accident, and all the song stuff? Well when I left to you and went to go see my boyfriend and his parents, when I came back you were kinda sat in the corner erm- crying and listening to that song again. And then after a while you just... passed out." After hearing what happened I just froze, so many thoughts invaded my mind along with brief memories of the situation.

'I was in a big crowd... everything was to much- so I-I left and put some music on. That stupid fucking song.' I was so caught up processing what happened that day that I completely forgot that ivy was the one who stayed with me. Ivy was the one who made sure I was alright. "Ivy- I'm so, so, so sorry that I ruined your first day... I'm sorry it's all my fault-" I started as my eyes began to fill with tears. "Astra, please don't apologize. It's not your fault at all, you shouldn't have had to experience that at such a Young age, your my best friend I will always help you" ivy cut in. She is truly a good friend. By the time that conversation was over and every detail was addressed we had finally made it to the university, once again I was hypnotized by the beauty of the campus. Upon entry we are greeted by the majestic, vibe wrapped doors, it reminds me of a medieval castle. Unfortunately because of the whole explanation thing we were late so I didn't have time to dwell on the beauty. We walked down the same hallways as on introduction day towards the main hall, new students from schools across the country were all gathered, anticipating the arrival of the headmaster. This is it, my first day of university...