𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚞𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 📸

First day of uni (part 2)

A/N Sorry the chapter got to long for one part :)

⚠️ TW! Mentions of eating disorders ⚠️

—ASTRAS POV—
(Aged 18, a few moments later)

Walking into history was different to psychology, this time i wasn't 20 minutes late so actually secured myself a seat dead in the middle of the the lecture hall. Unlike Mr muller, this teacher was more dull, I mean fitting to the subject I guess. History is only a hour block today so there wasn't to much time to go into details about anything, so the professor "warmed us up" to the subject by explaining the story behind each of Henry VIII's wives. Very intriguing if you ask me, the tudors have always been one of my favorite eras to study. History went very fast, which was kinda good as the professors dull mood was Starting to get to me. Once history was finished it was lunch time, I won't lie I still wasn't feeling great from this morning so lunch will be... interesting. Don't get me wrong Ivy is my BEST FRIEND, but I haven't told her everything about my life, of course she knows about all the major things like the... accident, but she doesn't know about some of the more personal stuff, my eating issues being one of them.

Similarly to at break me, Ivy and now Luca all met up at resources at the start of lunch, we have an hour to eat and just relax for a bit so came to the conclusion that we need a good place to sit, a place to call ours. We spent the first 10 minutes of break chatting and roaming the halls in search of somewhere to claim. Eventually, we came across a nearly deserted lounge, it's was on the newer section of the campus so not many people were around besides a few other people in the same year as us. It was perfect. We were close enough to the canteen that we literally only had to walk down the hall, and there was even a set of bathrooms outside of the double doors. The lounge itself was a welcoming place, the decor was minimalist but yet had its own unique twist, and the walls were lined with bookshelves, paintings and even some TVs.
Not wanting to be in the center of everything our trio positioned ourselves near the walls in the corner of the lounge, we chose a small collection of pastel colored sofas and chairs with a small table in the middle to call our own.

After settling in both Ivy and Luca took out there lunches and started snacking as they talked, not wanting to draw any attention to myself I did the same, minus the eating part. I've dealt with this destructive disorder for years now so I know my tricks, whenever someone would look over at me I would slowly move the food closer to my mouth as if I was about to take a bite, but as soon as their eyes turned away I would immediately drop the food away from my face, even the scent was for the food sickening, that's not something I want to deal with.

As time passed both members of the couple finished their food, leaving just their wrappers and my untouched food on the table. Ivy quickly took notice of this, "are you not going to have any lunch?" She asked in her usual tone, but there was a hint of something unusual, a hint of concern in her voice. "Nah not hungry I'll have it later, how were your guys lessons?" I ask trying to divert the attention away from me. "Astra. Please, eat. You look pale it will do you some good" Ivy said ignoring my diversion. "Fine." I mutter in response as both her and Luca stare at me, waiting for me to actually take a bit of the sandwich in-front of me. I've always thought ivys had her suspicions about me and my eating, I mean I've never had a good relationship with food in my life, but still I have to get her to lay off, so I reach out and pick up the sandwich with a shaky hand, 'why the fuck am I scared of two pieces of bread and some cheese? Come in Astra you can do this.' I tell myself while hesitantly taking a bite. The food in my mouth taste of both nothingness and everything at the same time, it's a nauseating feeling but I have to keep going For Ivy.

I make it about half way down my sandwich when the feeling get to much; I quickly excuse myself, binning the sandwich as I walk out the lounge, Luckily the bathrooms aren't to far away from where we are sat. The moment I get into a stall I fall to my knees, my body was already fragile enough from this morning threatening to give in, but I got a sudden burst of energy as I puked up my 'lunch'. The sensation was euphoric, a wave of relief washed over me as I watched the contents of my stomach drip out into the toilet. But all good things have to come to an end, my euphoric felling was only temporary bringing me crashing back into reality as soon as it wore off. 'fuck fuck fuck, what the hell was that?!?' I thought as panic set in, at this point I can barely move, to the point I'm unable to pick my boney body off of the floor. Not wanting to waste any more of my non existent energy, I just gave up, letting myself stay on the ground and catch my breath as the weight in my chest increases. I don't want to have another panic attack. Not today. so I just stay there, praying that the feeling of heaviness in my chest goes away. I don't exactly know how long I spent on that germ filled floor, but that didn't matter, all that mattered to me is the fact I can't give away my illness. Ivy can't know, she will care to way much. 'I can't put that responsibility on her'