Email #5: New Fortress Location: Mango Tree

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Journal Entry

10/12/2024

I never thought that I’ll be picking up this journal again. A new entry after 2 years, huh? Nakakatawa na nakakairita. I thought everything's okay na after going through that, but I guess never na yatang magiging okay.

Kailan ba magiging “normal” ‘tong mata ko na ‘to? I never wished to see those monsters. Is this really an ability? Haha if so, then bakit ko nafi-feel every. single. day. na cursed ako?

Now I can't sleep. I can't study properly. Turns out that fucking smiling lady really is a ghost or whatever. I don't care what they're called. Pare-parehas lang naman sila sa paningin ko. They're all monsters who always bother me. Haha and those freaking kapres! I HATE THOSE MONSTERS SO MUCH. Tangina hindi naman ako ang naunang manggulo! SILA NAMAN ANG NAUNA. ALL I FUCKING WANT IS TO HAVE A PEACEFUL LIFE. Making a fortress at the Mango tree sa harap mismo ng room ko??? Really????? Ano ‘to, joke time? It's not funny. Nasigawan ako ng prof kanina dahil lang sa panggugulo ng mga halimaw na ‘yon? Haha is this a joke? A dream? Why? Again? Why me, again? So balik ulit sa ganito? Para saan pa? So wala ulit akong kapayapaan, trial lang pala ‘yon? Hahahahahahahaha

I had that. For two fucking years. And it's back again. Everything feels like a dream. Parang nanaginip lang ako na naging mapayapa ang buhay ko sa loob ng dalawang taon tapos nagising ulit ako sa reyalidad na ‘to. Putangina. I just want to live in peace so bad. 

Is that an impossible wish? Hindi talaga maibibigay ‘yon? Okay. Fine. Fuck this life. Fine! 

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