Stories that I get from ToolBaz

Red vs Blue Reacts to the 'abused and neglected male readers' trope

Setting: Inside the war-torn corridors of the Blood Gulch outpost, the Red and Blue teams take a rare break from their usual antics to discuss something that’s been bothering them. Sarge, Tucker, and Caboose are all gathered around a makeshift table with a laptop open, scrolling through Wattpad stories.

Sarge: (leaning over the laptop) What in the world is this garbage? "Abused and Neglected Male Reader"? This crap is too edgy for its own good!

Tucker: (scrolling through) Seriously! I mean, I get the whole “troubled youth” thing, but how many times does someone need to get left behind by their dad to be interesting?

Caboose: (confused) I thought all the stories were about fighting alien creatures. Why is there no fighting?

Sarge: There’s supposed to be more than just brooding! I mean, come on! These guys are all living in a pity party 24/7 like they just discovered the concept of feelings!

Tucker: Right? And don’t even get me started on some of these character decisions. “Oh, I’m so sad, let me go cry in the rain.” Really? So edgy, it's practically slicing through my eyes.

Caboose: (raising his hand) I cry in the rain! Wait, no, that’s different! (He looks confused.)

Tucker: It’s okay, Caboose. We’re talking about fictional characters and their way-too-dramatic lives. You crying in the rain is basically your whole thing.

Sarge: (nodding) Exactly. And if they’re so “abused,” why are they moping around when they could be training or fighting back? It's like they think brooding makes them deep instead of just... sad.

Tucker: (laughs) I mean, cry all you want, but at least pick up a weapon and do something productive while you’re at it! Maybe that’ll make them feel better faster.

Caboose: (thoughtful) What if instead of crying, they had a cool robot that helped them fight? Like a sad robot friend!

Sarge: (chuckles) Now that's what I’m talking about! Robots solve everything!

Tucker: (sighs) But I guess that wouldn’t fit the whole “tragic life” narrative. It’s all about the angst, you know?

Caboose: (excitedly) I could be a robot! I’m really good at following orders!

Sarge: (grinning) Yeah, I can see the pitch now: “Sad Robot Caboose saves the day while everyone else is out crying.”

Tucker: (snorts) Instant classic! We'll title it “Robots Don't Cry,” but we’re still making that sad robot cry.

Caboose: (genuinely upset) But… then I won’t be able to help anyone! My tears would short-circuit the robot!

Sarge: (smirking) That’s the spirit, Caboose! Fight the angst with the power of friendship—or at least friendship with a robot!

Tucker: (snickering) Okay, we promise not to make you cry in the rain. Just try to keep it together when we’re on missions.

Caboose: (enthusiastic) I will! And the robot will help!

Sarge: Only if it can fight too! Now, let’s get back to making fun of these stories before I lose my mind!

Tucker: Agreed. Someone needs to shut down this cringe-fest before it spirals out of control.

(They all lean over the laptop, laughing and shaking their heads at the overly dramatic stories, united in their shared disdain for the “abused and neglected” trope, inadvertently bonding over their ridiculous banter.)

End Scene