Being a Colton.

033.

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THE PRESENT.

FREDERICK's POV.
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The first time I entered my home with Irene was two weeks after I kicked my mom out of my hospital. Irene was still not awake and I was tired of what happened.

My baby was going to come out of the incubator in a month but my wife was still not awake. I wondered what had happened and I hoped she would wake up soon.

The house was neat as always, I could smell her everywhere. My heavy heart ached, and tears fell down my eyes. Life was difficult without Irene, knowing that all of these things could have been preventable if Francesca had not joined Sophia to destroy my life.

I had been moving like a zombie throughout the entire two and the half months that Irene was in a coma. Francis and Mitchelle were going back to Nigeria soon. Raymond, Kate, and Maria were visiting as much as they could but I still felt lonely. We barely discussed anything and I understood their reasoning. Irene suffered so much blacklash for something she didn't even do.

I walked into my bedroom, everything was beautiful, and things were like they always were.

I took a quick shower to help her, I was cleaning my body when I noticed something on the nightstand next to her. Out of curiosity, I walked toward it and pulled it. I opened the large journal and noticed it was Irene's diary.

I flipped the pages and I noticed that there were tear stains on the book, she had been crying. She had been writing so much of late.

Today, I thought of what I could have done to prevent everything that happened but I don't know. I just wanted to help my husband's friend and it has come to bite me in the back. Frederick truly hates me, he thinks I betrayed him and it is so heartbreaking to see.

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My mom thinks I did it too! Everyone thinks I did it! Everyone is nasty to me! My life is ruined and I don't even know why! Why am I paying for something I didn't even know about? Why am I paying emotionally, and financially for something I had no nothing about? I told myself I would live my life without caring but I had no tears left to cry. I feel so unlovable! I just wish I could kill myself!

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Ray is dead... this is extremely disheartening. He was going to help me find the truth. He was going to make sure we knew what happened that night! He didn't deserve this! I cannot give up even though everything is bleak! I must find out the truth for myself! For Raymond who died without getting justice.

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I am exhausted, I just want to leave this world! Leave it all alone! I tried to kill myself today but I couldn't do it! I am scared! I am scared that the world will see me as a sinner forever! Nobody will ever find out the truth and just like Raymond, there will be no justice for me.

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I just want to remember! Why is it so hard to remember what happened that night? Raymond would never do something like this! He will never take advantage of me! How did I end up in bed with him?! Could I really have done it?! Could I really have betrayed Frederick's trust?!

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I don't know what happened last night but Frederick came back home. He came back to me but he is gone again. Like I imagined it like he was never here. I want to cry!  I want to scream out in frustration! Why was he hurting me so much? Why was he so unreachable? I cannot blame him though! Your wife destroys your family and your relationship with your best friend who will want to see her?!

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My mom is still not picking up my calls. I tried to call her again but it seemed like she does't want to talk to me or ever see me. What have I done to deserve all of this?! Did I do something in my past life to warrant all of this pain?! Frederick is in New York but I have not seen him in months. I have no family anymore, even my friends are going through emotional turmoil, who do I turn to in these difficult times?!