Being a Colton.

026.

PS: I am trying to write the five chapters as fast as I can so that we can move to the PRESENT. I wished that it went as fast as possible. Thank you for your support.

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THE PAST.

Irene's POV.
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Tears streamed down my eyes. Frederick pulled me into his arms. Why was this happening to me? I haven't done anything to anyone so why was God punishing me?! Why would God put you through this excruciating pain?

Why give me the opportunity for a child and then take it away from me?!

I was in the palate when I started feeling excruciating pain, it was like a really bad cramp and I couldn't control myself, I started crying. The instructors helped me out of there but I was already bleeding, badly.

The instructors called Raymond, who called Frederick. Frederick came as soon as he could but it was already late, my baby was gone. I couldn't even stop it.

The doctor ruled it a miscarriage and tried to explain to us that it happened sometimes but it didn't matter, I didn't care, I just wanted my baby. I didn't want it to accept it.

It was difficult to move on, the grief was too much for me, for Frederick. I felt like I was sinking like nobody could save me. It was paraded on the internet that I lost my baby and they started with the rumors again.

Maybe it was because of all the drugs I was doing, maybe because of all the alcohol I was taking while pregnant. I felt so low like I was sinking. Like nobody could help me, like nobody could save me. Frederick helped me as much as he could. No one could understand me, no one knew what I was going through mentally.

My mom tried to call me to cheer me up but it was so bad, it was so painful. I wished I could just stop crying, and stop grieving the pain of a missed opportunity. A missed opportunity of being a mother, to have a child I could hold.

Why did God give me the opportunity if he knew he didn't want me to have it? Why did he put it within reach and yank it out of my grip? It was like a mockery, it was like God was mocking me. I sometimes wondered if it would have been better if I wasn't pregnant at all so that I would not have hoped.

Mitchelle and my mother's friends visited me as much as they could, they tried to help me but it felt like nothing was me. I woke up every day feeling like I couldn't do it. Frederick began to get increasingly worried, he tried to help me but I didn't think he would.

Raymond called me one day and suggested yoga and pilates again. I was terrified of going back because of the trauma, he suggested that I just do yoga at home. He discussed it with Frederick, who found me an instructor. It was helpful and I was getting out of the depression and I started going out again. It wasn't easy and I got tired easily but I was getting out of it.

I decided to start a culture of solo dating to help me with writing and enjoying my company. I loved Frederick but I felt somewhat suffocated. He was trying to help but I didn't think he was doing what he thought he was. He cooked, made sure everything was clean, offered to fly me out to anywhere I wanted, and bought me another car, and another diamond necklace. He added to my collection of beautiful expensive jewelry.

I started writing a few years ago, Frederick helped me with pushing it out and publishing my stories.

I was in a small restaurant one October evening when I noticed someone I knew enter the restaurant. Raymond, what was he doing here? Another person followed him, which was very weird. The restaurant was small, I and one other person were the only ones there. I was at hearing shot but I was in a booth and my back was to them, I could see them, but where I was they couldn't see me.

"Do you think I continue paying you?!" Raymond muttered harshly. He was angry which was rare.

"Fine, then everyone would know that you like dick too!" The man sneered harshly. My eyes widened. Wait! Ray was gay?!