A 26-Year-Old's Diary

Closing September, Welcoming October

September has been amazing, but something—as always—is on my mind. Now, it's about love.

You may have read the description—a 26-year-old girl who has never been in a relationship—but you know what's funny? Many of my coworkers in this company think I'm a player, just because I'm nice to everyone, even with the opposite sex. I was shocked because I'd never been in that situation before.

I have a crush on someone. He's the guy I've been dreaming of—except for his mood swings, which can be up and down. He's handsome in my eyes, has a great smile, and though he's brown-skinned, I don't mind. He knows how to dress, and takes care of himself—skincare, gym, eating right, you name it. He knows God, and I feel like he could guide me toward something better. But what's been on my mind lately is that he seems distant from me. At first, we were close. We loved taking random pictures together, but now... I don't know. I feel like he's creating distance between us, which makes me sad.

I don't know about other people, but I try to convey my feelings whenever I look into his eyes. I always try to make him feel like, "Oh, she's very attentive to me, oh, she's kind..." But there's been no progress. Or am I expecting too much?

I feel like he might actually have a crush on me, but maybe because I got that "player" title, or maybe he just doesn't like me? Am I just being too confident?

But anyway, this is what's been on my mind lately. When will I get the love I want? Every time I think I've found love, the guy distances himself from me. But when bad guys approach, they do so without hesitation, without shame.

I'm kind of afraid that something about me is attracting the wrong kind of attention. But I'm kind, I'm pretty, I know how to take care of myself, I have money, I can support myself. I'm independent and confident—an alpha—but lately, I've been trying to tone that down. I want the guy I like to see that I need HIM.

I still think my love life is a weird, attractive puzzle that only God knows how to solve and has the answer to.

Do you guys ever feel the same way?