Destiny or Coincidence (AlanxJeff) VI

Confession

Jeff 

I find myself captivated by the tenderness with which Alan tends to my wounds. The gentle touch of his hands on my knees, resting in his lap, is so careful that, for a moment, the pain ceases to exist. We sit together on his bed, dressed in pajamas, the atmosphere around us intimate and warm. The dim light of the room highlights his soft features as his eyes focus intently on each movement he makes while applying antiseptic. Despite the sting on my skin, his almost magical touch makes it bearable. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with that familiar scent of Alan, which envelops and calms me but also fills me with nerves. I know Alan is waiting for me to speak, to share what has weighed heavily on me for so long but has remained hidden.

"This is the moment," I think. If I want this to work, if I want a real chance with him, I must be honest. "Alan... I became an orphan at ten," I begin, feeling the words catch in my throat. It's not easy. He looks up for a second; his expression shifts, softening as if he understands how difficult this is for me to share. His warm, firm hand gently squeezes mine in support, giving me the courage to continue.

"My uncle Erin and my aunt Suay fought over my legal custody, and in the end, he was the one who won. But he never really cared for me. Sometimes he looked at me as if trying to remember who I was or why I was there. And when he did understand, it just didn't matter to him... I never truly mattered." As I speak, I can feel Alan's gaze fixed on me, his eyes conveying a mix of tenderness and pain as if reliving my story alongside me. I notice how his face changes slightly; his brow furrows as he hears what I've endured, yet despite everything, he remains close without letting go.

"It was at ten that I truly understood what it meant to be an omega. My uncle... had vices. He drank, gambled, and always brought omegas home. He treated them like objects, as if their only purpose was to please alphas. And I... I listened to it all. It terrified me. Sometimes I would escape to my aunt Suay's house, but he always ended up finding me, and then it became a problem." I pause, trying to calm the tremor in my voice. Alan grips my hand tighter as if saying I'm not alone in this; he's with me.

"Over time, I stopped escaping. I would lock myself in my room, put on headphones, and turn up the music just to drown out what was happening. I began to fear alphas... their touch, their looks, even their pheromones. I isolated myself. I couldn't stand them getting too close. And I was already a shy and reserved child; that only worsened when jealousy crept in... I became even more withdrawn."

Alan listens silently; he leans closer as if shortening the distance between us and though he says nothing, I can feel his support in the closeness of his presence.

"Everything changed when I met Kluer at university," I continue, knowing that now comes the hardest part. "He was my opposite: extroverted, cheerful, always surrounded by people. I found myself watching him, following him with my eyes until one day he noticed me. I couldn't believe it. We became boyfriends and at first everything seemed perfect. But... I couldn't handle him getting too close. We started having problems."

I recall feeling panic rise within me as memories flood back. "I tried everything... even went to a doctor thinking something was wrong with me." My voice trembles at the recollection.

Alan briefly looks away; his lips pressed into a thin line as if it pains him to hear this. Then he returns his gaze to me with a mix of sadness and affection while squeezing my hand tighter again... urging me to keep going.

"When Kluer suggested joining me in dealing with my jealousy, I panicked even more. I never told him; I just hid at my aunt's house instead. I tried being the best boyfriend possible but he began pressuring me more and more. He reminded me... of my uncle's omegas."

As we approach a year together, I decided to give Kluer a special gift—a trip to the beach—working hard to save up for it while also considering taking medication to let Kluer do whatever he wanted since Kluer had been so patient with me.