Crapola Convenience

Part 6: Roadtrip

Okay so, for some needed context, this story takes place during the beginning of a 3 month period in which I was haunted by this flamboyant cosmic entity called 'Cracklord' before Tall-Skinny did an exorcism on me (apparently he had beef with them or something? I don't know) anywho it was about 5 or 6 years into my employment when I went in for work one day and Doug shoved a box into my arms and told me 'some sucker' ordered a box of cotton candy soda 2-liters to be delivered to the next town over 6 hours away and I was being sent to deliver them with John, something about "I don't gotta pay him if you drive."

I knocked on the broom closet and asked Sparkplug if he wanted to go, he did, I gave him the box and told him to load it up in John's van. As I made my way to the van I sparkle caught my eye, (The sun reflecting off the glitter covered stripe on Cracklord's stupid shirt) "Fuck off." I said into the open air,

"Give me your body."

They responded, "No." I shot back as I sped up my walk and they matched pace, "Then it appears we're at an impasse, shame!" They flipped me off and slithered their way into the van through the window. I sat down in the driver's seat as John pulled a map from the glove box and buckled up in the passenger seat, I took a look back at Sparkplug sitting on the box spring mattress in the back, Cracklord was poking at his weird little cat ear and it kept twitching and flopping down in response until he reached up and scratched it, he gave me a thumbs up and I returned it, Cracklord also third wheeled onto our exchange while giving their signature annoying grin with their wrinkled forever closed eyes scrunched especially tight. We pulled out onto the open road and were on our way.

Driving John's van was surprisingly hard, I'm absolutely sure it's breaks are grinding metal to metal and you have to constantly turn left to go straight, about 3 hours in we had to stop at a gas station, we were actually all good on gas Sparkplug just had to pee, and John bought two large bags of snacks. Cracklord was kicking some ladies car while singing some musical theater garbage, I was really hoping they'd be too preoccupied to see us leaving but unfortunately they chased after and hopped back in the van, they spent most of the trip with their head out the window, their long brown to blond gradient rats nest flowing in the wind. Around hour 9 of the drive, the trip ended up taking an extra day because SOMEONE (John) was too high to properly give directions on the map, it was getting dark, not really wanting to drive this van at night I suggested we pull over for the night at a sandy little spot we were coming up on, my dad always used to take me camping at when I was little when he and mom were fighting. everyone seemed pretty happy with the idea so I took the next right and tumbled down the dirt road until we reached 'the clearing' a completely out of place sand pit in the middle of a field.

Sparkplug and I gathered up some dead grass and made a little fire, the three of us had a pretty good time chilling by the flame, John sang and Sparkplug talked about the lore of some video game, for the first time for a while I didn't see Cracklord in the corner of my eye all night. After a while Sparkplug went to bed and John wandered off to piss, after a little while of waiting for him to come back I decided to just head to bed, but when I turned around, Cracklord blocked my path.

"AGH!" I nearly fell backwards, "WOULD YOU PISS OFF DUDE!" I raised my voice more than I'd like, "Well that's awfully rude." They said as they tilted their head, they were perfectly still, no hyperactive theater kid energy, it was unnerving, "Pardon me? Rude?? Dude you've been both but an asshole for weeks. You want my body so damn badly you're gonna have to start treating me better! Don't forget you need me!" After I finished my rant they shifted from their right foot to their left, "You are mistaken. I don't need you. I need a body. Any body. I chose YOU out of pity for anyone else, you're the only one in VoidView with absolutely nothing of any importance to lose." They placed a hand on my shoulder, "But you're annoyingly stubborn, so how about I make the choice easy! 6 months to get your affairs in order, and then," they mimed a little walking man with their hand, "Exist stage left." They opened their eyes, I had never seen that before, they were bright blue pools I know felt like I was drowning in as their unblinking stare chilled my soul "Or! I take the half pint now." They cocked their head towards the van where Sparkplug slept. "It's up to you Erlchester!"

I stared into their eyes for a moment trying to catch myself, a million thoughts raced through my mind before I spoke, "6 months." I was sure, I was young but Sparkplug was younger, he had a whole life to live. "Oh, goodie goodie." Their eyes closed again slowly, and they were gone. "Yo dude!" I jumped at John's voice, he was sitting on top of the van watching the sun rise, wait, the sun was rising? How long was I talking to Cracklord? "C'mon over here," he continued, I walked over to him and he hoisted me up, as we watched the sky turn orange we didn't share words, it didn't feel like we needed to.

As I looked at the beautiful sky, I thought that if these would be my last 6 months on earth, I'd do better to enjoy it. Later, when we were getting on our way, as I drove I began to feel a cold hand on my shoulder, I could feel Cracklord's eyes burning a hole through the back of my head, they placed their other hand on my arm, "Now look at this, just one little jerk of your wrist and I win." They were at this point whispering in my ear, "But that wouldn't be fair would it? And why play if you don't follow the rules?" And I felt them slink back as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Erl?" Sparkplug's voice brought me back to reality, "Yeah lil homie?" I responded, "Are you doing okay? You've been a little.. weird recently." He asked, "Yeah man, everything is fine, just haven't been sleeping well I guess." I responded while trying to ignore Cracklord singing opera in the back, I took a glance at Sparkplug, from the look on his face he didn't really believe me, but he didn't say anything else about it.

When we finally made it to the dude's house, John and I walked the box up to his door and rang the bell, a fat man with a neck beard and coke bottle glasses, he thanked us profusely and tipped us both $20, as we turned around, BOOM! The house was a flaming inferno, the sound of explosion ringed in my ear, I looked at John, he was staring at me wide eyed, I could hear Cracklord hooping and hollering behind us, John took a deep breath in before saying "Walk away." We got in the van, and went back to the store, to our surprise nothing came of it, we were frankly expecting to be investigated but it's like it never happened. Anyway It's getting late, my pillow calls.