Fight or flight

Chapter eight

I hate myself.

Or I hate my body for not liking me. For three hours I have been laying in bed staring at the ceiling. It should have been easy. I have had a long day, walking around for hours tiring myself out. But no, that would be too easy.

I have been turning and turning trying to get comfortable but soreness has kept me awake. My eyes won't even stay closed at this point and I see no reason to stay in bed.

It's well past midnight as I sit up and look around in the dark room. A pill of cloth is the only new thing and it's Ran's. He cleared out some of his closet to put my things in that we bought today.

My eyes drift to the door where a small amount of light streams in. Muted sounds run through the wood door as I push myself up from the bed. I try to be quiet as I walk over to the door and open it slightly.

Ran is sitting alone on the sofa watching a movie. His hair is out of his braids and he looks to almost be asleep. The TV is on low so it wouldn't wake me or Rindou up.

Despite my mind protesting I start to walk towards him. The pair of sweatpants I'm wearing are too big and hang low while I'm wearing one of the tank tops we bought today too. It doesn't cover my scar entirely but just enough for it not to bother me too much.

"Couldn't sleep." Ran's voice is sleepy as he turns to look at me with his purple eyes. I stare blankly at him remembering why I'm out here.

"No," I answers and slowly walks around to sit down on the sofa too. Ran is almost sitting in the middle so it's not like I can sit far away from him.

"Don't sleep well?" I meet his eyes when I hear his question. "You said you were sleep deprived." It takes me a couple of seconds to remember I may have said that. But why does he remember? I shrug lightly and lean back.

"Sleep and I never really worked it out after I started to live on the street. Though it has only gotten worse lately." I fidget with the end of my top and turn my attention to whatever movie he was watching. It's not something I know so I'm quick to lose interest.

I hear Ran sigh before shifting in his seat. Then before I can react he reaches for me and pulls me down gently till my head is laying in his lap. I tense up and start to pull myself back when he holds me down.

"Just relax, then you should be able to sleep," he says and lazily starts to run a hand through my hair. At first it sends shivers down my spine because of the unfamiliar feeling but I quickly start to relax. He gently pats my head a few times and tucks me a bit farther up to settle me more.

I still don't dare to move as he continues playing with my hair. My legs are tucked up so I can fit in the sofa and my arms are laying stiffly in front of my chest. His lap is almost soft to lay on but all I can hear is my racing heart. I'm glad that it is dark or else he would have been able to see my bright red face.

Ran doesn't say more just keeps on nuzzling my hair and I start to feel a calmness rush over me. It's like my body knows that it can relax and I feel my lips fall into a daze. My eyes shuffle shut and all I focus on is his long finger running through my hair and the sensation it creates. Before I know it I start to drift off into sleep. And the last thing I hear before giving myself totally up to the dark is his soft voice murmuring: "See that wasn't so hard."

Ran's pov - 3.pov:

She's completely knocked out cold and has been for the last hour. The only sound is her soft breathing and when she moves a bit around. Her hair is scattered across Ran's lap and he hasn't stopped nuzzling it since she fell asleep. She seems to like it or atleast has a faint smile on her lips.

And for some reason can't he stop himself from smiling back. Her lips pursed and her eyelids fluttering, she's almost unrecognizable. Calmness has grabbed her features and the constant state of uncertainty is gone.

Seeing her sleep relaxes him more than it should have. And that is what sends a chill up his back. He knows that he has gotten too close to her but he can't help it. She's so easy to like even though she thinks differently.

"Why are you doing this to me darling," he mumbles as he reaches forward to grab a blanket. The soft fabric cradles her and she tucks in deeper, nuzzling her head farther into his lap. Ran curses at himself and adjusts on the sofa once more. Her slim figure can easily fit on the sofa but she still has to have her legs pulled up towards herself.

Ran reminds himself to make sure she eats more because he has noticed that she has slowed down. Every time they eat she stops before getting full and it always makes his eyebrows furrow.

But now she looks so at peace like nothing is bothering her. It's probably the first good sleep she has had in a while, if maybe not years. He has not looked into her room but he has heard her pace back and forth some nights when he was awake. There was even once where he was very close to go up and knock on the door, but he stopped right before knuckles met wood because he heard her sink into the bed.

Ran continues to gently pet her on her head feeling his eyes close slowly too. It's very late and you can't say that he has been sleeping well either for the last couple of days. Mildly said Ran misses his bed but there is no way that he is gonna take it from Tanji. So instead he lean back on the sofa and rest his head on the not so soft cushion behind him and closes his eyes. Within minutes he also falls asleep with his hand caught in her hair and their two breaths get tangled into one.

3. pov:

Rindou woke up with a mild headache and way to little sleep. He had heard voices and sounds in the middle of the night and thought it was his brother mumbling to himself until he heard a female voice. That is when Rin decided not to disturb them.

Now hours later and the first thing he sees when he steps out of his room makes him smile crookedly.

Ran's head is resting on the back cushion on the sofa. He fast asleep and doesn't even notice Rin creeping closer. That is when Rin sees the female figure lying on Ran's lap. Rindou has to stifle his laughs as he looks from his brother who is completely out cold to the girl that looks the same. She is curled up and Ran has a hand rested on her head. A blanket covers most of her body and Rin's eyes widen when he sees that it is his favorite one.

"Oh you did not." He is about to reach for it when a dark voice interrupts him.

"Don't you dare." He turns to meet Ran's eyes that are now open. They still look sleepy but there is a sharpness in them that Rin doesn't want to cross.

He takes a step back before smiling wickedly again. "Look at you two lovebirds all cuddled up." Ran's face doesn't soften but just gets more grumpy. "Hey man, chill out. I'm not gonna take her from you or anything." He holds his hands up and takes a few more steps back.

Ran opens his mouth to say something when the girl starts to move. His words drown and he turns his gaze to her placing a hand on her head again. Then he gently lifts her up enough so that he can move. Rin watches as he takes her up in his arms and carries her still sleeping figure past him and into Ran's room. The door doesn't close entirely so he can see when Ran puts her down on the bed and covers her in the blanket once again.

Rin frowns thinking about taking his blanket back when he locks eyes with Ran again. Something tells him that he shouldn't do that so instead he walks over to the kitchen to grab some food.

The door into Ran's room closes and Ran comes walking over to the counter with a troubled look on his face. Worried Rin looks at him as it is something he so rarely sees. Ran never shows his emotion, only when they are too much for him to handle.

"Wanna talk about it?" Rin tries but Ran doesn't as much as shake his head.

They sit in silence and eat their breakfast, the silence only growing more and more uncomfortable. Rin finally breaks and slams his spoon into the counter.

"Ran...?" He looks to him but Ran only has his eyes on the table before him.

"Why couldn't it just be easy. Why does she have to make it so hard?" Ran's voice sends shivers down Rin's back but he doesn't have an answer.

Because for once he doesn't know what his brother means and he is too afraid of what the answer might be to ask.