Queen of the Pirates

Dealing with Nightmares

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I shoot up in bed with a scream already leaving my mouth, my body covered in a cold sweat, and my heart pounding in my ears. The nightmare quickly fading away, but seconds ago it felt so real.

It's been about a month since I've come to stay in Amazon Lily, and I've been having an excellent time training. The weeks are filled with Sandersonia and Marigold teaching me Observation Haki, which I'm well on my way to mastering. They're hoping it will only take six months for both Observation and then Armament Haki. Then the weekends are when I go to the blacksmiths to learn all about what they can teach me, help with making anything and everything, and start to come up with ideas to enhance the shurikens and daggers I use. The blacksmiths don't work all day, so with my free time I train with Marguerite with my shurikens and daggers to keep my skill sharp and learn more moves.

It's not all training though. I eat breakfast and dinner with Marguerite every day, so we've become really good friends over this last month by talking about anything and everything. She's also the one that shows me around the city when we have time, and I'm still getting swarmed by ladies that have numerous questions. I know that it won't last, so I try to enjoy when I'm asked such random and strange questions. Then for lunch, I eat with Sandersonia and Marigold and we talk about anything but our trauma. It's hard to believe that they are the sisters of Hancock with how they treat me, but I'm sure being in good standings with Rayleigh and Luffy were helpful. It's clear they have walls up to keep themselves safe, and I don't blame them for what they had to go through.

As for the nightmares, they started to occur regularly after a couple nights, and now they are just something that I have to deal with again. I've done a lot of different things that I think will help: Curling up tighter in my blankets, thinking about Luffy before I go to sleep, drinking a calming tea before I head to bed, and actively avoiding thinking about the piece of shit that made a big chunk of my life miserable. Nothing seems to be working, so I just deal with it each night that it happens, hoping that I get enough sleep. Normally though, it is clear that I am tired the next day, so I try to avoid explaining why I didn't sleep well the night before. However, tonight is the first night that I have woken myself up with a scream, which means I can't hide it from Marguerite any longer.

"Akari!?" Marguerite exclaims as she rushes into my room. She's holding an orb lantern that lights up the entire room with a soft light, and I can see the terror on her face. "What's going on!? Are you okay!?"

I'm heavily breathing with tears streaking down my cheeks and I can't stop feeling like I'm in danger. Still, I know that the longer I go without answering, the more nervous Marguerite will become. "I'm...I'm not...okay," I choke out.

"What's wrong?" she rushes into the room, taking a seat on the edge of my bed. "What can I do to help?"

I awkwardly chuckle, brining my hands together when I notice them shaking. "It's nothing that you can fix, Marguerite. It's something that I've been dealing with for years, and I haven't come across anything that can fix it," I sigh. "I've been having nightmares for many years, and the only thing that I've found that can keep them away is sleeping next to Luffy, and obviously, I can't do that for the next two years."

"Oh, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was hoping that I could power through them without anyone's help. I was hoping that I didn't scream myself away. I was hoping that I could be strong enough to stop them from happening. I've been doing a pretty good job of the first two until tonight."

"Are they about what happened to Ace?"

I quickly inhale, feeling my heart clench. "Sometimes, but his death isn't what caused them to begin. They've just made them worse. I guess I should tell you know that I have something called post-traumatic stress disorder. The doctor of the Straw Hats gave me that diagnosis after a moment when I couldn't even move due to a screaming match between Luffy and another crewmate. It was a trigger that sent me into shock, and I just had to wait until my body could function again. It helped understand why I have been having nightmares since the mental and emotional abuse that I sustained from the man who raised me."