When Hearts Find Home

CHAPTER 16: BROKEN HEARTS AND WORDS UNSPOKEN

The first thing Lisa felt when she opened her eyes was a dull, numbing pain radiating from her abdomen. Her body felt heavy, and her mind was foggy as she blinked against the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital room. For a split second, she thought she might still be dreaming — or perhaps, that she'd finally gotten what she wished for.

But no.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor beside her and the clinical smell of antiseptics quickly brought reality crashing back down on her. She wasn't dead. She was still alive, still tethered to this world that seemed determined to crush her spirit again and again.

A bitter disappointment welled up inside her chest. Why couldn't it have just ended that night? she thought, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back the tears. Why am I still here, still suffering?

Slowly, she opened her eyes again, letting her gaze wander around the room. It was then that she noticed a figure sitting on a chair by the window — head bowed low, hands clasped tightly together as if in prayer. Even with the blurriness clouding her vision, Lisa knew that silhouette. 

She knew the curve of those shoulders, the dark cascade of hair falling over a familiar face.

Jennie.

The sight of her made Lisa's heart clench painfully. She had to blink several times to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. What was Jennie doing here? Why would she — Almost as if sensing that she was being watched, Jennie's head snapped up, and their eyes met. Lisa's breath hitched. Jennie's eyes were swollen and bloodshot, rimmed with dark circles that hinted at a night spent sleepless and full of tears. A small, hesitant smile appeared on Jennie's lips as she stood and approached the bed cautiously, like she was afraid any sudden movement might startle Lisa. 

"Lisa..." Jennie's voice was a hoarse whisper, choked with emotion. She cleared her throat and tried again, a bit louder this time. "You're awake..."

Lisa's gaze hardened, and she turned her head away, staring blankly at the wall. She didn't have the strength to deal with this. Not now, not ever. The person who had shattered her heart into a million irreparable pieces was standing right there, looking at her with eyes filled with something that looked far too much like regret and longing. It was almost enough to make her laugh. 

Almost.

Jennie bit her lower lip, the sight of Lisa's rejection sending a fresh wave of pain coursing through her. But she couldn't give up. Not now. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to speak again. 

"Lisa, please... just listen to me," Jennie begged softly, her voice trembling. "I know you hate me. I know I've hurt you more than anyone else ever could, but... I'm so, so sorry."

Lisa's eyes remained fixed on the blank white wall, her jaw clenched tightly. The silence between them was suffocating, a wall that Jennie couldn't seem to break through no matter how hard she tried.

 "Please, I — I never wanted any of this to happen. I was stupid, I was selfish, but I swear... I swear I love you. I've loved you since the moment I realized how much you cared about me, even when I didn't deserve it. I love you so much, Lisa. I just... I need you to know that."

Her voice broke on the last word, tears streaming freely down her cheeks. She wanted so desperately to reach out, to hold Lisa's hand and beg her to believe her. But she didn't dare touch her — not when Lisa's entire body seemed to scream stay away. 

Lisa's chest tightened painfully at Jennie's words. Love? How dare she speak of love after everything she'd done? After using her, lying to her, breaking her into someone she could barely recognize anymore? It was a cruel joke — a mockery of everything Lisa had once cherished. 

But the pain in Jennie's voice... The sincerity in her eyes... It made Lisa's resolve falter, just a fraction. She hated that she was still affected by Jennie's tears, by the way she seemed so utterly broken and remorseful. No. She couldn't let herself be swayed. She couldn't trust Jennie's words anymore. Not after all the lies, the manipulation... slowly, Lisa turned her head to look at Jennie, her eyes cold and devoid of the warmth they once held. "You say you love me," she whispered, her voice low and strained. "But what does that even mean anymore, Jennie? You've said it before. You said it so many times..." 

Jennie's breath hitched, and she took a small, hesitant step closer. "I — I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't understand my feelings back then. I was... I was afraid. Afraid of losing you, afraid of what Nancy would do —" 

"Don't say her name," Lisa interrupted sharply, a flash of anger sparking in her eyes. "Don't you dare bring her into this. This is between you and me, Jennie. No one else." Jennie nodded quickly, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Okay. Okay, I won't. But... please, believe me. Everything I'm saying now is the truth. I love you, Lisa. And I'll do anything — anything — to make it up to you. Just... don't shut me out. Please." 

The desperation in Jennie's voice was almost too much to bear. Lisa closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry, not to give in. But she could feel her resolve crumbling bit by bit. She was exhausted — so utterly exhausted from carrying all this pain, from pretending she didn't care. 

But she did care. She cared too much. And that was the problem.

"I don't know if I can ever believe you again," Lisa whispered, her voice breaking on the last word. She opened her eyes, staring up at the ceiling as if searching for an answer that didn't exist. "You... You broke me, Jennie. You broke me in ways I didn't even know I could break. And now, I don't know if I'll ever be whole again."

 Jennie's sobs filled the room, her shoulders shaking violently. "I'm so sorry," she cried, clutching her chest as if it hurt to even breathe. "I'm so, so sorry..."

The sound of Jennie's anguish pierced through the air, but Lisa remained silent. She didn't know what to say, what to feel anymore. All she knew was that the pain was still there, raw and bleeding, refusing to heal no matter how many tears were shed.

 The door to the room creaked open, and Jisoo peeked inside, her eyes widening slightly at the sight before her. Rosie was right behind her, both of them exchanging a worried glance.

"Jennie?" Jisoo called softly, stepping inside. "Maybe you should... give Lisa some space for now." Jennie shook her head stubbornly, her eyes never leaving Lisa's face. "No. I can't leave her, Jisoo. I... I need to be here. I need her to know how much I —" 

"Jennie, please," Rosie interjected gently, walking over and placing a hand on Jennie's arm. "We understand how you feel, but you're only making things harder for her right now."

 Lisa's gaze flickered toward Rosie, then to Jisoo, who was watching her with a mixture of sympathy and protectiveness. Her best friend looked like she wanted to throw Jennie out of the room, but she was holding back for Lisa's sake.

"Just go, Jennie," Lisa muttered, her voice barely audible. "I can't... I can't deal with this right now." Jennie's heart shattered at the quiet dismissal, but she nodded slowly, wiping at her tears one last time. "Okay. I'll... I'll leave." She took a shaky step back, glancing at Lisa one more time before turning to walk towards the door.

 "I'm not giving up on you," Jennie whispered fiercely, her voice trembling with determination as she paused by the doorway. "No matter what it takes, I'll prove that I love you. Even if it's the last thing I do."

With that, she left, the door clicking shut behind her.

Silence filled the room once more, broken only by the sound of Lisa's ragged breathing. Jisoo and Rosie exchanged a worried glance before walking over to her bedside, each taking one of her hands. 

"We're here for you, Lisa," Jisoo murmured softly. "Whatever you need, we're not going anywhere."

Rosie nodded in agreement, squeezing Lisa's hand gently. "Take your time, okay? You don't have to face this alone." 

Lisa stared at them, at the genuine concern and love in their eyes, and for the first time in what felt like forever, a small flicker of warmth spread through her chest. She wasn't alone. Not completely. 

But even so, the emptiness inside her remained. And she didn't know if it would ever go away.