Embers of Hope// Hyunlix

Chapter - 18

Hyunjin shifted his gaze to the ceiling, lost in thought. Felix had been different lately. Gentle, careful, always making an effort to reassure him. The soft touches, the words of comfort. Felix was helping him, trying to help him heal. He knew that. He could see it in the way Felix looked at him, with a tenderness that Hyunjin wasn't sure he deserved. And that was the problem.

What if this didn't last? What if, one day, Felix grew tired again? It had happened before. Felix had loved him once, as friends of course, or at least Hyunjin had thought he did. And then everything shattered.

The memory of Felix's coldness, the way he had pushed him away, haunted him. Hyunjin's heart twisted painfully. He had endured so much—more than he could ever imagine surviving again. If Felix ever turned his back on him like that again... he wouldn't survive it. He had already lost too much of himself. He couldn't take in any more pain. Not from Felix.

Hyunjin's thoughts spiraled, his chest tightening with the weight of his fear. What if Felix only felt obligated to care for him? What if it was just guilt driving his actions? He didn't think he could bear seeing Felix look at him with disgust again, knowing that Felix's heart wasn't truly with him.

The uncertainty gnawed at him, making him doubt every small gesture of kindness Felix had shown in recent days. Each touch, no matter how gentle, made his heart race—not just from the sensation of Felix's skin on his, but from the overwhelming fear that one day, those touches would stop.

Hyunjin closed his eyes, trying to push the thoughts away, but they lingered. What if history repeated itself? What if Felix hated him again?

A soft rustle beside him brought him out of his thoughts. Felix stirred, his hand brushing against Hyunjin's arm as he shifted in his sleep. Instinctively, Hyunjin's body tensed, but then the blush crept up his cheeks. It was ridiculous—how even after everything, Felix's touch still had this effect on him.

Hyunjin bit his lip, feeling conflicted. The blush was something he hated and loved all at once. And Felix... Felix seemed to love it too. He always smiled whenever Hyunjin blushed, as though he found it endearing.

Maybe things were different now. Maybe Felix had changed. But the fear... it wouldn't go away.

He turned his head to look at Felix, studying his peaceful expression. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope. But for now, Hyunjin couldn't let himself believe in it fully. Not yet. The scars ran too deep, and he wasn't sure they could ever truly heal.

A few days had passed, and Hyunjin found himself staring out the window, his mind wandering as the familiar sense of dread crept in. He had taken a week off work, needing time to recover, not just physically but emotionally as well. The incident still weighed heavily on him, and the thought of returning to the office—the place where it happened—terrified him.

Felix had been patient, never pushing him to talk about it, but Hyunjin could feel the unspoken concern in his eyes every time he looked at him. It was as if Felix was waiting, watching, for the moment Hyunjin might break again. He didn't want to burden Felix with his pain, but hiding it wasn't easy either.

The rapist had been fired immediately after the incident, and while that gave Hyunjin a small sense of justice, it didn't erase the fear he felt every time he thought about stepping foot back in the building. Would the others look at him differently? Did they know? What if someone blamed him, whispered behind his back? The thought made him feel sick.

Felix had offered to stay home with him, but Hyunjin insisted he didn't need that. Felix had his own work to attend to, and Hyunjin didn't want to appear weak. He already felt like a burden. So, Felix went to work as usual, leaving Hyunjin alone in the quiet house. The emptiness seemed to echo his fears, amplifying the anxiety that had been festering inside him.

Sitting on the couch, Hyunjin stared at his phone. The week was nearly over. He knew he couldn't avoid going back to work forever. A part of him missed it—missed the routine, missed feeling normal. But the other part of him recoiled at the thought of returning to that place.

What if something happened again? What if no one believed him next time?

Hyunjin closed his eyes, feeling his heartbeat quicken. He had gone through so much already, and this felt like just another test. How much more could he handle before he broke completely?

The door opened softly, and Hyunjin's eyes snapped open. Felix walked in, his expression soft but concerned.

"Hey," Felix said gently, as he approached Hyunjin. "How are you feeling?"

Hyunjin didn't answer immediately, his eyes drifting down to his lap. Felix sat beside him on the couch, leaving a respectful distance between them. Even now, Felix was cautious about touching him without warning. Hyunjin appreciated that, even though a part of him missed the way Felix used to hold him without hesitation.

"I... I don't know if I can go back," Hyunjin finally whispered, his voice barely audible. His fingers nervously fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "To work, I mean."

Felix sighed softly, his eyes filled with understanding. "You don't have to rush, Hyunjin. Take all the time you need."

Hyunjin swallowed hard. "But I can't keep hiding forever. People will start asking questions. They'll wonder why I'm not there."

Felix leaned forward slightly, his voice steady. "Let them wonder. Your well-being is more important than what anyone else thinks."

Hyunjin bit his lip, his chest tightening with emotion. Felix's words were comforting, but the fear still lingered, clinging to him like a shadow. What if Felix was just saying that to make him feel better? What if deep down, Felix was getting tired of his weakness?

He turned his head away, his voice trembling. "What if... what if it happens again? What if I'm not safe?"

Felix was silent for a moment, then he gently reached out, his hand resting just a breath away from Hyunjin's arm. "I won't let that happen," Felix said quietly, his voice filled with determination. "I promise you, Hyunjin, I'll protect you. No one is ever going to hurt you again."

Hyunjin's heart pounded in his chest, and despite the fear still swirling inside him, Felix's words gave him a small sense of comfort. He wanted to believe him—wanted to trust that Felix would keep him safe. But the scars from the past were still fresh, and it was hard to let go of the fear that something could break them apart again.

Hyunjin glanced at Felix, his throat tightening with emotion. He appreciated the efforts Felix was making to help him heal, but it was hard to silence the doubts in his mind. What if Felix couldn't handle it anymore? What if he got tired of constantly supporting him?

Felix's hand brushed lightly against Hyunjin's arm, and instantly, Hyunjin felt the familiar warmth flood his cheeks. He hated how easily Felix could make him blush, but at the same time, it was comforting in a way. That small touch made him feel connected to Felix, even when everything else felt like it was falling apart.

Felix smiled softly, noticing the blush on Hyunjin's face. "I love that," Felix said gently, his eyes softening.

Hyunjin's heart skipped a beat, the fear momentarily melting away in the warmth of Felix's gaze. But as much as he wanted to hold on to that moment, the uncertainty still loomed over him.

"I just... I don't want you to hate me again," Hyunjin whispered, his voice barely audible.

Felix's expression turned serious, his brows furrowing. "I could never hate you, Hyunjin. I was wrong before... but I'm not going to let that happen again."

Hyunjin swallowed hard, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. He wanted to believe Felix, but the fear of being hurt again was too strong. He didn't know how much longer he could hold on if Felix ever turned his back on him again.

But for now, he would try. For now, he would take comfort in Felix's presence, even if the future still scared him.