Embers of Hope// Hyunlix

Chapter - 23

Felix POV: 

I sat in my office, staring blankly at the papers on my desk. My mind wasn't focused on work today. It hadn't been for days. All I could think about was Hyunjin, and the look in his eyes the last time I saw him. The fear, the pain... it tore me apart. He had always been quiet, guarded, but this was different. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was deeply wrong.

A soft knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. "Come in," I called out, trying to sound composed.

Chan stepped inside, his expression a mix of concern and hesitation. 

"Felix," he began, closing the door behind him. "How's Hyunjin doing?"

The question caught me off guard. I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. How was Hyunjin doing? I didn't even know. He was barely speaking to me, and when he did, it was short, detached. As if he was trying to hold himself together by the thinnest thread.

"I... I don't know," I admitted, rubbing a hand over my face. "I haven't been able to get through to him."

Chan watched me for a moment before walking over and sitting down across from me. "You know why he's like this, right?"

I looked at him, frowning. "I know about the rape, Chan. That's why he's so scared, why he's—"

"It's not just that," Chan interrupted, his voice calm but firm. "Felix, there's more to it than what happened at his office."

I blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"

Chan sighed, leaning forward. "Hyunjin has been through a lot more than just the assault. He's been dealing with trauma long before that happened."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, feeling a pit form in my stomach.

Chan's eyes darkened slightly as he spoke. "His childhood. His parents. You know how they treated him, right?"

I shook my head, my confusion growing. "I knew they weren't great, but—"

"They were abusive, Felix," Chan said quietly. "Physically. Emotionally. Hyunjin used to take beatings to protect Jeongin. He never told anyone, not even you. He's been carrying this weight for years."

I stared at him, my mind reeling. Abusive? Hyunjin? Why hadn't I known? I had spent so much time with him during high school and even had spent our childhood together. I thought I knew everything about him, but this... this was something I had never imagined.

"He... he never said anything," I whispered, feeling a deep sense of guilt wash over me.

"Of course he didn't," Chan replied softly. "He didn't want anyone to know. He thought it would make him look weak, and he didn't want to burden you with his problems. But Felix, this is why he's so cautious now, why he flinches when people touch him. It's not just about the rape—it's everything. All of it is coming back to him."

My chest tightened painfully. How had I missed this? How had I been so blind?

"I should have known," I muttered, more to myself than to Chan. "I should have seen it."

"You couldn't have known, Felix," Chan said, his voice gentle. "Hyunjin's good at hiding his pain. He's been doing it his whole life."

I shook my head, my heart breaking piece by piece. "But I was with him every day in high school and even before that, Chan. I was his best friend. How could I not know? How could I not see it?"

Chan didn't say anything for a moment, letting my words hang in the air. Then, he sighed. "Look, Felix, you can't change the past. But you can be there for him now. He needs you more than ever."

I swallowed hard, the weight of everything crashing down on me. Hyunjin had suffered his entire life, and I had done nothing but add to that pain. I had blamed him for something he didn't do, pushed him away, treated him like he wasn't worthy of love... and now I was realizing that he had never received love from anyone. Not even from me.

My throat tightened, and I had to fight back the tears threatening to spill. "I... I don't know how to fix this."

Chan gave me a sad smile. "It's not about fixing it, Felix. It's about being there for him, loving him the way he deserves to be loved."

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't keep running from this. I couldn't keep pretending that my feelings didn't matter. Hyunjin needed me, and I was done shutting him out.

"I won't let him go through this alone," I whispered, more to myself than to Chan. "I'll be there for him. I'll love him the way he deserves."

Chan's expression softened, and he stood up, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "That's all he needs, Felix. Just... be patient with him. He's still healing, but he needs to know that you're not going anywhere."

I nodded, my mind made up. I wasn't going to let Hyunjin face this on his own. Not anymore. I had failed him before, but I wouldn't fail him again.

I promised myself then and there that I would love him the way he deserved. I would show him that he wasn't alone, that he was worthy of love, and that I wasn't going to leave.

Not now. Not ever.

I opened the door to our apartment, quietly stepping inside. It was late, and the lights were dimmed. The exhaustion of the day weighed heavily on my shoulders, but all I could think about was Hyunjin.

I glanced around the living room and saw him lying on the couch, curled up with his face buried into a pillow. His soft breathing was the only sound in the room, and I found myself pausing for a moment just to watch him. He looked so vulnerable, so fragile, like the weight of the world was pressing down on him even in his sleep.

I took a deep breath and moved closer. The sight of him like this, so small and defenseless, made my heart clench painfully. I hated how much he'd been through, hated that I hadn't been there for him when he needed me most.

Kneeling down beside the couch, I gently placed my hand on his arm. The moment my fingers made contact with his skin, he stiffened, his body tensing as if he was preparing for something bad to happen. My chest tightened at the sight.

"My poor baby..." I whispered under my breath, feeling the ache deep in my heart.

I brushed a few strands of hair away from his face, my touch as soft as I could manage. He looked peaceful now, but I knew better. I knew that even in sleep, he wasn't free from the nightmares that haunted him.

I couldn't let him stay here like this. He deserved more than to sleep uncomfortably on the couch. Gently, I slid one arm under his legs and the other around his back, carefully lifting him into my arms. He was so light, almost weightless, and it reminded me of how fragile he really was.

Hyunjin stirred slightly but didn't wake up, his head resting against my shoulder as I carried him towards the bedroom. I held him close, my grip secure but soft, not wanting to startle him.

As I laid him down on the bed, his face relaxed into the pillow, and I stood there for a moment, just looking at him. The shadows under his eyes were a reminder of the sleepless nights, the endless pain he'd been carrying. I brushed my thumb over his cheek, wanting to erase all the hurt, all the fear.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I'm going to make this right. I'll never let you feel alone again."

With a quiet sigh, I pulled the blanket over him, making sure he was comfortable before I climbed into bed beside him. I stayed close, but not too close, knowing how cautious he was with touch now.

But I couldn't stop myself from reaching out, just lightly touching his arm, wanting to feel that connection, even if it was small. His body didn't stiffen this time, and I found a small sense of relief in that.

Lying there next to him, I made a silent promise to myself. I would be better. I would love him in all the ways he deserved. I would protect him, be the person he needed me to be. I had been blind for too long, but not anymore.

I closed my eyes, feeling the steady rhythm of his breathing beside me. He wasn't alone anymore. He never would be again.