𝘉𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘚𝘪𝘥𝘦 #1

6. Reflex

Freak — Doja Cat

Six years before

"So, which one do you think would suit me best? Because I feel like..." I had lost my concentration in the video call with Leah in less than a second when a message from Jack appeared in my notifications. My best friend was showing me dresses she was considering wearing to a party that night, but couldn't decide, so she asked for my help. I was barely providing any assistance because I couldn't stop chatting with this London boy at the same time. We made jokes in a private chat so as not to disturb Wade when he wasn't around, since he once complained that we wrote too much. So, occasionally, we'd converse just the two of us, discussing everything from the simplest, most mundane topics to the most complex ones. Jack was the kind of person with whom I could discuss what he'd eaten to the existence of aliens and close encounters of the fourth kind. Although he sometimes made sexual references about those encounters, not necessarily with aliens, of course. I didn't mind either: there wasn't a dull moment in this situation, either between us or in our friendly trio. "Okay, tell me"

"Uh, sorry, what?" I felt my cheeks' skin tight from smiling idiotically at the screen for who knows how long. We both smiled as we could, but I'd been talking to him for almost two months, day and night, and couldn't help it. I was still in Birmingham, but we hadn't seen each other again because I'd been busy every day since we met. Wade was starting his studies, and Jack was dedicated to professional football in a small local team, although he'd mentioned that a couple of important clubs had him in their sights.

Leah sighed, took her laptop, and sat on her bed with it, looking at me with narrowed eyes.

"You've got that smile..." Leah murmured thoughtfully, leaning into the camera as if trying to read me across the distance. I rolled my eyes, denying it before she could continue, and couldn't help but laugh. I blocked my phone and tossed it aside, ignoring the new notifications.

"Tell me who, when, where, and how you met him, Savannah."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Lee. I was just looking at a meme," I said, shrinking into my seat while avoiding direct eye contact with my camera. I didn't want her to see my expressions, and my eyes wandered anywhere on the screen except directly at her. My best friend let out a chuckle, also shaking her head.

"Don't try to lie to me, Mitchell, and tell me who it is. You can't fool me. I haven't seen that smile in... how long? Seven years? And it's still not comparable to what's happening now." Suddenly, I noticed her moving again, and she was lying face-up on her bed.

"Aren't you supposed to go out tonight?" I puckered my lips, avoiding a smile because, yes, I remembered that moment Leah referred to – a summer love that had captivated me, but when it ended, it was without malice. It didn't feel the same, not even close, to what was growing slowly in my chest now.

Yet, I'd been pondering this issue for days because, despite my actions contradicting what I wanted to do, I shouldn't feel this way. I didn't want to like Jack for many reasons: we lived far apart, he was a fuckboy who sometimes told me about his hookups, we got along too well, and our connection was intensely strong, one I could feel even through the screen. Moreover, I didn't want my feelings to be mistaken for friendship, no matter how well we clicked. The truth was that sometimes I thought I was trying to convince myself of this last point, forcing myself to push that feeling as deep down as possible, making me forget. Then, my mind would revisit all the other reasons, and I'd become entangled in a spiral of thoughts that, at some point, exhausted me.