"Where da hell on earth were ya?" Da very first thing my dad said to me at 12 a.m.
"Community service!" I lied with styled.
"Git up ta bed!" I moved up ta bed. Knowing the next day, or rather later today, will be brighter!!
—
"Already class today we will be doing TECHNOLOGY." The first hour teacher, who shall henceforth be bestowed the name: Giggleworth, said in a kinky tone.
"Like slingshots and flame throwers."
"No Adrian! COMPUTERS!!"
Soon we faced shoddy machines made from 20 years prior. Moniters thick as Mr. Giggleworth himself, dusty ass keyboards, computer mice that made clicking sounds.
"Okay first we shall begin with turning on the system."
When the machine booted, only took 10 minutes to flash on (Christ), the equally old operaping system was LAAAAGGII. The pixilated cursor teleported from left to right and the menu was straight outta da 2000s.
"Next, double-click the 4 paneled icon.''
We did so as commanded and it took 1 2 3 4 5 MINUTES for another menu to pop open. This processor is BOLLOCKS!
"Thirdly, select the typing program."
Another 5 minutes. Class was going to be over before we did ANYTHING fun!
"Now each shall begin writing an essay about using a computer as the most amazing thing ever."
WRITING WHAT THE FUCK ALL THE WAITING FOR WRITING! DAMN IT ALL!
"This is crap." I muttered. A thought circulated in me head. Perhaps I could...pirate. I pulled up the browser at loathsome speed. Let's look at... Thong girls 3.
Free movies thong girls. I searched
Yep yep there there! Popped it open.
FREE CASINO NOW NOW NOW PLAY NOW NOW NOW Damn a pop ad. It won't go away! GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY
"ADRAIN WARREN WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Giggleworth snarled in a disgusted tone. "GAAAAAAAAAAAA-" He unleashed the longest gasp I ever heard. "PRINCIPAL OFFICE NOW!?"
—
"Disgraceful, utterly and completely disgraceful!" My momma said next me in the office of the prince.
"It is unfortunate to have your son seeing things like this Mrs. Warren. Any activity involving Porn in this facility is strictly prohibited. In addition, he was also on an illegal movie hosting website. Misbehavior such as deserves a through punishment. Adrain will receive a 1 week out of school suspension and will notify the police of his online activities."
After that big wall of text, my mother got SOUR.
"The PatH YOu FaLLoW NoW wilL LeAD To DARk CONSEQUENCES!" She saids.
"Damn Al, thought you loved your mama."
"Well sometimes she shit."
"And you got caught?"
"Yep yep. That reminds me, after school...
"This your final warning," Some po po officer said earlier today. " young man. One more visit to those black area websites and it's prison for you!"
"And the cop wiggled his finger like some nanny. I almost laughed.''
"Well still a copo." Carlos warned. "You should be wary of the law."
"You weren't followed, were ya?" Sucuma peeked from the door. "No eavesdropper." Was what he reported.
""Good. Now Al don't be using those sites in public places ya hear?"
"Understood." I gave a thumbs up. "Wait... is that why you were acting funny for that secret room."
"Of course, our methods of obtaining shit is very secertive. I was being careful not to let the tech fall in the wrong, tattle tale hands."
"I hear you."
"Still got that VPN."
"Huh No... what is a VPN."
"You lied. Damn... well VPN is a SAWASHIGYUGHIGHYUIJKOOKOKYUUU.'' He hammered on this Virtual Private Network and it's mechanics. But me and the other boys just didn't CARE! "Now you know."
"Sure." We all made a thumbs up.
"Now men, I do believe I need to make some prep for the pirate party. So you must go off." He made a brushing gesture.
"Bye."
"Buh-bye."
''Bye, bye.''
We all departed from the get together.''
—
Get ya laptop
What? It was late. Like pitch dark late. Why I had awoken this late?
What was it? gotcha dick? Got milk? Goat yo cheese?
Get ya laptop
Oh yeah, thanks subcoinuess. That device had been absent from it's 3 year-old user for too long. It's robbing time! Yeah yeah!
I am complete silence, a quiet ghost, a non-phyiscal phantom of da night. I stalk the hallways without an artifical crack made. I reached the closet of father possession (I so believe it is hidden there). Under clothes, no. His Tote of Tabac, no. By his super, not-so secret shotgun, yes. YES YES YES!
"Mmma...?"
No an alarm as been set... must sacdactall.
YES I have obtained the laptop without fault!
Tomorrow will bring such such JOY!
—
"You be a good boy, Adrian." My mom told me the next morning. "Get your work online and do it please."
"Sure mommy, sure, sure. NAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH I just pirate pirate PIRATE YEAH YEAH YEAH I download this song, and that game, and this movie and that show. Anything I thought I downloaded so. Downloaded 3 things at once, a circus act. Course when all was done, it was time to play!
Play I did. I swinged around as an ape in Shit Country. Watched a baby give birth in Y'all Ready. Listened to an album that sold 1 copy worldwide.
It was magical to be doing all this for so little cost. Wait there's no cost to anything of it ha ha! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Da WORLDWIDE WEB IS MY BEST FRIEND!''
—
"Did you get any work done?" Me momma asked.
"Yep yep yep." I nodded thrice in good succession.
"What's with that face child." Momma inquired Jobi. He looked like he was gonna explode, explode with deadly expacison. So I gives him a Madusa stare and the baby saids aloud: I NEED DA BATHRRRRRRROOOOOM!
He scampers down the hallway like he's on fire. Excellent work.
YOU ARE READING
That Spectacular Guy
HumorThis is the amazing, fantastic tale of a boy who learned of alternative means of obtaining things. The story is fiction yet possibly true. There is comedy yet tragedy. Who will go and who will still. READ AND FIND OUT!
