Fallen Alone-Andley

You'll Be The End Of Me

Ashley's PoV
We had all just got back on the bus after tonight's show when someone knocked on the door, Andy had went to answer it and had been out there since. We could hear his laughter in here and another male voice accompanying it, the bus door swung open and in walked Andy and another man we didn't know,
"So guys, I have something to tell you" Andy started, he turned towards the unknown man "This is Cobolt. He's my boyfriend" all of us were shocked there was no denying, but they were happy with his new found love everyone was, everyone except me.

I couldn't think, I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes as that one word repeatedly played in my head like a broken record, 'boyfriend' I could almost hear my heart shatter in my chest, I was frozen in place.
I barely took notice of the hand waving in front of my face. Turning my head slowly I see CC is talking but I make no effort to hear, I mumble about being tired and head for my bunk, I want to be alone, no, I need to be alone, no one can know.

I could hear all the guys laughing and having fun, they didn't care about me, why would they? I'm just a pathetic faggot. About an hour had passed since I left, no one had came to the bunk room and I had spent the time trying to wipe away the continuous flow of tears and planning ways to get past this, I only came up with a few ideas, they all ended in my death.
Maybe if I did? No one would miss me they can find a new bass player, Andy can live happily with his boyfriend and I won't have to worry about them being all lovey dovey, climbing down from my bunk everyone now asleep, perfect opportunity no interruptions.

Removing my emergency razor from its box I head into the bathroom, I roll up my sleeves, faint lines mark my arms invisible to the naked eye and covered by tattoos but I knew they were there, they were always there. All my new scars were on my thighs for nobody to see, nobody knew about my habit but I couldn't stop it, it was stupid to start in the first place, but then again I was a stupid teen.
Taking a deep breath I raise the blade to my wrist, I make a few shallow cuts, feeling the burn I love so much, watching the red liquid bead up and drip down my wrist into the ceramic sink, time to go down the river, there was a knock on the bathroom door and a shake of the handle, thankfully I remembered to lock it,
"hurry up dude" it was Jinxx thank god, no Andy.
Pocketing my blade, I pull my sleeve down past my hand, run the tap to remove the blood evidence and exit the bathroom, I'll finish this in my bunk once Jinxx is back to sleep, I payed no mind to him as I subconsciously moved past him, I could feel him looking at me behind but I cared not, mind only on one thing, my suicide.

Once back in my bunk, I listened close to Jinxx's movements as he left the bathroom, came into the bunk room walked past my bunk and into his own, I waited a few minutes till I could be more sure he was asleep before reaching into my pocket for my blade.

I made a few more faint lines to build up my nerve to follow through, watching the little amount of blood run down the side of my hand, I was about to make the final cut before I heard movement and someone leave their bunk, seriously can't you just go to sleep,
"Ash, I know your awake, can we talk?" Jinxx's voice says, calming my breathing and trying to swallow the lump in my throat I quickly wipe my eyes and cheeks I reply
"Sure"
Pulling my sleeve back down over my hand for the second time and I pull the curtain back, I jump down next to Jinxx and follow him into the lounge area,
"So what you want to talk about?" I ask once seated at the table area, my voice shakes a little but not clearly noticeable,
"When you came out the bathroom, there was small smudges of blood on the sink. I wanted to know if you were okay." Jinxx states in a calming voice, worry intertwined in each syllable and that broke my walls, nobody had ever asked if I was okay, nobody was ever worried, nobody ever cared and now I cannot stop the tears that run so freely down my cheeks.
"Hey, hey it's okay, come here." He soothes as he wraps his arms around my shaking body, a few words broke my barriers I had never allowed it before but now I had no control. Jinxx didn't seem to mind, he only held me and whispered soothing words into my ears as I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest.
Jinxx kept his arms tight around my body once I was reduced to sniffling and whimpers,
"Now Ash, what's wrong?" Jinxx smiled tenderly down at me, but I only shock my head in response not wanting to tell,
"I hope I'm wrong but, may I?" He asks motioning to my sleeve, shaking my head furious I pull away with my arms right to my chest,
"I thought so, it's okay Ash, you're okay, but, let me see how bad." He smiles sympathetically, he outstretched his hand Palm up waiting for me give my arm, he wasn't going to force me. There was no sign of hate in his expression or words only brotherly love and care.

Taking a deep breath I give him my arm, putting all my trust in him. I turn my head away as he slowly begins to roll up my sleeve and a gasp escape his lips,
"A-ash.." He stutters, I carefully turn back to face him,
"Correct me if I'm wrong but this is your first time?" He asks, slowly and stiffly I shake my head, now finding my lap increasingly interesting, "Ash look at me" he whispers softly I turn back up, unable to look him in the eye, "Where?" He rubs my shoulder affectionately.
Lowering my head again I trace light patterns on my thighs hoping he'll catch on, he does, taking my hand in his he pulls me up to stand,
"Show me" he orders, carefully I unbutton my jeans and pull them down to my knees, my thighs, whites lines covered by pale pink ones then covered by angry red ones, all spread across the surface area of both my thighs not a single clean patch of my skin visible.
"Okay, you can pull them up and we'll talk about this later today just to give you a chance to calm down some," he tells me, pulling my jeans back up I smile back at him, grateful he's giving me a break but now I'm dreading later.
"One more thing. Give me your blades." He motions with his hand flat out awaiting my comforts. Pulling my blade out my pocket I place it on the palm of his hand, "the rest?" Damn he's smart, heading to my bunk I pull out 6 more blades all hidden in different places, "is this all?" I nod my head in return while he hums in acknowledgement.

Taking all my blades he has me follow him into the bathroom, taking my hand he places them in my palm and points to the toilet, sighing I move to stand in front of the toilet and hover my hand above, not dropping them just yet, l look back at Jinxx who smiles and nods his head in encouragement, turning back I open my hand, a slight splash is heard as they hit the water, reaching over I flush the toilet and watch as they disappear, I feel a hand on my back and turn to face Jinxx,
"Well done" he smiles again and leaves the bathroom, making sure I am following behind.

((Feedback, should I write it? Let me know if you like it or not!! Byez))
Title-A day to Remember-End of me
-Scarz💙