SOULMATES

Seventeen...

PERCY'S POV.

"Either you tell me what is going on or you let me out of this room" She said

"You won't understand...."

"Then make me! You are not telling me anything! You can't just give me bits of information and expect me to accept it just like that...tell me what is going on Percy...."

"I can't...I'm sorry....you will have to trust me. Do you trust me?"

I asked carefully not really expecting a positive answer.Slowly,she nodded her head. My jaw dropped. Was she for real? After everything?

Blinking away my surprise,

She allowed me to hold her and her head came down on my chest. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and we both sighed

I sat back on the bed pulling her with me.

"I have to go home Percy."

I didn't want her to leave knowing this was probably the last time we could be together like this. We couldn't risk it. It was so difficult telling Phoebe that I wanted her......that I didn't want her to leave me...not that day....not ever!

"I don't want you to go......I'll be so bored if you leave".

Shit! That wasn't what I planned to say. She looked surprise.

"Stay for one more night please."

"Why? I can't do that anymore. I can't keep spending nights in your room Percy when I don't know what exactly I am to you. I'm not use to spending nights in my male friends rooms."

Friends ? Did she just refer to me as a friend? After everything i have said? I sat up in bed. I would do anything right now to make Phoebe stay with me.

"You just stay,please"

this seemed to annoy her even more. She jumped out of bed and made for the door.

"You can't leave ok! "

I tugged at her arms and turned her to face me.

"You can't walk into my life and make me fall in love with you then just walk away! "

I screamed at her and she flinched. Her eyes widened.

Unbelievable huh...but I just spilled the beans. Without warning I covered her lips with mine and kissed passionately.

"Don't go." I whispered......

"I was only leaving this room...not you Percy"

She said, her face lightening up.

"I know right..it's just that...I don't know...I feel like the moment you walk out of here you'd change your mind about me .. you'd see all those guys and realize I'm not worth it..... "

She held onto my shirt with both hands and kissed back,not really convinced that she should do that. (I could see the hesitation in her action)

"I'm never going to change my mind about you..."

She shook her head. kissing the top of her head I pulled her against me tighter, savouring every single second of her body attached to mine. Who knows when next I could hold her like this...

It was going to be difficult, I knew but it needed to be done. I  realized  in that moment that I didn't want to hurt this girl. She was so pure and innocent she didn't deserve anything bad in life. The problem was me and I wasn't going to drag her down with me.

I told her I loved her, what I didn't tell her was that I cannot accept that love. My greatest fear at the moment was that I was going to wake up one day and realize that it was nothing but a fantasy. I couldn't convince myself that this was real and it was going to last. I was stuck with the fear that I'd end up like my father and every other man who gave his heart to a woman; broken. And I didn't want that.

My heart contracted painfully against my chest. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for deceiving her like this but it was for the best. I have accepted that I wasn't good enough for her and this wasn't going to last. I needed to make her see that by hurting her this way. There was no way around it.

That night, I had to remind myself over and over again why I needed to do what I was about to do before I could change my mind. I was doing it for her. It had to be done .

I should've let her go but so what if I was a little selfish. This was probably the last time I'd be able to hold her. I needed to savor every moment .

******** ******** **********

I never thought there would be a time in my life where I'd wish I was someone else, I'd wish I never lived the way I did. Had it not been for my own stupidity, making reckless decisions without giving two thoughts about it I wouldn't have found myself in this situation.

Avoiding Phoebe was by far the most difficult punishment I had  ever served. It was driving me crazy how close she was yet so damn far . I couldn't even take a good look at her anytime we crossed path, afraid of giving myself away.

But the sadness on her face was unmistakable. At times I could feel her eyes on me even before I saw her. Her attention was always on me anytime we were in the same room. I think it was what kept me from completely running mad; knowing that she was still thinking of me and still had me in heart.

She didn't understand why I was acting strange. Especially after a night I admitted my feelings to her. She called a few times but after my lack of interest she stopped.
I could see the hurt in Phoebe's eyes anytime she saw me with Vera. The boys were fully convinced now . At least one part of the plan was still intact.

Then hurt turned into anger. I didn't need to talk to her to know she was angry at me. She didn't look at me the same anymore. Couldn't blame her. She must have caught on; she was played.

But this was good news right? I wanted her to get over me and now she had taken a step in that direction so why did I feel like shit?

I was feeling guilty as it was and the fact that she never bothered to spare a look my way anymore. She seemed to be growing more and more attached to that shit head Harold and I was mad about it.

Why would I be mad about something I instigated myself?

She seemed happy with him. Suddenly we were strangers again and all traces of our earlier relationship, whatever it was, completely erased.

I was so heartbroken.

I mean she did promise me !! She said she was never going to change her mind about me. And then she goes and forget about me? Moving on so quickly?

This didn't make sense. My feelings was all over the place, a very confused one! I thought this was going to make me get over her. I thought I'd be back to my old self.  I thought it was for the best. So why was I so bitter about it?

For a while I forgot my ultimate goal in life and sulked around because of a girl. Then I was back with the crowd. The more I saw them together , the better I got at hiding my true feelings and going back to being a total jerk.

This love shit was never part of my destiny anyways.  I decided to take the little opportunity  I had to experience what it would look like to fall in love and keep it save in my heart.

That was all I was getting.

                                ~annieamour~