random englot short stories

illicit affairs

Engfa's POV

With one last slow, passionate kiss, I reluctantly pulled away, straightening my posture as I stood beside the bed. Her eyes, filled with longing and yearning, reached deep into my core.

"I have to go," I whispered, each word slicing through me like a knife. "If I wait for the sun to rise, it could be risky."

She gazed at me with the same sad eyes that had been full of love just moments before, when I was nestled between her arms, sharing warmth in her bed.

Finally, she nodded, resigned to let me go.

"Make sure no one sees you leave," she reminded me, her voice shaky, as if she were fighting back tears.

"I will," I replied, forcing a smile. "I'll keep my hood up and my eyes down, just like you've told me a million times." I tried to lighten the mood with a joke.

She smiled, but it didn't reach her beautiful eyes.

"What will you tell P'Sun when you get to your hotel?" she asked, suddenly avoiding my gaze.

I pursed my lips and clenched my fists in my jacket pockets. "I'll say I went for a run."

She scoffed. "Sure, because that explains why you're flushed and smells like me."

I sighed. "Char..."

"I understand," she interrupted softly, lowering her head. "I promise, I understand."

I wanted to pull her close, to reassure her that everything would be fine in time. But I had to leave, knowing that if I touched her even slightly, I wouldn't be able to walk away.

"I'll see you later," I said, my voice wavering between a question and a promise. "I'll meet you in the--"

"The parking lot. Yes," she cut me off, her sniffle betraying her tears.

That's the thing about illicit affairs, and clandestine meetings and longing stares--those shared fleeting moments, they're easy to cherish but agonizing to part from. In a single touch, we felt alive, but when it's time to leave, we both die a million little times.

When I reached my hotel room, P'Sun was sitting at the edge of the bed, glaring at me as his foot tapped impatiently on the floor.

"Where have you been?" he demanded.

"I went for a run."

"Run my ass."

"I swear--"

"You know you're putting yourself and her career at risk by doing this," he cut me off, concern and frustration etched across his face.

"I..." I lowered my head, staring at the floor, my thoughts in turmoil. "I can't lose her."

"But can you bear to lose everything you've worked so hard for?" P'Sun asked, voicing the difficult question I feared most.

I kept my gaze on the floor as tears began to fall, the weight in my chest growing heavier.

Finally, I looked up at him. "Why can't I have both?"

-----

Charlotte's POV

As soon as she left my room, the dam broke in my eyes, flooding my cheeks with tears that had been pent up from the conflicting emotions in my chest.

I spent the next half hour pouring my heart out, ensuring there would be no trace of my heartache when I had to face our fans.

Once I composed myself, I slowly got out of bed, my body bare naked and still marked by her scent. Her warmth lingered around me, but it faded as the cold air of the room enveloped me.

Her words echoed in my mind once more.

"We can't be in a relationship right now. We both have responsibilities to uphold."

"Let's just wait until the time is right."

But how do we know when the time is right?

"If what we feel for each other is real, we'll get through this. What I feel for you is real, Charlotte."

But that's the thing about illicit affairs, and clandestine meetings and stolen stares. They'll offer you their promises, and you'll believe every word. But in the end, no matter how genuine it felt, in a world where your love for each other was forbidden, it would always turn out to be a lie.

And they'll lie a million little times.

-----

The event came to a close, and as we stood on the stage of the MGT hall in front of our fans, I forced a smile, trying to appear as normal as possible. Our friends waved and interacted with supporters, reaching for the gifts being offered to us.

On the far side, where I stood beside Heidi, I stole a discreet glance in her direction. Her bright smile lit up her beautiful eyes, and her dimples showed.

She was truly happy.

But I couldn't be.

If I were in her shoes, I'd probably be scared to risk it all, too.

To jeopardize everything she'd worked so hard for, from competing for Miss Grand Thailand to securing the title of 1st runner-up on the international stage. She had climbed from the bottom to the peak. I understand why she couldn't and wouldn't trade it for anything else, even for me.

Between us, she's the one who had everything to lose. I was just a woman in her life, a mere bystander in her world of opportunities. All I had to lose was her.

She had told me before that she didn't want me to feel pressured and that if I chose to pursue a different path, one without her, she would understand. I was young, she said, with the world ahead of me to explore.

But I didn't care about any of that. She knew it.

Just as she knew she had made me a mess by saying those words. She knew how idiotic fool she made me feel.

"I don't want to ruin what we've built for ourselves, Charlotte."

But she knew damn well...

For her, I would ruin myself a million little times.