My Other Half

Out My Mind

Billie paces in the bedroom as Audrey sits perched on the bed with a book open. The actress had told her girlfriend multiple times to sit down and relax but she simply can't. Not when she knows Natalia is suffering like this. "Audrey, she feels terrible" the medium tries convincing Audrey to soften up but she's not going for it, "oh well" she responds emotionless as she continues reading. "For fu- She hasn't left her room in weeks and she's clearly depressed — what do you think the cause of that could be??" Audrey merely shrugs in response.

"Listen..." Bill m the medium chuckles drily, taking a deep breath to keep some of her frustration at bay. "I've been patient up until this point but I've had it. I don't care if you don't love her anymore, if you're still mad at her, you can feel however you want. But you better find some compassion in your heart and soon because this is my best friend we're talking about. So if you care about me at all... I suggest you fix this because this is dragging on simply due to you not being able to act like a fucking adult!" Audrey recoils, shock written clearly across her face.

There's a moment of silence as both women process what's just occurred snd neither particularly want to break it but it's Audrey's move. "Will you be honest with me?" Billie is confused by the sudden question and change of tone, taking a moment to try and switch gears. "Please" Audrey's voice is pleading, desperate to be acknowledged. "Always" Billie says firmly, she's not one to lie or beat around the bush when it comes to serious things like this. "Do you love her more?" The medium wasn't excepting that, it takes her off guard and she doesn't know how to respond.

"I thought so..." the actress takes the woman's silence as an answer when really, Billie was just trying to find the right words to express herself. "Audrey, it's not that I love her more. It's just... I've known her a long time. I know how she works, how she thinks, how she's beating herself up over this worse than you or I ever could. I would do the same thing for you but you don't need an advocate, Audrey, she does." There's a moment of quiet, stillness, both women thinking about the words that have just been spoken. Audrey tried to digest them, the words going down slowly and with a bit of a fight.

"I'll talk to her but I can't make you any promises." Hearing those words makes Billie unbelievably happy, just the fact that Audrey is willing is enough for her. "Thank you. All I want is for you to both have the chance to express yourselves to each other and find common ground." Billie moves closer to Audrey and kisses her on the cheek, hugging her closely. Audrey smiles a bit, glad that she's pleased her girlfriend but worried about the conversations to come. Fortunately, Sarah's babbles distract her from having to mull over that for now and she goes to check on the little one.

Whilst she does that, Billie starts to get ready for bed by taking her makeup off and doing a quick shower. By the time she's dressed and ready, Audrey is coming back in. "She's down for the night" Billie claps, quietly, happy that Cordelia's serum seems to be working. Audrey climbs into bed and scoots closer to the medium, hesitant to get to close in case she's still upset. Billie moves closer, wrapping the screws in her arms and kissing her head to soothe her. Audrey's gears turn quickly, it sounds like a train could be running through her head.

"What if she..." Audrey pauses, thinking of Natalia with a bittersweet smile. Billie waits patiently, knowing her girlfriend is battling with her thoughts. "What if she hates me?" It's a dejected whisper, the defeat clear in Audrey's tone. Truth be told, she was only holding the grudge because she was jealous and insecure. She feels Cordelia has so much more to offer Natalia, even Billie had abilities and the actress is just... normal. Billie ponders the question, thinking about how you might be feeling. "Natalia doesn't hate anyone... She might be a little upset but... it'll boil over" The medium is confident in her answer, knowing it to be true, and Audrey just tries to believe it.

Natalia's pov
I'm tending to the plants when the door of the greenhouse opens. Light spills through the crack in the door and floods the room in an amber haze for a moment. I squint and turn away, continuing my work in hopes that whoever it is goes about their business. "Hi, sweetheart" I smile a bit involuntarily when I hear her voice and I turn around to face her. I mumble a greeting before turning back to the plants, hoping that calm my nerves.

"You ok?" I can hear the concern in her voice and I shrug before the words even come out my mouth. "As ok as I can be" I know she's referring to the girls comments earlier. Heidi was essentially making fun of me for 'moping around' about something so stupid. I'm not even sure how she found out about it but then again, you don't have to be a genius to figure it out. "You don't have to lie to me..." I can feel her getting closer, her magic making my heart pump harder. "What do you want me to say? Of course it bothered me because she's right. It is my own fault and yet I'm moping like they owe me something" I sigh deeply.

"Audrey does owe you an apology." I know she's right, Audrey should apologize for how she reacted but it's not just on her. "So I wait around for something I'm not going to receive? What good will that do?" I try to contain my frustration but the more I talk about it, the angrier I get. I don't know where this is coming from, I've been depressed for weeks and now I'm just filled with rage. "You never know, don't be so pessimistic" I know she's only being her usual self - the optimist, but that doesn't feel appropriate right now.

"Life is pessimistic, Cordelia! Why the fuck would I wait around for some apology that's never going to come?! I swear this is just like when I would fight with my mom... I hate her!" I scream, "you don't mean that, sweetie..." I throw a glass and it starts a hurricane. I swipe a pot off the table, my hand stinging from connecting with the hard material but the adrenaline helps me ignore it. "You're just too damn... HAPPY all the fucking time! News flash, life's a bitch and she's not as nice to some of us as she is to others!" I see Cordelia flinch a little and I freeze.

She comes closer, cautiously, and wraps me in her arms. "Shhh... it's ok" she whispers, "let me go" I whimper as tears fill my eyes. Her grip only tightens around me as I try to move away and she holds my arms crossed over my chest to keep me still. "This will pass, love... just breathe..." I sob as I listen to her words and she turns me around in her arms to hold my head to her chest. I listen to her encouraging words as she strokes my hair. She's right. I could never hate Audrey, no matter how much I'd like to be able to.