after hours. | r.c.

one

-☆-

THE FOURTH DAY on summer break, i found myself standing in the middle of my parents house. my dead parents house. my eyes drifting towards the suitcases at my feet.

i thought that since im permanetly coming back to kildare island, everything was going to get good- hell i had looked forward to it since the day i dropped out. now that im here, i dont feel so good.

hurricane agatha had ripped through the island just a couple days before, meaning i was returning to more than one disaster. 

everything was left the exact way i left it the last time i was here- execpt for the fact that mom and dad painted the walls a different color. we had just moved into this house, they wanted a nuetral and modern home. 

but aside from that small change, everything was the exact same. 

that meant my room was in the past as well. the last time i had been in this house- been in that room, miles was with me, and we had a huge argument, breaking the thing we had.

i move toward the picture frame that was placed on top of the fireplace. i looked at the picture of mom, dad, miles and i. he looked ecstatic- beneath that smile was a hint of hatred for the girl standing next to him, me.

it was my favorite picture of me and miles with my parents. now to be honest, i quite literally hated it. it wasnt real. the smile, the love, me. it wasnt who i was, it was what my parents and miles wanted me to be. 

almost three years, i busted my ass to be the perfect girl... even if i was a pogue. i worked twenty times harder than everyone else- to fit in. i just never did. 

i was accepted into being a kook, by certain people. then i was accepted into being a pogue, by certain people. i was just never one of anyone, i was in the middle. sometimes i wished i could cut myself off and get out of everyones way.

miles made me feel like i fit in. even though hes an ass, he treated me well. the pogues did too, it just never felt right with them, ever. he mostly acted like i wasnt a pogue at all, i tried avoiding it but it was one of the reasons we broke up. 

so, when i lost miles, i ran off to college. 

the breakup happened three months ago. ive only been in college for three months, and ive already dropped out. despite dropping out of college and being back home, somehow everything flooded back to me. 

what hurt the most was knowing that miles could not have given less than a singular shit about the breakup. in fact thats when he seemed to be living his best life. 

"your back!"

i spun around, placing the picture frame back down and seeing the group of kids walking up to me with happy and shocked expressions. 

"we didnt know if you would be able to make it home since the hurricane hit" kie said, stepping closer and enclosing me in a hug. 

i tried cracking a small smile, and shrugged. "you'll have me for a while now" i joked, my humor not quite meeting my eyes.

as she pulled away, pope and john b all pulled me into their embrace, the scent of weed flooding my nostrils. "hi boys" i sigh, my voice muffled by them invading my personal space.