I'll look after you

03

-A S H E R-

As I faced the black boxing bag in front of me. My fists blur as I unleash a rapid series of punches. The sound of my gloves hitting the bag steady. The bag was swaying back and forth.

Every strike was a burst of energy, every hit is a calculated attack. My breathing was deep and controlled, the sweat drips down my eyebrows. The burn in my shoulders and arms intensified, but I pushed through it.

Until I couldn't take it anymore, I backed off and took off my gloves and took a deep breath.

For some reason it's like a mountain of emotions that have been kept inside. Had exploded, because I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.

I was literally sobbing and I didn't know why. The weight of everything, all the things I had buried deep down into a hole. Seemed to have surfaced. The training, the constant pressure, the grief. It just felt too much.

I'm not a person to cries quickly, but right now this moment it was necessary. I couldn't hold it anymore. My knees buckled beneath me, and I sank into the floor. My breath coming in ragged gasps. As I tried to make sense of it all.

For an another few minutes, I just let the emotions crash all over me, wave after wave. And as I sat there against the wall of my garage. Sometime inside began to feel lighter, maybe I just had to let it all out.

Reality then crept back in, as I glanced at the clock. It was 6:30 am.

School. I had to get ready so I wiped my tears away and got up. No one had to know what just happened. I ran upstairs and locked the door behind me when I entered my room.

I grabbed a towel and took a cold shower in the bathroom that was attached to my room. As the cold water hit my face, trying to wake up, trying to get myself together. It didn't erase the pain, but it made me not look like a mess.

Back in my room, I grabbed my school uniform. Every move ached, but I kept going. Trousers, shirt, tie, jacket. Routing things that I did everyday, but today it felt like the hardest task.

Once I glanced at the clock, it was 7:30. I grabbed my backpack, but it was flipped upside down. So all of my stuff fell out. I let out a heavy sigh and got on my knees and gathered my stuff.

A smile grew on my face when I saw a black notebook. I didn't read it, it wasn't mine so who am I to read it. I'm planning to return it to her, I wanted to give it to her yesterday. But she just wanted to go to her locker.

Once my stuff was packed, I left my room and headed my way to my car. I unlocked my car, threw my backpack in the passenger seat and then started the car.

I pulled out of the driveway, the streets were quiet and empty. The drive to school was automatic, like my muscle memory was guiding me.

As I pulled into the school parking lot, I spotted my friends sitting at our usual place where we wait for each other. They were sitting on a picnic table talking to each other.

I felt a wave of sadness wash over me reminding me of the empty space next to me. The memories flooded back, the soccer practices, the birthdays, the soccer games we won together. My jaw clenched, as I tried to push the grief away, but it was like a shadow lurking just beneath the surface.