Hetatober: A series of dumb one shots

Day 6: OTP

I was in the middle of making one of my favorite dish: steak and kidney pie. I could hardly contain my excitement to finally share it with Japan! He'd asked me about one of my favourite "tremendous pies", and I told him to hold that thought until today. Today, I'd show him just how brilliant my cooking could be—finally, someone would appreciate my culinary talents!

I laid out the bowl, the pie pan, and the ingredients, ready to start. Just as I was getting into it, Sealand and Wy bounded into the kitchen, laughing and playing with Barbies and plastic airplanes.

Sealand, eyes wide with curiosity, immediately took notice of the utensils. "Oh! You're baking something! Let me help! Please, please, please, England! I want to bake too!"

"I'm making steak and kidney pie for Japan," I replied, trying to keep my cool. "I can't have you messing it up. Go watch anime or Power Rangers or something."

But Sealand was relentless. "Oh, come on! Don't be mean! I wanna help! Please, please, please, pleeeaaaase!"

Wy joined in, both of them chanting "please" like some sort of annoying mantra. My head started to ache. God, they didn't know how to take no for an answer.

Sighing, I gave in. "Fine. Just don't touch anything without asking."

I started cutting the steak into bite-sized pieces while Sealand and Wy stood at the stove, watching the onions and garlic sizzle in the pan. I added the steak and the lamb kidneys, stirring them in with the softened vegetables.

Sealand, brimming with energy, fetched the broth and flour while Wy measured them with surprising precision before dumping them into the pot.

"Blimey, Wy, you're a natural," I remarked, impressed.

Everything was going smoothly until—

"Oh, bugger! I forgot the Worcestershire sauce!"

"What now?" Wy asked, peering into the fridge.

I joined Wy in inspecting the fridge. The only sauces we had were ketchup, mayonnaise, and... fish sauce. I stared at it for a moment.

"Same color, close enough," I muttered, shrugging. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

I tossed in two tablespoons of fish sauce, trying to convince myself it wouldn't make a difference. But something still felt off. Oh, right—salt and pepper! I had left them in the car (I had to buy some at the groceries earlier). I quickly dashed outside to grab them, leaving the kids to their own devices for just a minute.

When I returned, chaos greeted me. Flour covered the counter, sugar was scattered across the floor, and the kitchen was an absolute disaster.

"Mr. England!" Wy called out, exasperated. "Sealand put a ton of sugar in the pot!"

Sealand, puffing out his chest proudly, defended himself. "Well, it's a pie! You can't have a pie without sugar!"

"Wait, how much did you put in there?" I asked, panic rising.

"I dunno," Sealand replied, looking all too pleased with himself. "Maybe half a cup?"

Wy, nervously fidgeting behind him, muttered, "It was probably closer to a full cup..."

I was livid, but I wasn't about to lose my temper at Wy. Sealand, however...

"We'll have a little chat later, Sealand. Believe me."

He gulped, clearly catching the hint. "Wy, let's get out of here!"

They bolted from the kitchen, leaving me with the mess. Typical. At this point, I could only hope the sugar wouldn't ruin the whole thing. How bad could it be, right? Good ingredients should still taste good together... or so I told myself.

Three hours later, Japan arrived, looking around at the kitchen, which, despite my efforts, was still a bit of a wreck.

I grinned, trying to downplay the chaos. "So, you asked me yesterday about one of my tremendous pies, and I made one just for you! Hope you enjoy it!"

Japan's eyes widened in alarm, and he seemed to search the room for an escape route. "Uhm... I don't know what you're talking about. I think you might have me confused with someone else. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss out on your... cooking," he stammered, voice trembling.

"No, no, it was definitely you! We were having that chat over the phone yesterday, remember? You asked me about my favorite 'One Tremendous Pie,' and—"

"Wait," Japan interrupted, his confusion deepening. "'One Tremendous Pie?'"

"Yeah! You asked for my favorite OTP!"

Japan's face shifted from confusion to disbelief. "England... we were talking about Harry Potter yesterday. I was asking about your favorite OTP as in 'One True Pairing' . Not pies."

There was a long pause.

I felt my face flush in embarrassment, and before I could stop myself, the words slipped out:

"Get out."