Nick and Charlie One-Shots

Picture You

"Do you picture me like I picture you?

Am I in the frame from your point of view?

Do you feel the same? I'm too scared to say

Half of the things I do when I picture you."

- Chappell Roan

As Charlie finally turned the corner and was out of sight, Nick sobbed.

He didn't think he'd ever sobbed before.

He'd cried, of course.

When he skinned his knee when he was younger.

When he realized he was bisexual.

When Charlie told him he loved him.

But he'd never cried like this.

Nick stood in the middle of the road for several seconds, almost in disbelief, until a car had to pass, so he retreated awkwardly to the sidewalk while wiping his tears and started walking home.

Charlie was gone. Off to a clinic to help him with his mental health.

Tears silently poured down his face as he walked, and when he finally got home, he sat on his front step, unable to fathom going inside and seeing his mum in his current state.

He sobbed for a long time on the step. He watched cars rush by, people walking their dogs down the pavement, birds flying past overhead. Each car reminded him of Charlie looking at him through the back windshield as he left. Each person walking their dog reminded him of their summer walks with Nellie. Each soaring bird above reminded him of Charlie's resilience and determination.

Charlie was everywhere.

Nick finally stood up, went inside his house, and returned to his room after his tears finally slowed. He looked up above his bed, and across each wall, and found dozens of pictures scattered across the walls.

A selfie with him and Charlie during a rugby practice.

A candid of Charlie sleeping peacefully at the beach.

A photo at Truham of Charlie holding up the middle finger (he loved that one).

So, in Nick's overwhelmed state of mind, he walked around his room and dedicated several minutes to studying each photo he had of Charlie, allowing himself to remember the moment each one was taken and on the memories from that day.

When he ran out of pictures on his walls, he moved to his phone and starting scrolling through his photos.

Every time he saw a particularly cute picture, he couldn't help but smile and giggle. Every once in a while, he discovered a photo he forgot about, so he spent more time memorizing each detail; the freckles on Charlie's face, his beautiful dark curls, his addictive smile.

Nick saw photos from just a few days prior, all the way back to when they first met. He couldn't help but think about how much had changed since last year. He had an entirely new friend group, a new identity, a boyfriend.

A boyfriend, who he wasn't able to save.

He began to cry again, the distraction of the photos unable to alleviate his pain any longer.

Finally, he heard a knock at the door. "Nickie?" his mum said, slowly opening his bedroom door.

Nick quickly wiped his tears, throwing his phone into a heap of blankets.

When she saw him crying, she walked over and sat down on the bed next to him. "Oh, baby," she said, enveloping him in a hug.

Nick sobbed into his mum's shoulder, unable to take it any longer. His body was shaking in her embrace, his mind fuzzy and his vision blurry. "I just... w-wish I-I could do something," he said. "Or could've done something before. Made him better."

"You did all you could've," his mum said, hugging him tighter. "This is what's best for him, baby."

"I know—it's just...I feel so helpless. I've n-never felt so helpless before."

"Charlie's strong, Nickie. And he's in the right hands. The doctors there will help him get through this. He loves you. He knows you're here for him."

"Okay—okay," Nick said, nodding into his mum's sweater.

"He'll be home in two months. And hopefully you can talk to him or see him before that."

"Yeah—yeah."

Sarah stood up, ruffling Nick's hair before withdrawing to the door. "Be strong Nick. And strong for Charlie. But it's okay to be sad for him, too. It's okay to miss him."

"Thanks, Mum. I love you."

"I love you too, Nickie."

After Sarah left Nick's room and closed the door gently behind her, Nick waited until her footsteps trailed off. Then, he pulled open the drawer on his bedside table and took out the hardback journal Charlie had given him for his birthday, titled 'memories.' Opening it to the first page, his eyes met the photo of him and Charlie at the beach. The one in the sea, where their arms were around each other, and they were staring into each other's eyes.

This was the last photo for Nick to look at.

He didn't have this photo on his phone—one of their friends must have taken it and sent it to Charlie for him to print. He admired it carefully, remembering every single detail as if it was the last time he would ever see it.

After several minutes, he dug in his drawer for a pen and opened the cap. He flipped over the page and held the pen to the blank paper, trying to find the words. But nothing came. Nothing felt right to say when Charlie was about to be in for the worst months of his life.

He heard Tara's words in his head. 'Journaling will help.'

He waited several seconds for inspiration, then dropped the pen in frustration. After staring at the page for several seconds, he flipped back to the first page, staring at the photo once more.

Then he thought of what they were doing during that moment. They had played in the water, kissed, talked. It was when Charlie wanted to tell him that he loved him for the first time.

With a smile, he picked up the pen, and flipped back over to the blank page and wrote three words:

I love you.

Because right now, it was the only thing he was sure about.