Choice of Love

Chapter 13: True to Yourself

The chill of the evening air nipped at my skin as I sat on the park bench, still reeling from my confrontation with Ethan. Everything felt like a mess—a tangled web of guilt, pity, and confusion. I had walked away, but I hadn't made any real decisions. My heart was caught between two places, neither of which felt like home anymore.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I half-expected it to be another angry message from Ethan. Instead, it was a text from Ava:

"Where are you? Let's talk."

I sighed, knowing that Ava wouldn't let me stay lost in my thoughts for long. She always had a way of cutting through my confusion, even when I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear the truth. After a few minutes, I texted her back the location of the park and sat in silence, waiting.

It wasn't long before I spotted Ava walking toward me, her usual bounce a little subdued. She sat down beside me without saying a word at first, her eyes scanning my face, probably noticing the tear stains I hadn't fully wiped away.

"Rough day, huh?" she finally said, her voice soft but full of understanding.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak just yet.

Ava didn't push me, and for a moment, we just sat there in silence, watching the trees sway in the wind. She knew me well enough to wait until I was ready.

Finally, I exhaled, leaning back against the bench. "I told Ethan it's over," I said, my voice breaking slightly. "But it didn't feel like closure... it just felt like everything's falling apart."

Ava tilted her head, her lips pressing together thoughtfully. "Is it because you still have feelings for him? Or is it because you're afraid of the fallout?"

"I don't know," I muttered, wiping at my face. "It's both, I guess. I feel awful for hurting him, but at the same time... I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pretending that everything is fine when it's not."

Ava turned to me, her eyes sharp, but not unkind. "Les, listen to me. You can't stay with someone out of guilt. You're just going to destroy both of you. Ethan's already angry and bitter, and the longer you drag this out, the worse it's going to get—for both of you."

I knew she was right, but the guilt still clawed at me. "I just don't want him to hate me."

Ava let out a soft sigh, her gaze softening. "He might hate you for a while, yeah. But he'll move on eventually. You're not doing him any favors by staying with him out of pity. That's not love—that's self-punishment."

I looked down at my hands, feeling the weight of her words settle into me. I had been so focused on not hurting Ethan that I hadn't realized how much I had been hurting myself in the process.

"And Jason?" Ava asked, raising an eyebrow. "Where does he fit into all of this?"

I hesitated, my thoughts immediately going to Jason. His kindness, his patience, the way he always seemed to understand me even when I didn't fully understand myself. But there was a part of me that had been holding back, afraid to fully embrace what was happening between us because of my lingering ties to Ethan.

"I don't know," I said quietly. "Jason... he's different. He makes me feel like I can breathe, like I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. But I'm scared, Ava. What if I'm making a mistake?"

Ava smirked slightly, nudging me with her elbow. "Lesley, you're overthinking it. You already know how you feel about Jason. You're just scared of what it means if you admit it. But you've been holding onto Ethan for all the wrong reasons, and you know it."

I bit my lip, my chest tightening as I thought about Jason. He had been patient with me, even after everything that had happened. I could still hear his voice in my head, telling me not to let guilt control my life.

"You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel alive, not trapped," Ava continued, her voice firm. "I know you care about Ethan, but that's not a good enough reason to stay. You need to be true to yourself, Lesley. Stop trying to please everyone else and think about what you really want."

Her words hit me like a tidal wave, crashing through the fog of doubt and guilt that had been suffocating me. I had been so focused on avoiding conflict, on making sure I didn't hurt anyone, that I had forgotten what it meant to be true to myself.

"I think I love Jason," I whispered, the words feeling both terrifying and liberating at the same time.

Ava grinned, her eyes lighting up with approval. "Finally! Took you long enough."

I couldn't help but smile through the tears. "It's just... complicated. I don't want to hurt Ethan any more than I already have."

"You can't live your life walking on eggshells around someone else's feelings," Ava said, her tone serious now. "Ethan will heal, and he'll move on. But you? You need to let yourself be happy. And if Jason's the one who makes you happy, then stop fighting it."

The fog that had clouded my mind began to clear, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I could see the path ahead of me. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't without pain, but it was the right path—the one that led to me being honest with myself.

I took a deep breath, nodding as the decision solidified in my heart. "You're right. I need to be with Jason."

Ava smiled, leaning back on the bench. "Good. Now, go tell him that before he gets all mopey and dramatic."

I laughed through my tears, feeling a surge of relief. Ava always knew how to cut through the noise in my head and help me see what really mattered.

"Thanks, Ava," I said, wiping my face one last time. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Probably keep making bad decisions," she teased, standing up and offering me her hand. "Now go find your man. You've got some explaining to do."

I took her hand, standing up and feeling lighter than I had in weeks. I didn't know what the future would hold, but for the first time in a long time, I was ready to face it head-on.

And I knew exactly where I needed to be.