IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR ABSENCE

CHAPTER 9

Y/N's POV

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring blankly at my phone. The news of Jungkook's death still felt unreal, like a nightmare I couldn't escape. Days had passed since that gut-wrenching moment in the hospital, and yet, the world outside my own sorrow hadn't changed. No messages from his family, no outreach. Not that I expected them to. They'd made their stance clear when they kicked me out of the hospital, as if I was some intruder, an unwanted presence in Jungkook's life—or now, in his death.

But what gutted me the most wasn't their coldness—it was the fact that I wasn't invited to the funeral.

I'd learned about it in passing, whispered conversations from classmates who didn't think I was close enough to overhear. His family had decided to keep it private, only blood relatives allowed. Not even his closest friends could attend. They'd kept him, his memory, his goodbye—locked away from all of us. As though none of us had mattered in his life, as though we hadn't loved him.

A tight knot formed in my throat, making it hard to breathe. "He deserved more than this..." I whispered, gripping the fabric of the bed sheets, pulling them taut as if they could somehow anchor me to reality.

The thought of him being buried without anyone who truly knew him there—without me there—was unbearable. It was as if they were erasing his existence. Erasing all the moments he'd shared with us. Erasing the connection we had.

"He deserved more than to be alone," I repeated, my voice trembling this time, fighting back the overwhelming sense of loss that threatened to consume me whole.

Jungkook, the boy with the infectious smile and unwavering kindness. Jungkook, who had always been the one to make everyone laugh, no matter how dark the day. And now he was gone. And I wasn't even given the chance to say goodbye.

My phone buzzed, cutting through the fog of grief for a brief second. My heart fluttered, almost instinctively, hoping—praying—that maybe it was someone reaching out to correct this mistake. Maybe it was an invitation to the funeral, some acknowledgment of my place in his life.

But it wasn't.

It was just Taehyung, checking in like he had been every day since it happened. He'd been there for me in ways I couldn't even describe, holding me when the waves of grief threatened to drown me, reassuring me when my thoughts became too dark. And yet... this pain, this suffocating isolation—it was something even Taehyung couldn't understand. Not fully.

I put my phone down and stood up, unable to sit still. My mind spun in circles, the unanswered questions gnawing at me. "Why wasn't I there?" I whispered, pacing around the small room like a trapped animal. "Why did they shut me out?"

Tears welled in my eyes, blurring my vision as anger mixed with the sadness. It was as if I was losing him all over again—first in life, when we drifted apart, and now in death, when I was being forcibly kept at a distance. It was like they were trying to erase the memories I had with him, like they were deciding for me that I didn't matter in his story.

But I did. He mattered to me, and I mattered to him.

I stopped pacing and sank down onto the floor, knees pulled up to my chest, my head resting on them as silent tears slipped down my face. The room was painfully quiet, but inside, my mind screamed with the memories of him—his laugh, his voice, the way he'd always been able to make me feel understood.

And now... now, he was just gone. Just a shadow. Just a memory I had to hold onto, while everything else faded into nothing.

A MONTH LATER

Y/N'S POV

The day had finally come—graduation day. It was supposed to be a day of celebration, a moment of accomplishment after years of hard work. But as I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting my cap and gown, it all felt strangely hollow. Everything had changed since Jungkook's death, and no matter how much I tried to focus on the future, there was an undeniable weight that hung over me.

Taehyung stood behind me, smiling warmly as he fixed the tassel on my cap. "You look amazing," he said, his voice soft, but full of pride. "Today's our day. We made it."

I tried to smile back, but my reflection betrayed me. The joy I should have felt seemed far out of reach. "Yeah, we did," I murmured, my voice lacking the enthusiasm I knew Taehyung was hoping for.

His hands slid around my waist, pulling me gently into a hug from behind. "I know it's been hard, Y/N," he whispered, resting his chin on my shoulder. "But today, we leave all that behind, okay? Today is about us and the future we're going to build together."

I nodded, trying to absorb his optimism. "I know," I whispered, though deep down, the past still clung to me. Jungkook should have been here with us. He should have been standing next to Taehyung and me, laughing, making jokes, and planning for the next big adventure.

But he wasn't.

Taehyung turned me around to face him, his eyes searching mine with a mixture of concern and determination. "Listen," he began, his voice more serious now, "I don't want to keep seeing you like this, Y/N. It's been a month since... since everything happened. It's time we focus on us. You and me."

I looked up at him, biting my lip. He was right, in a way. We had a future to look forward to. We had plans. Taehyung had been my rock through everything, always by my side, always supportive. He'd been the one holding me up when I felt like I couldn't stand. But somehow, the shadow of Jungkook lingered in every corner of my mind, and it was hard to just... move on.

"I'm trying," I said softly, placing my hands on his chest. "But it's not easy. He was such a big part of my life for so long."

Taehyung's jaw tightened, and for a moment, his expression hardened. "I know that," he replied, his voice clipped, though he tried to mask it with patience. "But we can't keep living in the past. We've made it here, to our graduation day. This is our time now, Y/N. You and me. We're going abroad, we're starting something new. Isn't that what you want?"

I nodded, the guilt swirling in my chest. "It is what I want. I just... I just need time."

He sighed, pulling me into his arms once again, holding me tightly as if he was afraid to let go. "I love you, Y/N," he whispered into my hair. "And I'll wait as long as you need. But please, don't let his memory keep us from living the life we're supposed to have together."

I felt a tear slip down my cheek, and I buried my face into his shoulder. "I love you too, Taehyung. I really do."

We stood there in silence for a moment, wrapped up in each other, and despite the heaviness in my heart, I knew he was right. This was our future. Jungkook was gone, but Taehyung was still here. We still had so much ahead of us.

Graduation day marked the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. And as much as it hurt to let go, I knew I had to.

"We'll be okay, right?" I asked, pulling back slightly to look into Taehyung's eyes.

He smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "Of course we will," he said confidently. "We've got each other. That's all we need."

I smiled back, finally allowing myself to feel a flicker of hope. Maybe this was the start of something better—something new.

But as we walked out the door, heading toward the ceremony, a small voice in the back of my mind whispered that not everything was as simple as it seemed.