I wasn’t supposed to say it. Hell, I didn’t even know I was thinking it until it just slipped out, like it had been burning a hole in my chest for so long that it had to escape. One second, I was sitting with Isiah, watching some old highlights from the season, laughing at dumb mistakes we made, and the next—I was blurting out my darkest secret.
It was one of those rare quiet moments. The house was still. Isiah was leaning back on the couch, his leg healed and propped up comfortably. We’d been spending more time together since... well, since everything. Since he found out about my scars. We never really talked about it after that day in the locker room, but something changed between us. He looked at me differently. Not with pity, but like he was always watching me, trying to make sure I didn’t slip away again.
“You good, man?” Isiah asked, noticing I had gone quiet.
“Yeah,” I muttered, staring at the screen but not really seeing anything. My thoughts were tangled, like they had been for days. I kept thinking about how much he cared, how much he was there for me. I knew I didn’t deserve it.
And then, before I could stop myself, the words just came out. “I love you.”
It wasn’t in that usual way—the way teammates say it after a hard-fought game or when someone’s going through a tough time. No, this was different. The second the words left my mouth, I knew I had fucked up.
Isiah froze. His eyes flicked away from the TV, locking onto me like he wasn’t sure he heard right. “What’d you say?”
I felt my heart drop to the floor. Every muscle in my body tensed, like I was bracing for some kind of impact, some kind of fallout. I wanted to take it back, to laugh it off like a joke, but I couldn’t. It was out there now. There was no undoing it.
“I didn’t mean—” I stammered, trying to find an escape, but there was none. The silence stretched between us, heavy and suffocating.
Isiah sat up, staring at me, his expression unreadable. “What do you mean you love me, Harrison?”
I opened my mouth to say something—anything—but nothing came out. The truth hung there, unspoken, like a weight pressing down on my chest. I could see the wheels turning in Isiah’s head, trying to make sense of what I had just said.
“I mean, like...” I fumbled for words, my hands shaking. “It’s not... I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
But it was too late. Isiah wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easily.
“Since when?” he asked, his voice low and serious, like he was bracing himself for whatever answer I was about to give.
I swallowed hard, feeling the heat rise in my face. “Since... I don’t know, man. Since you joined the NFL, I guess. Maybe even before. It feels like I’ve known you forever.”
There it was. The truth. Out in the open, raw and terrifying. I could feel my pulse pounding in my ears, waiting for him to say something, anything. I expected him to get mad, to be weirded out, to shut me down completely.
But he didn’t.
Isiah just sat there, staring at me like he was trying to figure something out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because... it’s messed up,” I muttered, not able to look him in the eye anymore. “Because I’m messed up. And I didn’t want to ruin everything. You’re my best friend, man. I couldn’t... I couldn’t lose you.”
He didn’t say anything for what felt like forever. The silence was deafening, and I wanted to crawl out of my own skin, to disappear, to take back everything I had just said.
But then, Isiah did something I didn’t expect. He reached over and put his hand on my shoulder. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make me stop spiraling, to ground me in that moment.
“Harrison,” he said quietly, “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to worry about that.”
I blinked, not sure I heard him right. “You’re not... mad?”
“Nah, man. I’m not mad.” Isiah shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “It’s just... a lot, you know? I didn’t expect this.”
I nodded, feeling like a complete idiot. “Yeah, I didn’t expect it either. It just... it’s been eating at me for a while.”
Isiah sighed, leaning back against the couch again. “Look, I don’t know what to say right now. I care about you, Harrison. You’re one of my closest friends. And I’m here for you, always. But...”
I felt the knife twist in my chest, waiting for the rejection. I braced myself.
“…but I love you too.”
I blinked, the words not quite registering at first. “Wait... what?”
Isiah shifted, a little awkward now, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, man. I don’t know when it started, but... I feel the same way. I just... never thought you’d feel like that too.”
My mind was reeling. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I had convinced myself for so long that he couldn’t feel the same, that there was no way. And yet, here we were, both of us sitting there, in some kind of emotional wreckage neither of us knew how to navigate.
“So... what now?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Isiah looked at me, his usual easy smile replaced with something softer, more uncertain. “I don’t know, man. I guess... we figure it out together.”
I didn’t know what that meant exactly, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe it didn’t have to hurt so much. Maybe I wasn’t as alone as I thought.
